The Total Transformation®
What is The Total Transformation Program?
The Total Transformation is a series of audio, video, and reading lessons that stream online to your phone, tablet, or computer. The lessons give you concrete tools to change your child’s behavior and restore peace to your family.
The Total Transformation takes you step by step through understanding and managing your child’s behavior and shows you exactly what you need to do to develop your child’s problem-solving skills—stopping bad behavior for good.
The program works well for parents of children from 5 to 25 years of age who exhibit anger, defiance, disrespect, lack of motivation, poor school performance, substance abuse, and lashing out (physically or verbally, including abusive behavior).
Does The Total Transformation really work?
We think the families who’ve used our learning programs answer this best. Thousands of parents, grandparents, teachers, and professionals have shared their positive experiences—with each other, online, and in video testimonials—about the effectiveness of The Total Transformation with their children and teens. Created by renowned child therapists James Lehman, MSW and Janet Lehman, MSW, the program is a life-changing tool for helping parents quickly address unwanted child behaviors. Check out our constantly updated reviews where you can see our customers’ authentic and unedited comments. Our goal is to help you get to what works with your child so you can form a better relationship, starting today.
What is The Total Transformation Online Package?
The Online Package is the The Total Transformation bundled with 5 additional parenting programs which, together, provide parents with a comprehensive set of tools to effectively manage challenging child behavior problems.
What happens after I sign up for The Total Transformation Online Package?
At the end of the checkout process you will come to the order confirmation page where you will see a blue “Go to My Account Dashboard” button. This will take you to your account dashboard where you can immediately access all the great programs offered with
The Total Transformation Online Package. From your dashboard, you can also manage your account, contact customer services, and connect with one of our parenting coaches.
To get started with a program, click on the one you want to work through and follow the on-screen directions. The programs stream right to your laptop, phone, or tablet. We track progress to make it easy to pick up where you left off. And you can review the lessons as many times as you like for as long as you are subscribed.
I signed up for The Total Transformation Online Package. Where should I begin?
Each of our parenting programs is self-contained and you can begin with any of them. For most parents, we suggest starting with The Total Transformation program because its principles form the foundation for all that we do. Next, we suggest The Complete Guide to Consequences and Getting Through To Your Child, both of which supplement what you learn in The Total Transformation with realistic role-playing scenarios. If you think that your child may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder, then proceed with The ODD Lifeline.
What does The Total Transformation teach, and what types of behaviors are covered?
The Total Transformation helps parents with specific techniques that enable them to deal with problems such as fighting and arguing, lying, temper tantrums, talking back, destroying property, picking on siblings, bullying, acting sullen and withdrawn, lack of motivation, risky behavior, and behavior problems in school and in the community. It’s important to note that the skill-set honed in the program helps build stronger relationships with all children in the family, not only those who have attitude or behavior problems.
Will The Total Transformation work for all children?
Various factors impact whether the program is effective with a particular child—including the child’s age and developmental level, the child’s environment/background, and the parents’ consistency in applying the program. Acknowledging that, every day we hear from parents, grandparents, teachers, and other caregivers who have found success in using The Total Transformation. These concerned parents come from all walks of life and from all over the globe. We encourage you to read their authentic and unedited reviews.
My child's behaviors are not as extreme as James Lehman describes. Will this program work for me?
The program is designed for children ages 5 to 25 and is very effective for most child behavior problems, ranging from mild to severe. Any parent can benefit from the effective parenting strategies taught in The Total Transformation.
Is The Total Transformation religious-based?
The Total Transformation does not have any religious affiliation. Parents of all faiths (including those who don’t practice any religion) have used the program successfully with their families while remaining true to their own core values. Our emphasis is on helping all families to change unwanted behaviors in their kids.
My child has a diagnosis (such as ADD/ADHD, ODD). Will it work for him/her?
Yes. The Total Transformation can be helpful for children with these conditions and was born out of James and Janet Lehman’s decades of experience working with defiant, oppositional youth. A good approach for many families is to use the program tools in conjunction with the support of a trusted, qualified, and local professional.
Is there anyone who shouldn't use the program?
Children with autism, profound intellectual disabilities, and severe psychiatric disorders that result in an inability to communicate may not benefit from the techniques outlined in The Total Transformation. However, their parents may benefit from the parenting concepts taught in the program.
How long will it take to achieve a real change in my child's behavior?
Not long at all. Indeed, you might see a change in your child’s behavior almost immediately after you begin implementing the program. As they adopt more effective parenting roles, use behavior management techniques, and hone problem-solving skills, most families say they experience significant, lasting results as they work with the program.
Can this program work for me if I'm divorced and my ex lets my child(ren) get away with everything at his/her house?
Yes. One of the primary goals of The Total Transformation is to develop a “Culture of Accountability” between you and your child. You will be able to teach your child to be accountable for his behavior in your home, regardless of the standards of behavior and expectations in the other parent’s home.
Can grandparents use The Total Transformation?
Many, many grandparents use The Total Transformation with great results. Some of these grandparents are raising their grandchildren, while others share the program with their grandchildren’s parents. The Total Transformation will help you develop a “Culture of Accountability” between you and your grandchild and teach him or her to be accountable for his/her behavior in your home.
Can The Total Transformation be used by teachers, educational technicians, and counselors?
Absolutely. Countless teachers, mental health professionals, and caregivers use our program daily. Every adult who interacts with children in a meaningful way can benefit from the concepts and practical ideas presented in The Total Transformation.
Is The Total Transformation the same as therapy?
The Total Transformation is not therapy. Where therapy is usually child-centric, our program is parent-centric. The Total Transformation addresses how a parent can change the behavior dynamic by learning effective parenting skills.
Should I use The Total Transformation instead of counseling? Should I stop my child's therapy, counseling, medication, etc.?
The Total Transformation is not intended to take the place of professional therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. Parents of children who are currently under the supervision of a professional should not discontinue care without speaking to this professional. This program is not intended as a substitute for medication, and you should never discontinue a child’s medication without consulting a qualified professional.
What is the age range for which The Total Transformation is designed to be used?
The Total Transformation is a valuable resource for parents of children of any age because it provides guidelines to help you develop the most effective and productive parenting style for any given situation. Although it is recommended for children ages 5 to 25, you may see immediate results with children of any age. By the time a “typical” child reaches the age of 5, all of the concepts in The Total Transformation would apply to him or her. As your child grows, you’ll see the added benefit of the advanced features of the program. Each child is different and only you can know for sure what is right for yours.
Does The Total Transformation work with children with medical diagnoses?
James and Janet Lehman designed
The Total Transformation as a powerful tool for parents—a tool that also supports behavior therapy goals at home. The best way to see if the program will be helpful in your specific situation is to try the program in your home, along with the support and guidance of your mental health and medical treatment professionals. Various factors may affect whether the techniques are effective with a particular child, including the child’s age and developmental level, the child’s setting and environment, and the parent’s skill in applying the techniques.
Note: The Total Transformation is not designed to deal with children who have severe psychological disorders or medical conditions that impair their communications or problem-solving skills. Children who exhibit signs of dangerous behavior, either to themselves or others, should be placed under the care of a qualified professional. The Total Transformation is not intended to take the place of professional therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. Parents of children who are currently under the supervision of a professional should not discontinue such care without speaking to this professional. This program is not intended as a substitute for medication. You should never discontinue a child’s medication without consulting a qualified professional.
Two Parents, One PlanTM
I am currently seeing a counselor with my co-parent. Should I use this program instead of counseling?
This program is not designed to be a replacement for therapy or counseling. Many parents find that it is a helpful addition to local, in-person support they are currently receiving to address parenting differences they may be experiencing.
What if my spouse/co-parent refuses to listen? Can the program still work?
It can be frustrating when your co-parent refuses to work together to address parenting differences you may be experiencing. However, it is not a requirement that the co-parent goes through the program with you. James Lehman explains how to develop an individual “culture of accountability,” which exists between you and your child. He also explains how you can own your role in the interactions with your child and how you can respond most effectively.
The ODD LifelineTM
My child's behavior is so bad! Will this program work with my child?
The ODD Lifeline program was developed from the experience Kimberly Abraham and Marney Studaker-Cordner have in working with oppositional, defiant kids in both private practice and through court-ordered programs. In addition, Kim has a son with ODD. The techniques described in the program have helped numerous families to feel more in control, even if the child’s behavior is more severe.
My child has Conduct Disorder and is constantly in trouble with the law. How can this program help me?
This program is designed to help families with their child’s behavior, even if the behavior has crossed the line from ODD to Conduct Disorder. The ODD Lifeline has an entire lesson devoted to teaching parents how to respond most effectively when the child is in trouble with the police, school, or has entered the legal system.
Life Over the InfluenceTM
My child struggles with substance abuse. Can this program help, even if my child is underage?
A struggle with substance abuse and addiction is not something most parents envision for their child. When your child is a minor, there are additional considerations that must be taken into account. Life Over The Influence includes a guide of rights and responsibilities for parents of minor children, which outlines how you can best help your child through this struggle.
I have been to Alcoholics Anonymous and counseling. How is this program different?
Kimberly Abraham developed the program from her own experience in dealing with substance abuse in her family (her father, sister, husband, and son). Counseling, Alcoholics Anonymous and other forms of support can be beneficial when your loved one is using substances. Kim used many of these resources on her own journey as well. She found that these resources didn’t always address some of her issues. This program is designed to help you feel more empowered when addressing your loved one’s substance abuse in the privacy of your home and at your own pace.
Should I have my loved one listen to the program too?
This program is designed for you to use, so you can start to take back control of your life despite your loved one’s struggle with substance use. The techniques are not designed to address substance use directly, rather to empower those who are impacted by others’ substance use.
Other Questions
How do I access my parenting programs?
