Does Your Child Say This? "Whatever."
Kids generally say “whatever” to their parents when they’ve already lost the argument. It’s a final attempt to push the parent’s button and to get back at you in some small way for something that your child doesn’t like. Your best bet is to ignore it. If a kid says "whatever," the odds are that the point has already been decided and you’re in charge of the situation. "Whatever" is their way of trying to save a little face. If you’ve come out on top, don’t compromise your position by letting them draw you into an argument. To challenge it is not effective. If you give it power, you’re losing the ground that you’ve already gained.
Child: “Whatever.”
Translation: “It doesn’t bother me/I don’t care and it doesn’t matter.”
Ineffective response: “What do you mean, ‘whatever?’ Let me tell you something, young lady…”
Effective response: Ignore it, smile and turn around and walk away. You’ve already won the fight.
Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and blog published by Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people who parent by providing useful problem-solving techniques to parents and children. The views expressed in the articles on
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James Lehman is a behavioral therapist and the creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents. He has worked with troubled children and teens for three decades. James holds a Masters Degree in Social Work from Boston University. For more information, visit www.thetotaltransformation.com. |
I actually have a question and that is what do you do with rude grandchildren and the parents don't say anything to them about their rude behavior? Do I tell the parents not to bring them over if they can't make them mind ? I love my grandchildren and my children.
Comment By : snowowl
Wonderful response. It's good to remind parents to not get sucked into that trap. Even though a comment like that is difficult to ignore, parents need to learn to pick their fights, and "whatever" should not be one of them.
Comment By : Jen
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