Does your child seem to interrupt every conversation with the words, "But Mom..." or "But Dad..." ? Do they constantly cut you off mid-sentence to tell you that something's not fair?
Interrupting comes from a variety of sources, including over-stimulation, competition with siblings and peers, impulsivity and general family patterns of communication. It’s helpful to pinpoint what combination of these factors contributes to the behavior that you’re seeing your child display. Whatever it is, the most effective thing to do in the moment is to calmly and simply say, “Don’t interrupt me until I’m done.” If the child doesn’t stop immediately, turn around and walk away. Practice that consistently, and it will change their behavior. Secondly, and this is important, don’t interrupt your child when he or she is speaking. It’s important to hear them out if you want them to hear you out.
If the interruption comes from impulsivity or poor communication skills, during times of calmness, talk about interrupting and what it feels like to be interrupted. Ask your children what it feels like for them. You can ask, “Have you ever been interrupted by another child at school when you're trying to talk to the teacher? How did it make you feel?” And tell them it makes you feel like they’re not listening to you. Don’t get into a big emotional deal about it by saying how it hurts your feelings. Just tell them that you feel they're not listening to you and that it's important for people to listen to one another. Don’t tell them your feelings are hurt unless it’s real.
I also recommend that you sit down with them and teach them how to manage urges and communicate more effectively. There are resources available that can help you to do that, but no matter which one you use, make sure that it teaches everyone to slow things down when they’re communicating. Finally, be aware of what behavior you as parents and role models are teaching them. One of the most effective ways to show children how to change bad habits and communication is to not indulge in them yourself.
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James Lehman is a behavioral therapist and the creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents. He has worked with troubled children and teens for three decades. James holds a Masters Degree in Social Work from Boston University. For more information, visit www.thetotaltransformation.com. |
I found the article to be informative and enlightening.
Comment By : jdonis
This really hits home. Especially the part about how the family communicates as a whole. This is something we can always work on!
Comment By : Chris
I think this was informative. I find myself interrupting my kids at times and I'm an adult. My sons have ADD and ADHD so how much more difficult is it for them especially when I'm not setting a good example. This is great advice because I don't have to battle my kids.
Comment By : Angel
My so, age 17.5 has ADHD. He interrupts a lot. I have asked him why and he told me it's because he loses track of what he wanted to say and can't focus on what I'm saying while trying to hold on to his thought at the same time. His new medication helps him focus better but he really can't keep track of the conversation. Any tips for him? Also, I make a lot of effort not to interrupt him, but he goes on these long, incoherent tangents with sentences that run on and on. If I don't interrupt, I never get a word in edgewise. We both get frustrated and feel we aren't being heard. When I have had enough and don't feel like we are going anywhere, I try to stop the conversation, but he just keeps pestering me. It seems he loves to argue. I hate it. What can we do to simplify and minimize these conversations that turn into long arguments over issues that can't be resolved? Walking away doesn't work. He doesn't respond to logic and reason and he just can't let things go. Thank you.
Comment By : Alexis
* Alexis: Sounds like your son might make a great lawyer or politician! Seriously, it sounds like you guys have a communication problem due to your son’s lack of social skills. There are several steps you can take that should help to resolve the conflict: (1) Find a good time to discuss the problem. Converse about how the problem affects both of you and how you both need to work together to make things better. (2) Decide on a neutral sign (gesture or word – comical is helpful) you can give to let your son know it is time to end the exchange. (3) Practice using this several times. (4) Consider a reward for your son to be earned for going, say, 1 month with better communication. I think you'll see some improvements after putting this plan of action into place. Also, remember that the social development of ADHD kids is about 3 years younger than their peers, so think of him as more like 14.
Hope this is helpful for you!
Comment By : Dr. Bob
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