From your laptop, phone, or tablet, go to
https://www.empoweringparents.com and log in using your email address and the password you created when you purchased
The Total Transformation Online Package. Once logged in, click on the Account menu (upper-right) and select My Programs. Click on the desired program and follow the on-screen directions. We track progress so it is easy to pick up where you left off. Watch our instructional video below:
How do I cancel?
You may cancel your subscription at any time, and you will continue to have access to programs and services through the end of your billing period. To cancel, go to your Account Dashboard, click on the Subscriptions tab, and click Cancel. Please
Contact Us if you have any questions.
What are your refund policies and other terms and conditions?
Please review the
Terms and Conditions of our services for our refund, billing, and other policies. And please
Contact Us if you have any questions.
I found this program to be extremely helpful in many ways.
From learning how to talk to different types and give age appropriate consequences and rewards.
I believe the key to raising responsible, respectable, positive, and productive children is to start at a very young age to teach them the VALUE of living by the rules and teach them to have the consciousness and tools to make good/positive choices on their own.
This program teaches you how to do that.
If you do not start at a very young age (1 to 2 years old) you can lose control of your child very quickly.
If you have lost control and respect, or starting to lose control and respect, then you need this program to start learning these methods as SOON AS POSSIBLE.
The Total Transformation company is honest, caring, true to their word, respectful and can help you and your children bond together... it's going to take work, but it's worth it!
Best to You!
Absolutely fabulous program! James Lehman explains difficult concepts in very easy to follow terms and steps. I began to change my methods immediately after the quick star DVD. With my change in approach, my child's attitude began to change just as fast. I continue to use what I've learned through this program, and my child has made a 180 degree turn.
THANK YOU JAMES.
I loved this DVD. It taught me so much about not whether or not I'm a good parent, but if I'm an effective parent. That mindset is so important in me being able to keep my composure during heated situations.
I really understand how important it is to have consequences that are related to the offense. Instead of having my son get used to "jail" time through groundings, he is productively working on concepts of problem-solving and "righting" wrongs with people. I'm also working on helping him think about those things, what he could do differently next time to stay out of trouble and make different choices. My thinking is more about what I want to accomplish with the consequences, to come up with something more appropriate to achieve a particular goal. He is more productive in his consequences as a result. He also likes it less because I'm making him think about what he did, for a much longer time.
My son is a former foster youth, so he has many things to un-learn from his past of unwise decision-making, and to learn the proper things. However I'm confident that we have more effective ways of dealing with his behavior now. As a result, I know we will see results a lot more quickly, especially since our prior method of consequences wasn't working.
My son (9yrs old) has been the way he is since he was 3 years old, that's when we started noticing that he was different. Since then, he progressively has become more angry, and I mean screaming like he was possessed by something, more irritable, quick to over-react, thinks he's the victim and everyone owes him, sneaky, disrespectful...Oh, and not to mention that he was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and ODD. We have tried EVERYTHING to help him...medication, mountains of parenting plans, books, techniques, counseling...NOTHING WORKED...NOTHING.
For me as his mom, the combination of who he was and who I am became a toxic and very defeating combination. I was sad and frustrated and more times than I like to admit, hated my own child. I knew parenting was hard, but this was so far beyond hard and there was nothing working and I felt extremely lost.
After hearing about the Total Transformation program on TV, I went to the Empowering Parents website and began exploring and discovered the O.D.D. Lifeline. I saw that I could try it out first and if it didn't seem to work, I could return it and get a refund. I ordered it, listened to it in the car driving to and from school and within a few days I was done with it, tried it and my son became worse! BUT they said that could and probably would happen.
What I started noticing more and more was that because I was starting to control my reactions, my son started to change his reactions. To understand specifically how to handle a situation, exactly what to do, say and implement and then see some results is so amazing!!! To be able to look at my son through a different lens and understand what and why he's doing something from a psychological point of view, helps me control myself. Knowing that I'm supposed to talk and walk away when I'm "laying down the law" has been such a powerful part. Knowing that a lot of his difficulty is a problem solving impairment and being able to help him with that is something I've never done, but not only does it help him, it helps me too. His over-reaction episodes have diminished, his recovering time for temper tantrums has decreased, he is beginning to understand that taking a break in his room to create space and time can be a good thing. He's beginning to self-correct his disrespectful tone, which is amazing. It's only been a few months so these are just a few areas that I've noticed.
I can't fully express what it feels like to feel like a failure as a parent every single day for years, but to say the least it wears on you. Through the O.D.D. Lifeline techniques I don't feel like a failed parent every day. Sure, we have our bad days and that's okay. The difference is that now I see through the Oppositional Defiance tricks and recognize the behaviors for what they are and am better equipped to know how I should react.
I know that the price can scare some people, but I'm telling you, if you can get the money together, BUY THE PROGRAM!!! You don't even have to pay for it all up front, you can try it out for a month and see how it goes. It's not going to hurt you to try another program, but it will hurt your child if you don't try anything. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, PARENTS! This worked and continues to work for my son. I hope it works for your child.
Takes time to change reacting to teens actions and attitudes. Changing things slowly but I am determined.
I really am a busy working mom, but had to take the time to show my appreciation to Total transformation! Great tips and skills and most of all took away that guilty conscious I always had for no reason!
Thank you!
I enjoyed working through the Total Transformation Program and completing the workbook. Because of the tools provided through this course, I agreed to take care of my 4 grandsons last summer for a two day overnight stay with them. My young grandsons responded well to me once I set the tone with my expectations and their responsibilities.
We had a glorious time with full participation and cooperation in every situation. I mainly used the reward method with incentives for special activities or special privileges and they had a fun time too.
Because of the age differences it proved at times to be quite challenging but it did not drain me as I had anticipated at the onset.
I recommend this program highly to every new or experienced parent. This is a great program to be used as a preventative measure to insure a more stressless child rearing experience. It also will prevent major problems that often arise as the kids mature. Using Dr Lehman's method of child rearing will result in well adjusted, happy and responsible future citizens of the world.
Dear Mary,
Thank you for your candid feedback about The Total Transformation Program. We’re disappointed to hear that our program hasn’t been helpful for you. We strive to create the most effective programs to help all families. We also understand that each family situation is unique and that it can be discouraging when you are not seeing the results you had hoped for. Please don’t give up. Our Support Line Coaches are here to help you use the program tools with your grandchild and create an action plan to address the problem behaviors you are facing. They can help you find a starting point and make the entire process easier for you. Please know that we want to help you achieve the results you were looking for when you called us and that we’re here for you. You can reach our Customer Support Team at 800-460-2235. We’ll be glad to help you.
the Total Transformation Program teaches us parents how to separate emotions and deal with the facts. Also how to set up clear behavior expectations.
Before seeing this program, I thought it was our responsibility as parents to change our son's bad behavior. Now I know and accept the fact that it is up to him to change. Our responsibility is to coach him to make choices ... if he makes good choices he can be rewarded with things/privileges that matters to him, or if he makes poor choices, he suffers consequences.
This program offers the tools to help parents gain back the control of their house.
I feel blessed that I heard about the opportunity to obtain and implement the use of The Total Transformation Program for dealing with the behavior of our two sons. Learning and implementing the "Alternative Response" method has improved our communication with our sons by providing us with the necessary tools for dealing with inappropriate behaviors. It has been a slow process, and we are still trying to learn these concepts and use them effectively, but the learning curve is manageable and the results are certainly worth the effort. I really wish my parents had had this opportunity when I was growing up in the early 70's for dealing with me, and an abusive sibling, and my hope for me and all parents with children who have abusive responses to solving life's everyday problems, is that the buck stops here. It is in our power, with the necessary and appropriate tools, to effect life-changing behaviors in our children, but it has to begin with us, the parents. Thank you also to Dr. Lehman for making it possible to acquire this program for a minimal, if not totally free, cost. I was blessed with an advanced degree in education, and I could see where my immigrant parents, with their minimal educations and knowledge of the English language, would really have struggled with the program. Is the program available in other languages; i.e. Spanish?
Thank you,
Paul
The Total Transformation Program is something I believe everyone should be taught in high-school!! Its parenting in a nutshell. My children were in there late teens and early twenties, but I found it to be the best eye opener, practical and easily applicable program ever. I doubt there is a better one out there. I wish I had the knowledge I have now 35 years ago. The information is easy to understand and applicable in other relationships as well.
All I can say is it's wonderful!!
This is an excellent program for children (of all ages) with serious behavior problems--the kind of problems you do not even want to admit to others that you have, because (you fear) that they make you look like a horrible parent!(When, in truth, you could not love your children more, and you are doing the best you can!!) I, especially, love certain concepts that Dr. Lehman uses, such as: Accept No Excuse for Abuse.
Anyway, I believe Dr. James Lehman is a genius, and I cannot think of any critical issue that he does not address!
My son is now 30 years young with three children of his own. For many years, I wanted to get the Total Transformation whilst my son was in his teen years and living at home. As a single mom it just seemed impossible to dedicate any extra money to this endeavor. As a grandmother I became very concerned about my son's behavior with his children, his wife, and me.
I learned about boundaries and consequences and most importantly how I've never quite understood it enough to implement it during childrearing. In fact, what is due when confronted by my son was to confront back. Thereby, showing (in my mind) my parental strength. This was all wrong!
All came to head this past summer when I was providing a vacation with my sons family just a few weeks before the planned trip, my son verbally abused me yet again. This timing was coincidental to my finishing up the T T program. Something inside me clicked and i called off the trip citing that I "just didn't care to be with my son." It ruined everyone's anticipated fun, I was the bad guy. The babies were not gonna enjoy the beach and boardwalk and rides, all because of my "drama", according to my son. I was so guilty, I cried. But, somewhere deep inside, I regained strength through this action. My son found that I had a boundary and limits and that there was a consequence. He has been nicer since. He's been curbing his speech.
I'm hoping that I'm teaching him how to be with his children and wife.
I haven't started the "Calm Parent" yet and I know that it will be beneficial to all of us. I did learn also to state my case and walk away. I keep implementing the little things that James talks about. Better late than never!
Maria Messina
Dear TTCrosby,
We’re very sorry to learn that our program has disappointed you. We commend you for taking action to help your 6 year old, and we wish we could have helped you. The techniques in the program are intended to help children ages 5-18 and have indeed helped many parents of young children. Our Parental Support Line coaches work with parents of young children to help them adapt the program techniques to young children. We see that you did have access to our PSL service for a short time. Please know that the service is always available for you to resume at any time. Sometimes the program is simply not a fit. This is why we very much appreciate constructive feedback we receive from customers in their feedback surveys. According to our records, we never received your completed feedback survey. We are very interested in reading your feedback, and if you have a copy of the completed survey you mailed in, we will gladly honor the terms of the offer. Please contact our Customer Service team at 1-800-460-2253. We will be happy to help you. Your success with your child is our common goal.
we signed up for the free offer, but after listening to the discs of James and co., working in the workbook and implementing these practices with our 5 young children, I didn't feel right getting it for free. The program is magnificent. I'd recommend it to all. Now is it going to be made available in Spanish?
As a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, I'd love to recommend it to all my patients or their parents that is. Most of us can't get into counseling weekly, but with this program, these resources can come right to us! Highly recommended.
When I purchased this program, I did so for my sister. She had a very stressful home life with a 19-year-old daughter and a granddaughter who were both big challenges. I waited for her to use the program and she kept making excuses why she didn't have time. Towards the end of the year, I pushed her and she finally started to pay attention. The changes were immediate. She is still working on it, but her life has improved dramatically!
Here is the best part, however. I used the program myself, even though I didn't have children! I was intrigued by what I learned and started implementing the techniques in my business. I have 10 employees and I found I had no control over my staff. I wasn't being treated seriously and my direction was being ignored. I began to use the methods in my own business and saw a dramatic improvement! I strongly suggest that ANYONE, with or without children, use the program! It has been nothing short of miraculous for me in the way I handle my own life and how people regard me and how I see myself. It is truly empowering!
The Total Transformation Program has it all in an easy to use learning system. The videos provide a multitude of tools for parents to use for a variety of behaviors/situations.
These can be used as a means of prevention, discipline, and long term positive results.
The best part of The Total Transformation Program is that the age, gender, and the severity are different which gives something for all people viewing the materials. In fact, I have used some of the tools in my own classroom in order to maintain structure and order without disruption.
Last, but not least, I absolutely loved the Empowering Parents Newsletter via email. These are great because I would print and read whenever I had a free moment. The articles often contained topics like recent trends, schools, gender differences, and like the entire system, providing a better means to parenting and acquiring the desired behavior.
As an educator and a single mother of 3 sons, I would not hesitate to recommend The Total Transformation program.
I am lucky because my boys have been "good kids". Still, The Total Transformation Program gave me ideas, skills, and reasons to make sure they stayed that way.
Dear No Help in Alabama,
We’re very sorry to hear that our program has disappointed you. We understand how little time parents have in a day, especially when they are struggling with their child.
Because of that, we want you to know that we are here to help you. Please don’t give up. When you ordered The Total Transformation Program, you chose the option that allows you a year to complete the program, fill out your feedback survey and receive a refund of the product price. Given that you ordered in early July, you still have time to use the program at a pace that works for you. Our Customer Service team is here to answer any questions you have about your survey along the way. You can also get help from our Parental Support Line coaches. They work with parents every day to implement the techniques in the program with their children. Access to our Support Line is always available by calling Customer Service at 1-800-460-2253.
Please know that we are here for you and want to see you succeed. In the next 10 months, we can help you to reach your goals with your child.
Until working through this program, I blamed Obnoxious behavior of children directly on the parents. This meant when it started happening in extremes with my son and I, that I internalized all his behavior as my fault OR blamed my ex-husband.
James helped me grow out of this excuse driven mentality and see things MUCH clearer.
This program and my being totally honest with its workbook and techniques, helped me stop the cycle of ineffectiveness. The massive changes in my approach through these techniques are making a tremendous difference.
These differences are with both my 15 year old, and me. Some occurred immediately upon use of a technique (like "there is no excuse for abuse, and setting the situation up for next time) and some others are occurring more slowly (replacement behavior and strategic coaching).
My son and I are able to coexist again and are building a much healthier parent/child relationship as a result of the Total Transformation.
Although, we are still conquering various attitudes/obstacles in behavior, With consistent use of this material I look forward to his remaining three years before entering adulthood and KNOW he'll be better prepared as a result of my embracing James' parenting techniques.
I was at my wits end. Sassing, not doing chores without being put off and given EVERY excuse possible.
After going through the lessons and workbook, my child is doing chores and talking respectfully to us.
Thank you Dr. and Mrs. Lehman for bringing sanity back to our home!!!
It is very isolating to have a child with ADHD/ODD. Everyone is quick to offer advise, an opinion, or cast judgment and it was making me want to just stay home and avoid all of it, for myself and my son. ODD Lifeline helped me take the focus of ME and place it where it belongs - on my son. I was able to verbalize to him very simple, specific terms how his behavior was no longer a reflection on me but was a direct reflection on HIS choices. This enable me to emotionally separate myself from the embarrassment of his behavior and helped reduce the tension in our relationship.
My son is 8 years old and although he may never outgrow his ADHD/ODD, the Lifeline program and helped me realize I can teach him the skills he needs now to make his own decisions and receive his own rewards of consequences based on his choices.
The Total Transformation helped us to see the mistakes we were making in raising our son. Our mistake was in trying to be a friend instead of a parent. We were trying to reason with our son instead of just applying the rules and being parents. The Total Transformation gave us specific techniques to use to help us control our difficult situations with our son.
It takes a lot of work, but it was well worth it.
well i have to say that as a parent of four and a former teacher that i personally have learned a lot from he program. my children are basically set up in two separate families. one older, they are in college and the other set younger they are going into middle school and high school. so this started for me as a new game plan! boys are different than girls! round two! my younger two also had health issues when they were young.. thus they were treated differently to begin with... hurdles that had to be overcome.
so like i said i have had the plan for about six weeks or so and i can see some changes that i really like! we still have work to do. with this being summer its better because the kids and i have more time together.
I foind this programme very helpful
The way the programme work is very simple,because it is explained in way that you follow it step by step and very comfortabley.
I thing it is really helpful to have this programme for new parents. Even if the kids r small you csn still handle them the programme teaches you.
Thank you for all the technique and solutions.
Total Transformation helped me to see that my children's behavior was not my fault. I had been so berated and disrespected by them for so long that I began to believe them and blamed myself for their actions, choices and behavior. My first phone call to Total Transformation left me in tears, but very hopeful tears because this very calm, sweet voice told me at the start... "This is not your fault." I desperately needed to hear those words. Upon receiving the program, the changes in our household were immediate. The tools are given in such a simple step by step method and very easy to follow. The Parental Support Line (which I dubbed as "my hotline") was the icing on the cake. I could not have done this without them. Everyone was always calm, attentive and kept me focused no matter the situation. They not only listened and advised but they really helped me to learn how to do this on my own. Since starting the program eight months ago, I now am much calmer, can hold my head up and have my confidence in parenting back. In addition, our home is much calmer, much less arguing, and little to no yelling. My children are learning valuable skills and although we are still dealing with some issues, they are much more focused and cooperative and I am very hopeful and confident.
Thank you Total Transformation!
My son has severe ADHD and sometimes can be a real handful.
This program is in NO means a cure or a "fix all" but it has helped both of us cope better and understand each other better.
There are still days where the ADHD gets the better of us both but those days are no where near as frequent as they use to be.
If your looking for HELP (there is NO cure) with your ADHD child then this system works.
Time restraints caused a delay in my getting started with the Total Transformation Program. I opened it several months after I had received it.
I am a single grandmother of 58, raising two pre-teens, that have done nothing but lacerate each other from the time I took them in (9 years ago). After that last brutal hollering match between these two, and myself as referee, I decided that that was the last straw!
I picked up the program and started watching and learning. Immediately, I started putting some suggested ideas from Total Transformation into practice. Within two days, the hollering, screaming, and name calling, stopped! I no longer referee. Awwwwww, peace and quiet.
Today, they are now sharing more, laughing and playing with each other (which I thought I'd never see), and are respectful towards each other. I have taken my rightful place as grandmother and not referee. I am simply amazed! Thank you Total Transformation for giving me back my peace.
Dear Sir,
Thank you for taking the time to share your observations on our feedback survey offer. It is disappointing that it seems to have been a negative experience for you; it is certainly not our intent.
However, your review gives us the opportunity to shed some light on the feedback survey offer so every customer understands our process and we can learn from each interaction. For any customer to receive a refund of the product price, all customers are asked to use the program with their child and respond to the questions for each lesson, indicating what worked and did not work for them. There are about 8 questions to answer for each of the 7 lessons. Some answers simply require check marks. Some require very short answers, and some ask the customer to share their results with certain techniques in a couple of sentences. We simply ask customers to answer all of the questions in order to receive their refund. We do realize that it takes time to complete the full survey and for that reason, we provide 6 months to a year to complete the program and survey (depending on the option the customer chooses) and we allow parents to keep the program at no cost to them. We are also confident that the immersion in the program and survey deepens the effectiveness of the program and the understanding of each family.
Many customers have told us that while the feedback survey was a significant time investment for them, it helped them to learn the techniques more effectively because they gave more thought to how to apply them. If for any reason our customers feel unsure about how to implement the techniques and provide the requested feedback, they should contact our Customer Service Department and ask questions as they come up throughout the improvement process. We are here to help.
It is unfortunate that the feedback survey promotion did not result in a good experience for you. We do hope that using the program with your child has helped you and that it will continue to help your family in the future.
The Total Transformation is such a wonderful tool to use. It has helped our family so much. We no longer bicker and argue with our children, we have all learned how to communicate better as a family. Thank you for an amazing product!!!
Thank you,
Richard and Wendy Lowe
I started listening to the tapes immediately and work in the handbook to learn as soon as possible how to fix the behavioral problems with my son. I applied several techniques and it smoothly corrected the situation. It was not a radical change, more like a transition. I especially liked the:do not talk to me that way, and walk away. The: going to the room transition, the approach to give consequences while giving him an action to correct the issue, then if done correctly it can be used as a reward. We still have ups and downs but there is no comparison, life is better, not perfect, in the family... I still have a lot to put in practice, now on my daughter who is copying my son ex behavioral issues...
In any case my extended family noticed how much better my son is behaving now.
My sincere gratitude for this program.
I was so miserable with my toddler before Total Transformations. Every tiny task was a fight with my daughter. I would end the day exhausted, frustrated, and miserable. I felt like a failure. At the rate we were going, I never planned to have more than one child.
After working through the program, our entire family dynamic has changed. I actually ENJOY being with my daughter! Thank you James and Janet!! I am now pregnant with my second child and confident in my ability to be an effective parent.
My husband and I are raising our 12 year old granddaughter. After her mother and stepfather separated and they basically both fell apart and into drugs, we took in our granddaughter. As you can imagine, this was a very sad and complicated time. Our granddaughter is a wonderful person, but did come with behavior problems. We were not communicating. She was falling apart when instructed to take part in doing chores, getting ready for school, and bed time. We were getting angry. My husband and I argued on what to do with her.
I tried therapy, but realized that it was going to help, and personally didn't see that my granddaughter needed to talk to a stranger. I was listening to the adds for Total Transformation ads every morning. during a particular frustrating morning I called in to get the program.
With the first tape they give you support and show you how to get your power back. They do this with simple direct common sence instruction. From there they build your confidence and through instruction and the worksheet you learn about your child and yourself. I learned what I was responsible for, and how to walk away from arguments. I learned how to problem solve with my grandaughter. I am confident that we both can use this skill in other relationships. It no longer feels hopeless.
I am a mom who has an adult teenage son with a strong will & very headstrong.
I have tried many things. Consiquences with amends is helping. I have to be more calm & less involved in doing & let him be more committed to correcting it himself.
I have stopped financially fixing or just yelling.
You have a good program that gives good examples & I am seeing training that is working for me. My son & I are still having struggles but our dialogue has improved. Thank you, Noel S.
Dear ams1149,
We’re sorry that we caused you this frustration. When you reached out to order The Total Transformation on our website, that experience should have provided hope and answers for you and your daughter. We regret that it resulted in a negative experience.
One of our Customer Service Representatives reached out to you on April 23 regarding your concerns. We’re glad we could resolve the issue for you and that you’re pleased with the outcome.
Janet Lehman says frequently that change is always possible with children and that it can happen at any time. Although our program has not yet been helpful for your daughter, we hope that it someday will be—that one of James’ techniques will help her to have better interactions with her four children and allow her to have peace in her home. Please know that we will be here for her if she needs us. Personalized help is always available through our Parental Support Service.
Dear Cindy,
We regret that your experience with us was not satisfactory and that our program did not provide the help you were looking for. Our program is indeed designed to change the negative behaviors of children rather than focus on why they misbehave. With this basic tenet in mind, we encourage you to practice the principles in the program to help you make the changes you’re looking for.
We’d also like to reiterate the terms of our offer as stated on our website upon the placement of your order. When customers order online, they pay only $19 shipping and processing at the time of purchase. Then in 30 days, we bill the first of three refundable monthly payments of $109 plus any applicable sales tax. When we receive their completed survey within 180 days from the delivery date, we refund all payments made and cancel any future payments, less shipping and handling. We strive to communicate these policies in a clear and transparent way in all customer communications, and we adhere to our stated policies for all of our customers.
Our most important concerns are your satisfaction and success. One of our Customer Service Representatives left you a message on April 23 to offer assistance and to provide guidance on our refund policy. Please call us at 1-800-460-2253 when you can. We’re here Monday through Friday, 8:30 am to 5 pm EST. We appreciate your patience and understanding and look forward to speaking with you soon.
I absolutely LOVED this program. I was able to implement the strategies with my 11 year old right away.
The best part....I felt immediate relief! I realized her behavior is not my fault, not a sign of bad parenting, it is merely the choices she is making.
Because I felt empowered and understood that all I could really do is guide my child, I felt at ease.
I easily laid out rule and regulations, explained what was expected and then stuck with the consequences of her decisions.
There is a lot of power in following through on a consequence after giving my child the power to choose. I even used the words, "you want to be in control and have control, and you do, by the choices you make" SHe has not liked the consequences but she understands there are some.
I even used the examples given when a child does property damage, steals belongings, etc and noticed better behavior choices right away.
Most importantly, I now Know how to protect myself from the school, and system should my child continue to make choices that aren't in her best interest even though I've guided her.
I now know how to show that I've done my part as the parent, and I know how to advocate that my child be the one paying consequences of her actions, behaviors and choices.
Thank you so much ....This hasn't "fixed" my child, but it has empowered me to do my job as a parent and not go crazy.
I know I will be reviewing this material on a regular basis.
Thank you thank you thank you
We have one child with sensory/anger issues and having a lot of difficulty getting him of the iPad without swearing and meltdowns. (He is 8)
It took one day for the Total Transformation training to work - he is much calmer now and his little sister, who is 5, is responding beautifully to this training as well. Fantastic training, Don't wait!
We adopted a sibling group of 3 kids and we've had them in our home for 3 years prior to getting the total transformation.
We have learned that getting enough sleep is important for us, and staying calm puts us in a much better position to deal with the children's behavior.
It's great to feel like we have some control again. The kids had it for awhile and I think they knew it when we would be mad. We took it personally, now we take it as 'family business'. This is acceptable, or it's not and that's just the way it is.
We've had several councilors over the years, and I think they would say we're much better equiped to be parents with the total transformation in our library.
The councilor we have now, reaffirms our position almost every week on our 'reactions' to the children's behavior. it's nice to have her affirmation on our success as well.
I will not say things are perfect, but at least we're not counting on the other parent to hold it together while we get mad at the behaviors. That didn't seem to work much in the past. :)
One of councilors said the total transformation is like a boot camp. I don't see it that way. I see it as different tips and tricks that will help you manage your family. If you need to follow it like a boot camp, you may need to, we took the tricks and tried them out. We love them!
The Complete Guide to Consequences was so helpful in dealing with my son. In the total transformation, they go into detail about consequences and how they should be applied, but it really made a huge difference seeing those things role-played out.
My husband had not gone through the total transformation with me and the other day, had gotten really frustrated with a situation where my son was being defiant and disrespectful. He finally said, "What can I do? What can I listen to from some of that stuff you've been learning that can help me here?"
I told him we should just sit down and watch the Consequences role-playing DVD, and that'd give him a great overview of what I'd learned in the Total Transformation.
So, we did that and he felt so much better. He finally was able to grasp what I had been talking about and felt like he could "mimic" what the parents were doing successfully with their kids in those situations.
My only complaint about the Complete Guide to Consequences is that there weren't MORE! I would love to see some role plays on what to do when a child refuses to hand over their ipod, phone, or video game. I'd also love to see some role playing dealing with drug use/abuse, alcohol use/abuse, etc.
Thank you so much for this valuable resource!!
The video that presents real life scenarios between parent and errant children was immediately, instantanly powerful and extremely productive when I followed the guidelines.
NO MORE SHRIEKING in our home.
Taking the emotion out of my interaction with the children when I'm observing unacceptable behavior for the "millionth time," has "magically" changed the whole dynamic of the exchange. Thank you.
I heard about the program long time ago ,and I was receiving email as atraicails from total transformation program .i have lessin to the discs every time I played Iagain i learn some thing new.
I have discovered my negative peranting ,I notes some change
With me ,but still have not change with his mom.
Thank you.
Dear Little Y,
We’d like to thank you for reaching out and are happy to hear that you are pleased with The Total Transformation Program. Since parents are applying new techniques with their children and to their own parenting styles, James Lehman recommends taking the lessons in order and doing one lesson each week, no more. Consumers who do follow this recommendation find that they are able to complete their Feedback Survey in approximately 30 minutes per lesson while learning the skills that they need for their situation. They also find that the Feedback Survey helps them to cement the lessons they’ve learned which in turn creates the best possible learning experience.
We hope that even though you were unable to complete your Feedback Survey for a refund, you will continue to find successes with your family when using the tools and techniques from The Total Transformation Program.
Dear Shreenk,
We’re sorry to hear that The Total Transformation Program did not meet your expectations. The Total Transformation Program, created by renowned behavioral therapist James Lehman, offers practical, real world solutions for the most challenging problems parents face. The program is a hands-on behavior modification program that teaches parents/guardians how to change their child’s thinking, in turn changing their child’s behavior. It is ideally designed to be a course in teaching parents how to effectively teach problem solving skills to their children by creating a “culture of accountability” in the home.
When it comes to punishment, James Lehman believed that punishments are not effective because they only teach a child to “do time” for a negative behavior, which is counterproductive. A consequence is something that follows naturally from a person’s action, inaction or poor decision. It differs from a punishment in that a punishment is retribution. Punishment is “getting back” at someone, to hurt him or her back for a hurt they caused.
In The Total Transformation Program, James teaches parents how to implement “task-oriented” consequences. A task-oriented consequence is related to the offense and defines a learning objective. We’ve seen these techniques work time and time again with even the most troubled children—that’s why we are absolutely confident that the program does bring long-term, life-changing results to countless families. We understand, however, that it is up to each parent/guardian to decide what is right for their specific family situation.
Many parents struggle in this area, which is one of the many reasons why we offer the Parental Support Line service. The coaches of the Support Line are extensively trained with The Total Transformation Program and can assist parents with any aspect of the program through guidance, coaching, and support. Our sister website, www.empoweringparents.com, is also an invaluable resource for parents. The site features articles that cover a broad range of topics, from lying and backtalk to ADD and parental abuse. We’re here to help you get the most out of The Total Transformation Program, so you can find the right path for you and your family.
I feel so much better now that I know that some of the things I was doing was good. Unfortunately, I was doing several thing that could use some improved techniques.
Mainly, the way I handle myself when I have to confront my son and the words I use. Calm myself down before I start to discuss any issues.
He is a teenager not an adult. He is in training to adulthood. I am the trainer.
The way I was raised 50 years ago does not work in 2014.
These are a different breed of children.
They see the world different than we do.
I bought this for my grandchildren. They.grumble when I take out a disc, but it sparks conversation and they really get "into" the dialog we are listening to. Paige, my granddaughter had to put on a video and she did a spoof on Total Transformation. After listening to tape 7 she commented, "Girlfriend, (yep, that is my grandma name), This is not for us, it is how you are supposed to treat us. It says you are NEVER yo say, "Look me in the eye! So you must listen. She did not see that at that moment I knew that she and Nicholas had heard every word.
They both are diagnosed as Ausperger kids. Paige has the added ADHD handle. We came up with a revolutionary discovery that with Total Transformation, they can be in control of their attitude and emotions. They help me when doing the workbook by giving their input on the answers.
The difference in their behavior though, not perfect yet is truly transformed. We no longer have terrible tantrums over the battle of will. They can respond with a question about how we can handle the situation or they simply, "go somewhere and do whatever works for them. Sometimes it is burying into a video game -- sometimes it is screaming at the wall or punching a pillow.
Thank God for you and your lovely wife
James Lehman brings a very concise approach to working with difficult situations. As a long time educator in public schools, I am always looking for a better approach to reach today's youth. Too many are dropping out of high school and as a result, dropping out of life.
I kept hearing ads for the Total Transformation Program on the radio while driving to work. I finally decided to call and see what it was all about. I ordered the program and immediately could see the power that James brings to the game. His background and insight are invaluable. I have practiced many of his teachings on various students in different situations, and overall, his methods are spot on and have really helped me find success with difficult students!
Dealing with students the way I do daily has shown me that WE must change what WE are doing if we are going to be able to reach today's youth. The job is too important. We can NOT continue to teach the way we did 50 years ago. Kids just don't learn the same way anymore!
As teachers and parents, we will either change our approach, or we will lose too many of our kids.
After completing the Total Transformation program, I had to order the Consequences Program. It was just as great. I am very glad that I took the time to do the work necessary to gain the insight that James offers.
I completed all of the required surveys within the time frame and Legacy Publishing did refund my expenses for the program just as promised.
As soon as I have the time, I will order the remaining programs. I look forward to them. As you can see, I highly recommend these programs to anyone who is struggling to manage difficult behavior, whether at school, or at home.
I have wasted so much time in needless arguing with my child! The Complete Guide to Consequences has taught me how to put both myself and my child's time to better use.
Before using the Total Transformation program, I would go into lengthy discussions/arguements with my child, justifying myself & defending my position. Now, I know how to give them a clear direction & walk away. No speeches - just set the limit & walk away. It literally stops my child dead in their tracks! No more argueing, blaming or excuses.
The Complete Guide to Consequences has brought peace & quiet to our home.
Total transformation has improved our parenting skills and helped us identify clearly what needed to be changed in our home. Parenting is the most important job and oddly doesn't require a formal education or offer a handbook. Rather, the experience of friends and our parents. Now there is a comprehensive program to strengthen and sharpen our parenting skills.
We had little hope for our situation and this program gave us the courage to deal with my son. We saw within a week a glimmer if hope and what was to come if we were more effective. We now have peace in our home.
I bought the Total Transformation but found something missing for our son.
The ODD Lifeline has allowed me to have a better understanding of him & how to best interact with him. I found the ODD lifeline alittle old (in places- he is 9) for our current situation with him - police, courts etc. (although a lot of it was applicable). It helped me realize & accept who he is. I loved that the author had personal experience.
It is still a work in progress - I found the fail proof consequences empowering.
My children both had ADHD and at the current ages of 34 and 30, our lives are still difficult.I purchased and reviewed this program because I am also a teacher,but mostly because I wanted TOOLS to assist me with my adult children and others in my life - it's never too late to improve daily life! I was extremely impressed with The Total Transformation. I incorporate the entire program into my life - with everyone - improving my own behavior and theirs. Early intervention with this program could have saved me many sleepness nights and non-productive years when my children were teenagers and young adults. Total Transformation teaches the parents how to take control every step of the way.
If you apply these techniques it really does work. I know it also helped me understand my children better.
Definitely a great program & am recommending it to others with teenagers.
Dear Debi Jack,
We are thrilled to hear that you loved the program and found it both eye-opening and amazing. It’s also great to hear you have been telling some of your friends about it. We sincerely appreciate the time and effort that you put into your Total Transformation Feedback Survey and are very sorry to hear that you did not qualify for a refund. Though we do provide the opportunity to correct an incomplete survey to qualify for a refund, corrections cannot be made once the postmark date has passed per the terms printed clearly on the survey. It is certainly not our intent to find technicalities to prevent consumers from getting a refund. We do have uniform policies that are applied to all consumers, which allow us to remain consistent and fair for all situations. We are saddened to hear that your positive experience with the program has become an overall negative experience for you.
We hope that even though you did not qualify for a refund for your survey, you have found and will continue to find, successes with your family in using the tools and techniques from The Total Transformation Program.
While the ideas are sound and would have worked in the 70s and may be in the 80s, todays kids live in a totally different world with expectations that are far reaching.
I spent countless hours listening to the program many many times and completing the survey as required. But it appears there seems to be some glitch in the print or scanning that deemed my survey incomplete and I am out of pocket on the refund promised.
While I was a good experience to reinforce my core belief system , which has not worked with my kid hence I was looking for an alternative, which this did not provide, and when it comes to helping our kids I guess a few hundred buck is not a big deal if it helps. This program did not meet that goal and frankly I feel taken for a very smooth ride.
Dear Shreekant,
We certainly appreciate the time and effort that you put into your Total Transformation Feedback Survey and are very sorry to hear that you did not qualify for a refund. Our records indicate that we received your survey, however there were some incomplete sections on two different pages. Though we do provide the opportunity for consumers to correct an incomplete survey to qualify for a refund, corrections cannot be made once the postmark date has passed per the terms printed clearly on the survey.
In regards to the content in The Total Transformation Program, our goal was to create the most effective program to help families who are struggling with their children’s behaviors. We understand that each family situation is unique and we’re quite confident that the program can work for most parents and most situations, however we also know that things can be discouraging when you are not seeing the results you had hoped for with the program. If you would like help working the tools in the program with your family, please contact our Parental Support Specialists. They’re trained extensively in The Total Transformation Program, and will be able to personally coach and support you in using the program with your family. Please don’t give up. You might still find success in using the program.
I do find the program helpful. What I have completed thus far.
The only complaint I have is I was supposed to receive a survey via mail to complete to get the program free. I have not received this.
Dear jilted,
We apologize for the delay in getting the survey to you and the subsequent miss in getting the follow up explanatory email to you. Unfortunately, there was an unforeseen technical issue with our website that prevented consumers from gaining access to the online survey. In an attempt to rectify this issue, an additional e-mail was sent to explain the situation along with an attached copy of the Feedback Survey. We would like to reassure you that per your request on January 28, 2014, a Total Transformation Feedback Survey was emailed to you, along with your new postmark date, on January 29, 2014 at 8:43am Eastern Time. Please be advised that the delays are unusual and have been rectified.
We are thrilled that you have been finding the Total Transformation Program helpful for your situation. Our core mission is to provide parents with a program that can really make a positive difference with their family. In regards to your survey, your feedback is vital to us, as we continually try to improve and create programs that will give the most benefit to families.
We sincerely hope you are able to find continued successes as you get further into the Total Transformation Program and we look forward to receiving your feedback!
The Lemans certainly know what they are talking about. My problem is I have a 24 yr with many problems and issues that make our daily lives and conversations uncomfortable and stressfull. My husband and I are also the caregivers for our grandchild that belongs to our child. So as I listen to the CD\'s I find myself trying to relate to issues of a 24 yr old and a now 3 yr old.
I appreciate the opportunity to get this help in my own time and it be ON HAND when I need a calming effect or reassurrance that I\'m not the only one in this situation immediately. I keep my CD\'s with me at all times so no matter where I am I can get the support and professional suggestions without making an appointment and waiting to get in to see my therapist.
Thank you for ToTal Transformation it IS making a difference in our lives.
The Total Transformation helped us turn the behavior in our 7 year old grandchild in a new and positive direction. I feel that the lessons learned with Total Transformation can be used in all aspects of daily life and have positive benefits to change our way of looking at problems and solving them.
Thank you Total Transformation
In my case, my son is only 9. We didn't have a severe problem, but I could see it coming. I ordered this program in the hopes that we could avoid the behaviors we were tending to see. After using the program, I was thrilled. My son's grades came up, and our home is peaceful again. There is no yelling, there are no fits of anger. There is only calm. It took a while to get here, but we kept using the suggestions from the discs and there was success. I, personally, loved the One-minute disc first. It gave me immediate ideas on what to do and say.
The greatest part about this is that the Lehman Family has been through all of this. This WORKS!
I am a high school teacher and I now recommend it to all of the parents that tell me they are at their wits end. The techniques work! It wasn't that I hadn't tried some of the techniques, it was that the small change in the wording I was using with my son is now working. I would have never known to change these tiny details and am so thankful that I took the risk, ordered the program and LISTENED. I can't tell you how it has changed my outlook AND more importantly, my son's. If you are hesitant, take my word as a teacher and mother: This will help you. You must put the suggestions into practice and the workbook helps you identify exactly what will work for your child. I bought this program with the idea that I could get my money back based on reviewing the material. I don't want my money back. I am truly grateful to James Lehman. He deserves every penny of what I paid.
I started this program 2 months ago and was very skeptical. I am a mental health professional who works with children and yet I had no control over my 10yo son. I dreaded going home at night. I tried everything and brought the total transformation as my last effort before giving up.
This program is amazing. I saw small changes the first 2 weeks I used the program. My son was baffled why his \"manipulation\" was no longer working. Dr. Lehman helped me to understand my child and how he thinks and why he would act out. Through the insight I was able to ask the questions to help him calm down.
2 months into the program and my son does his chores and helps clean the house without asking. He is doing better in school and with his school work. His grades are improving and I no longer fear going home. My son is acting silly and laughing more. His anger is diminishing and I can see the changes daily.
The most exciting part is that I have taken the program slow and therefore; I am only half way through this journey. I know there is so much more I will learn and I know my son will continue to improve his coping and problem solving so that we will be a harmonious family.
I can honestly say the program is worth evrey penny.
Prior to the program, I spent money on therapy, expensive guilt gifts, time off work to think and sometimes just to cry. Time off from work for school meetings and to deal with my son\'s behaviors. Now my days off of work are for vacations, chaperoning field trips and when my children are sick and want me home with them. I no longer buy expensive guilt gifts. My son buys himself things with money he earns from his chores and helping neighbors shovel snow.
I am enjoying my son and my children and try to find ways to spend time with them because I enjoy the peace that this program is restoring to my home.
I'm halfway into the program... and have learn so many valuable tools already. I have started to implement only a few so far, and have seen improvement in my teenager's behaviour.
Thank you for helping to see that she isn't a bad kid... that she just needed me to guide and teach her on how to deal with problems she was having in a positive way instead of feeling frustrated because she didn't have the knowledge.
Knowledge really is power!
My son is now 21 years old, after having his own place for over 6 months he was forced by circumstance to move back home...(there had been behavior problems before he moved out) well they were worse when he came back. I couldn't find help anywhere in my community for what we were experiencing. I remembered seeing and hearing ads for Total Transformation and after I looked a little closer I decided to give it a go. At that point I was really desperate for a solution. Between the time I ordered the program and the time I received it things deteriorated to the point that I had to call the police on my son and due to his behavior with them he wound up being arrested. My son spent 48 hours in jail and being psychologically evaluated. During that time I received Total Transformation and immediately began watching and listening to the program. The information provided was nothing short of transformational, for me, for my son, for our family...
Buy it, use it, it will bring you Peace you didn't know was possible
The program totally transformed our family and took away the wedge that was dividing us. I have more control, patience and communication with out teenager and nine year old. I no longer dread family activities or trips. It has also taught our children how to communicate and support each other. I had my doubts about program at beginning, but am a believer now. I recommend this to all parents whom are at wits end with thier unruly children.
Thanks again, john
Dear Arwener81,
We are disappointed to hear that you have not yet been successful with our program. We strive to create the most effective programs to help families who are struggling with non-compliant and abusive children. We understand that each family situation is unique and we are quite confident that the program can work for most parents and most situations. We also know, however, that things can be discouraging when you are not seeing the results with the program as quickly as you hoped. If you would like help working the tools in the program with your family, please call our Parental Support Specialists. They’re trained extensively in The Total Transformation, and will be able to support you in using the program with your family. Please don’t give up—challenging behaviors in children really do create stress for parents. Know that you are not alone and there is a community and a program to support families like yours for as long as you need assistance.
I am a single grandmother who has legal custody of my 11 year-old grandson who was exhibiting oppositional defiant behavior on a regular basis. Life was very chaotic.
The Total Transformation Program improved my grandson's behavior from the very first disk they sent to me.
Thank you Total Transformation Program for giving me hope and peace.
My grandson is much more cooperative when I use the information I have been given by the Total Transformation Program.
Dear lazychatter@aol.com,
We’d like to commend you for reaching out, with wonderful intentions, and ordering the Total Transformation Program to help your daughter and her family. It’s unfortunate that she was unable to use the program as you had hoped she would. Many of our consumers have found themselves in similar situations—they too have great intentions by trying to help their families, only to find that the situation has changed to where they feel they can no longer use, or even begin to use, the program. Our goal is to gain feedback from our consumers regardless of their situations and hope that even if there is no longer a child in the home, the family can still gain some insight/knowledge from what the program has to offer. We hope that your family can do the same. We certainly apologize that your experience was not favorable. Though your circumstances changed unexpectedly, we encourage you and your daughter to hold on to the Total Transformation Program for future knowledge from its offerings when your home or hers is graced with the presence of a child. Alternatively, may we suggest that you donate the program to another family in need or educator that may make more immediate use of the program?
Dear Sean,
We certainly appreciate the time and effort that you put into your Total Transformation Feedback Survey and are very sorry to hear that you did not qualify for a refund. We hold all consumers to the same standards and uphold our policies so that we can remain consistent and fair with all of our consumers. This said, each consumer's postmark date differs due to the fact that the start of the timeframe to postmark a survey is based on when the consumer's package is delivered. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing any delivery date until the package is actually delivered. We state these terms very clearly on pages 3 & 4 of the Feedback Survey.
In regards to your experience with our Customer Service Department, we sincerely apologize that you had a negative experience. Our Customer Service Department thrives on the fact that we treat each consumer with the utmost respect and courtesy when speaking and/or dealing with consumer issues and/or concerns. We hope that even though you did not qualify for a refund for your survey, you have found and will continue to find successes with your family in using the tools and techniques from The Total Transformation Program.
The transformation is unreal. I can't believe the change in my granddaughter.
It's like a 180 degree turn around,It has changed her for the better. I'm happy that I had the chance to try the disc. I'm satisfied.
This product was very helpful in encouraging
me to be a better. I felt like I was a good parent but needed some more options of dealing with Pre-Teen behaviors. This product gave me some excellent ideas and options for handling behaviors not just "the same ole way"! Thanks TTF!
Dear tool_man_28,
Thank you for sharing your disappointment with the Total Transformation Program. We do appreciate candid feedback- both good and bad. We do find that many of our consumers are successful in using a good portion of the program even with very young children because they want to be proactive, however, we understand the situation in every household is different and each child is unique. This being said, using many of the tools and techniques from the program can provide results with younger children, such as a three year old. As your child grows, you’ll begin to see the added benefit of some of the more advanced features of the program. Typically, by the time the average child reaches the age of five, he or she should have the ability to follow all the concepts that the Total Transformation Program provides. We do understand that each child is different and only you can know for sure what is right for your child. If you have other children in the home, we would encourage referencing and/or implementing the program tools for those situations as needed. If you feel that you can’t use the Total Transformation Program currently, we encourage you not to give up. There is a wealth of knowledge that can be gained in the meantime that you’ll be able to apply when you do feel your child is able to understand and respond to all of the concepts.
In regards to the Feedback Survey Promotion, we apologize that you felt you could not complete the survey for a refund. The intent of the Feedback Survey Promotion is to gain a better understanding of what is, and what is not, beneficial for parents by asking for honest feedback even if you may not be able to apply all of the tools in the program. We truly hope that you will find the successes from all of the tools offered in the Total Transformation Program and apply each tool effectively as your child grows and matures.
I am very pleased with how I have learned from this program. I can now see which is more important to work on, and there is less fighting. I know how to explain and not order.
Children now know what is expected and how to use words for problems, not that they always use them but they usually know when they have been wrong and will apologize or try to fix.
Dear Singlemomofone,
We are thrilled that you found The Total Transformation Program informative and easy to listen to as your first experience with our programs. Our core mission is to provide parents with a program that can really make a positive difference with their family, while also making it cost effective. While it is concerning that your impression of our website is that it is unclear and deceptive, we do appreciate your candor. It will enable us to continually strive to present the terms and cost of our programs as clearly as possible for everyone to avoid any misunderstandings when placing an order. As far as the cost of the program, we recognize that some consumers may have difficult financial situations. Indeed, situations like this inspired us to offer promotions similar to the promotion that you signed up for, the Total Transformation Feedback Survey Promotion. The Feedback Survey Promotion allows parents and/or guardians to not only gain the tools and techniques that the Total Transformation Program provides, but also allows them to keep the program as long as they follow the terms of the offer. To be able to provide consumers with the opportunity to receive a full refund for the program cost in exchange for their time, effort and feedback is a priceless opportunity. Your feedback is vital to us, as we continually try to improve and create programs that will give the most benefit to families. The price of the program is not intended to overwhelm any of our consumers, but rather to provide incentive to give us honest results as they are applying the techniques of the program. We sincerely hope you are able to find the successes that you had expected when ordering the Total Transformation Program and we look forward to receiving your feedback so that any financial burden you feel is lifted. After all, we are in the business of connecting families to behavioral solutions that are accessible, affordable, and effective.
We started listening to the first disc in the series, and our 13 year old daughter humphed about it (in the back seat of the car). We had decided that she needed to be involved in what we were learning just in case she would have input. She demanded that we stop the disc and declared adamantly that it wouldn't work because she wouldn't LET it work for fear that we would thing we were great parents. We thanked her for her input and continued listening, occasionally making comments and leaving the door open for her as well. She didn't say more that day, but the next day she said, "he really made a lot of sense ... maybe we should keep trying."
We are not "done" yet, but we are well on the way to a transformation for our family! Using the TTP, we have been able to refer back to Dr. Lehman's words as we encounter explosive moments. The explosions have reduced both in frequency and intensity, and we look forward to a continued change as we keep putting the concepts into practice.
I got the program because mu son is ADHD and ODD. He take medicine for ADHD but the .ODD is not improving. He gets in trouble in school no because he is not intelligent he is brilliant as one of his teachers had toll me, but because he refuses to do the work.
Our relationship at home is very stressful and tense. We have a power struggle since he is three years old. A counselor recommended the Total transformation program and while purchasing that I found the ODD life line. I'm still going through the program but as it is it had help me recognize what actions I need to take to direct my son in a different way. Also help me understand that all I can do is to teach him but it is up to him to learn. I see where I have been wrong approaching him and my response to his behavior only has escalated the difficulties. This program is helping me see new avenues of communication and the hope and he will have a better future with a more positive attitude.
The complete guide to consequences showed me exactly what I needed to do in order to be a more effective parent. I have always struggled with discipline and my kids. My oldest child seemed impossible to get "under control". After viewing and reviewing the guide, I have finally found answers to all the problems I had with getting my kids to behave...I would recommend this product to any parent struggling with out of control behavior from their child. It works on teenagers and middle school ages equally well! Thank you for the great resource!!!!
This program gave us the tools to help our son to express his feelings. Once we started watch the videos everything made sence. We saw a difference right away.
Thanks
My grandson has problems with anger and he is very defiant. This is very upsetting to everyone in the family. His father gets very angry with him and does not have patience,which causes terrible confortations. I feel this program will help with these issues. My franson is ding better and his father is trying to be calmer when the out of control fits occur.
With time time I feel our lives will be so much better. Dad, Mom and myself our really trying.
It was the most outstanding sessions I have ever heard
Jim is reality based. I used the tapes to help in my own life and my moms family. My work and my friends
This course us not just for kids. It will help you understand adults that have been raised loosely
I can't say enough about it. It will help you every day with life events. It even works with large kids over 18
Jims done an outstanding reality based problem and given the world hope. Once you understand the problem you can tackle it. It was the best investment ever made.I listen to the cd's over and over. Ease of use with driving. I want to thank Jim for his gift to the world---a touch of reality
I have not used Customer Service/Parental Support so I can not rate them.
The package is well organized and easy to start and listen to. But I personally am having no success in effecting any changes. I have made some changes to myself, but that does not solve the problem. For some, we really need an in-person/office assistance. Or maybe it just can\'t be done by a novice.
Dear “Still Lost”:
First of all, thank you for your candid and honest feedback. We are here to help every family benefit from our programs—even novices and still struggling parents. Your best recourse to make immediate and real change is to work directly with our Parental Support Specialists at 1-800-782-1182. (This number also should have been included in your Total Transformation package.) They’re trained extensively in The Total Transformation, and will be able to personally coach and support you in using the program with your family. They can walk you through step-by-step in implementing each of the program tools effectively in your home and can explain how to use the tools to you if you have any questions.
I also want to say that I identify with your disappointment in struggling with family behaviors. Please don't give up—you are not alone. After a decade in business, I’m confident that this approach works for most parents and most situations. Truly persistence and motivation to change are the keys to sustained success. Please keep us informed of your situation and experience; we can work with you to improve your experience.
Dear mommaof3,
We are disappointed to hear that you have not had success with our program. We’re confident that it can work for most parents and most situations. If you would like help working the tools in the program with your family, please call our Parental Support Specialists. They’re trained extensively in The Total Transformation, and will be able to support you in using the program with your family. Please don’t give up. You might still get the help you need.
Alexander Pope once said that hope springs eternal in the human breast, but Proverbs 13.12 says that hope deferred makes a heart sick. I was heart-sick for so many years but then God allowed this amazing company to come into my life and be a part of the renewal of hope, in many ways, not the least a relationship with my youngest child.
Thanks to the principles I learned in their training I am reaching out in more healthy ways and being consistently loving but firm about what I know is right.
I have no words to say just how thankful I am for this program. May God continue to bless all those involved in changing lives and futures.
Because my BP daughter, 27 years old, is a different case for this program as I could not use very many consequences for her abusive actions.
What I did learn was that I DO NOT have to put up with her abusive behavior and I am a good person. Whew when I have been so verbally abused by her, I was getting scared. Then when she drove her car with me in it very very fast because I hadn't agreed with "something".
I also read a book, "stop walking on eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger which I must tell you has been my BP Bible for the last two months. It coincided with your program and gave me strength to overcome my fears and doubts of being a good parent or not. I AM. Than you for helping me, no, us.
I found that the discs did not fit in snuggly and securely, so they frequently had to be fished out of the bottom of folder where they all fell.
We totally enjoyed and learned from the program, most of the time it was a reinforcement of what we already knew, but was a great source of support and encouragement.
IT WORKS!
the total transformation discs were just what I needed to get on track with my daughter. My husband passed away a few years back when my daughter was 10 years old. He was the disciplinary force in our home for the three older children. Life got real tough for myself and my girl who was 14 when I got the program. It helped me understand the manipulative ways of kids. It also helped me to understand how my parenting was ineffective and how to be more effective. Now, my daughter knows I mean what I say now. She wants a harmonious home as do I.She now understands the pecking order in the household and that she is NOT my peer. I do believe she is on her way to being a very fine young lady. I am proud of her accomplishments. She is working hard at school and looking forward to a bright future. I am enjoying her company. Thanks so much for the fine insight and how to deal with the issues we were having
The Total Transformation really does work, but it takes time and effort.
It's not something that happens over night, it's a lot of trial and error, especially on the parents part, but so worth it in the end. I found I needed to do a total transformation first before my child could. I had to learn the skills necessary to talk to him in a way that he would be accountable for his actions. Our whole family benefited from the program, we communicate better and our home is quiet and feels safe. I use the Alternative Response quite often, and that alone seems to make the biggest difference! Don't give up on the program, listen to each disc one at a time, do the workbook, and in the end you will be amazed at the results!!
My husband passed away a few months ago and he was the leader of our family and the main disciplinarian. I have a 15 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. I ordered Total Transformation because I knew I needed guidance, I needed to know what action to take and when and I needed support to stay consistent.
It has worked, we are still working at it and I listen to the CD's over and over again because I want to get this right. My kids are surprised at how simple some of the consequences are but you can tell things are getting better. I am getting more confident in my ability to do this alone.
The kids are changing some, they are normal kids that are going to test those boundaries and when they do, I revert back to my teaching from these CD's and respond accordingly.
Explaining to my kids this is probably what you feel when you are angry, well guess what, this is what you can do to manage those trigger points. I have answers for them that work thanks to this program.
And this program has shifted my focus, they are not going to be happy when they receive a consequence and that is normal. Focus on the behavior not the attitude.
I love this program and I feel like it is going to guide me for the remaining years until they move onto college.
The Complete Guide for Consequences really shows that you are not alone in your struggles. It gives examples of detailed problems, and then shows you how to solve these troublesome issues while keeping your cool. Your child may still complain, but he/she will now also take immediate action on your directions.
This has helped us with our Autistic son, and even he now compliments the program. Don't hesitate; buy now and you will improve your family life dramatically.
Very helpful CD series! These have helped me change my 'hamster on the wheel' past behavior and therefore, my family is in a much more peaceful place. Listen and DO it. I have even some of the information to work with a difficult friend situation. You will not be disappointed!
The only reason I give the program 4 vs 5 stars is that there is always room for improvement in any program.
This is a program for parents who are tired of soft-soap conversations with children, which don't ACTUALLY result in change. Instead, a DVD with simple instructions and an easy-to-follow system of making the child do the work instead of the parent. James talks you through each step and you come out feeling that this is something you really CAN try.
I've been in education for 20 years and I recognize a good system when I see one. I've used it with my kids and I love the results. (Shh! I even use it in school too, but don't tell anyone - it's my secret weapon!)
Total transformation saved my sanity. My usually sweet and caring 19 year old child became disrespectful and out of control almost over night. I suspected drugs and alcohol were part of the problem. I found myself on the floor sobbing with grief. As a single mother, I felt alone and terrified and prayed constantly, yet the behavior continued. At my wits end, I heard about the free offer from TT and called. Immediately I felt bathed in support and concern. Once my package arrived, I immersed myself in the CD's and put the principles to the test. The first thing I noticed was a peace that took over me and as I applied the principles, confidence blossomed. Somehow I had given my control away and now I was getting it back. My daughter began to change as well. I had to do the changing and once I did, I got my precious daughter back. Are things perfect? No, but now I know how to handle things. I believe that TT was the answer to my prayers.
The qualities and words that come to mind when I think about the Total Transformation Program, and my experience with it, are: it's-about-time-somebody-said-it, no-bull, parent's advocate, parental lifeboat, resurrection and salvation for families, personal ownership, personal accountability, old-school common sense, teaching and modeling self-control and self-respect, teaching and modeling analytical thought over emotional impulse, teaching and modeling response versus reaction, practical, relevant and effective, immediately applicable, adaptable, respectful approaches, mother's little helper (or maybe not so little), effective coaching for effective parenting, parental empowerment.
Every program out there has naysayers, without exception. I encourage parents and professionals to actually DO the lessons and techniques and apply them for a long haul before passing judgment on TTP. And to keep in mind that the changes that will take place will not necessarily be colossal or immediate. A slow drip still fills the cup with strong coffee.
The changes I see in my child are stupendous. He now replies, "Yes, mommy." He is much more helpful and does his chores with little to no arguing. He has completely made an aboutface and I owe it all to The Total Transformation. If you are a parent who finds yourself hopeless with your son or daughter geting the best of you, try The Total Transformation. It really works. :)
I bought the disks and listened to them in the car. They were so good I listened twice (The only they I didn\'t like is they kept slipping out of the folder.)
I also signed up for the weekly emails and they are always worth reading.
Called the help line once and there was a real person who helped me to calm down and think through a plan.
I have started modifying my approach with my 3 kids and got immediate positive responses. It helped even with my son who has attachment disorder, which is saying alot.
The Total Transformation Program is one of the best programs I have ever used. Listening to the CD and working with the workbook is very helpful when dealing with a problem child. I used the program as instructed and it help me as well as my child. Parents need to listen to the program as a family. Sometimes very hard for the child to sit and listen to what is being said, but after thinking and relating the issues as they were happening in our house, my child would understand why she could not talk to us the way she did. It really is a great program and well worth the money.
Hi my review of The Total Transformation Program is a pleasure to write. 6 months ago I was at my lowest with our 14 yr old ADD daughter. My husband also has ADHD.
I learned so much from this program that it is true that issues which were happening in our home are no longer. I am a problem solver in life and the program is what they say / true to its claim easy to follow and extremely valuable if you follow it and stay with it. I have told many friends of kids with ADD especial. I have to say the main question in our case was answered when James Lehman talked about why these types of kids act out is because they do not have any coping skills. That statement almost immediately opened my eyes as to what was really going on with her. I like knowing what I am dealing with - then I can help my daughter - James did that for me.
The only issue that I have with the program is the CD's. Some of them the audio goes in and out at times but only for a second or two. I really did not bother me much.
But the program actually works. And the great part is that I can listen to it again and again and work through workbook as needed for a refresher.
I was paying $100 a session for my child to attend therapy and it was not working. Since the program I have been able to handle her more effectively and get the necessary results and the best part I was able to cancel her sessions within the first 2 weeks of using this program.
Thanks James
My son who has always struggled with behavior, and writing in school say with me through all of the tapes. He was disgruntled about it to begin, but at times lifted his head and made statements with grudging surprise on his face like "I do that."
He and I both began to see that he was using many behaviors to avoid dealing with his true struggles, a writing disability and these behaviors were only worsening his situation not making it better.
Listening to the program helped him realize there truly is "No excuse for abuse"
Over time we agreed to try the techniques the most important of which separating our strong emotions from our arguments really helped. I am also a pediatrician after seeing the positive effect of the program on my son, I have begun to recommend it to my patients.
The Total Transformation Program is truly a remarkable program. It is in the process of "transforming" negative behaviors of our soon to be, 8 yr. old granddaughter.
We , regretfully, did not use the Parental Support Line, resource. I truly believe we should have...and possibly did not do so because of "embarrassment"...I encourage all to reach out and take advantage of this resource!
This program is not for those who are looking for a "do this" and get a "quick fix"...it is not for those who are seeking a "punishment" mode toward correction. HOWEVER, it is for anyone who is willing to "work the Program"...by this I mean...take the time, listen to what is recommended, and try the recommendations. It challenges anyone in a "parenting" role, to try different approaches. It helps us to change our thinking...our own "stuck in the mud" , approaches...and if one truly tries and "works the program"...it works!
I also believe it will be an on going program...to continue to use throughout the childhood of our granddaughter....Bravo, and Thank you for this: Total Transformation!
As i have read and watched the total transformation it is so helpful in every day life and every age child from 1 to 20 .Everything that James Lehman teaches is awesome .
At first i just wonted james to come stay at my house i was raiseing a 17 year old and a 3 year old you talk about tough. but then after studying and being able to go back to the teaching has help me drasticly .I will say that this is for every parent that has a problem with there children.I OWE IT TO MR.LEHMAN FOR MY TEACHIGS . THANK YOU VERY MUCH.....
I initially ordered this program just because of my youngest child. I had no idea it would end up working so well for my 17 and 22 yr old children. I implemented the suggestions and changed my approach in speaking w/ my children and saw instant results w/ some common issues that always ended in a verbal tirade. I stood open mouthed and shocked that I received the desired results without a fight. Not to say it has been easy, I myself needed to retrain myself in how I approach and speak w/ my kids. I also pick my battles much better.
My youngest child whom I origionally ordered for, I was able to realize that there were bigger issues here, and that really prompt me to seek additional proffesionsal help. I also still use most of the techniques I've learned on my youngest in conjunction w/ the proffesionsal help she needed.
This program really works. I was skeptical, but the yelling and arguing has stopped in our house. Our child has become much more responsible and respectful.
Just try it.
My only regret with this program is that I didn\\\'t start it years ago with my sons. Total transformation is useful at any age of your children. As parents
we discovered many helpful tools in effective listening and communicating with our college age children. Yes, it has helped our sons to have a more positive out look at life. They respect us more and we respect them too!
To Whom It May Concern: This program has solved mysteries and caused dialog that might not have ever been known or accomplished.
I feel that I know my children on a different level than before this program.
There is hope to those who have lost it. There are others way to communicate and to be relieved of the burden that you as a parent are carrying. You and your children can have a better relationship. It is possible. It\'s okay to realize that you as a parent made mistakes in the past, we\'re not perfect, but this program helps us to find our way clear of some parental bondages that we seem to put on ourselves. Take control of what seemly you have lost control of (ourselves). There are some strong messages in this program that will ring true and resound confirmations that will give you a sense of peace that you are finally going down the right path. It\'s never too late...
This program approaches problem behavior in an objective, business-like fashion. They suggest that parents don\'t get overly emotional, but deal with behavior exhibited and planned rather than feelings and motivations.
I see this program as a helpful first-aid approach to an existing problem, and a helpful long-term approach in general.
I do not see it as a complete child-rearing program, however. It applies to the scope that they intend: altering behavior in desirable in acceptable ways, and teaching children how to cope with issues.
In other reviews many have said the content contained in The Total Transformation is common sense. While the contents are practical and logical they are anything but common.Total Transformation is just as much about the kids behavior as it is the parents response to their behavior.Having worked with youth for several years now I have seen a vast amount of ineffective parenting. The skills taught in these lessons are just what parents and youth workers need. Even if you think this stuff is common sense it is still a great reminder and will help you freshen up your skills.
Take advantage of the survey offer while its still available. The survey isn\\\'t a hassle but another tool to help you really cement what was taught in the lessons. Customer service was a breeze. After returning my completed survey I promptly received a refund in just a couple weeks. Anyone who is a parent or youth worker could benefit from these lessons. The Total Transformation program is about helping youth take responsibility and being held accountable for their actions, something seldom seen in today\\\'s culture.
This program works. I read about it for a couple of years then finally when I was at the bottom, I tried it.
If you are like me, you don\'t like to share your family problems with others. You don\'t want others to know what goes on in your home, or you don\'t want them making judgements about your child. Because you know your child is great, but they have some issues, and that is painful! So, the TOTAL TRANSFORMATION as the answer for us! In the privacy of our home we got the help we needed. James helped us to evaluate our selves and see where WE needed to change in order to get our child to change. You will swear he lives silently in the corner of your home when you hear him talk about the fights we have with our children, He knows! And he will guide you step by step in how to deal with the problems effectively.
The parent hot line is a wonderful tool and helped us so much! They know exactly what you are going through and they help you calm down, and get focused again so you can deal with the problem at hand. I honestly can\'t say enough good about this program!
Finally, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have seen improvements in our sons behavior within the first weeks of use this program. Our son is now taking more responsibility for his actions instead of blaming everyone else. It is a work in progress, and we know there are no miracle cures, but this is as close as we can get for now.
The fighting has almost completely stopped. We are liking each other more and more each day. We will always love our son, but sometimes it is hard to like him when he stubbornly make the wrong choice. Those days are get to be fewer and fewer. Wd are glad we found this powerful program.
I was growing increasingly frustrated with the results I was getting when I disciplined my children. I have read many child behavior books and enrolled in various programs in an attempt to find one system that made sense and more importantly, that was effective. I think my confusion over what to do when was making the problem even worse.
When I started using the techniques in the Total Transformation, I felt empowered. The One Minute Transformation was brilliant in its simplicity and effectiveness.
Overall, I liked how the program explains the origins of your child\\\'s behavior issues but does not make you feel like a bad parent. In fact, it has a no-nonsense approach to behavior change, which was quite different from all of the other parenting books I have read. It gave me practical tools that were immediately effective.
There were so many ah-ha! moments that literally changed my viewpoint on parenting, and gave me perspective on my role as a parent. One idea that really struck me was the notion that feeling better about yourself does not bring about better behavior but, better behavior can make you feel better. This was totally opposite from what I had been reading. I was trying to boost my child\\\'s self esteem thinking that was the core issue to his problems. Now I know that it\\\'s about holding your child to a higher standard of behavior and not accepting less that creates a higher self esteem because it shows the child you believe they can do better. The whole lesson on creating a Culture of Accountability is something that should be taught to every parent.
I highly recommend this program!
I am the mother of 4 ranging from 8 months to 7ears. My surprise has been with how much of the program I can use with the 3 older ones. Getting them to listen to me was a big problem. I am seeing a sinificant difference when I get down on my knees and speak to them. I hope to implement some of the valauble information as they grow older. Each time I spoke with the Support Line I learned something that I didn\'t know.
I have been telling my friends about the program.
A Happy Mom
I am a single parent of two children for the past six years. My son is 12 and my daughter is 8. I looked at the Total Transformation on line for a very long time, each time opting not to pursue it as \\\"just another gimmick\\\". My son was becoming progressively worse with his behavior, defiance, and attitude. The constant calls from the school, camp, sports and every other area he was involved in. Our house had become a place filled with tension, fighting and unhappiness. The turning point was when I had to bring my son to the police station for destroying another kids phone. The officer worked with me but I had become desperate.
I decided to take a chance on the Total Transformation product. The initial video and the follow up cd\\\'s not only offered some possitive advice, they were comforting to me as a parent that there was hope and I was not alone. We are half way through the program and the results are already showing. I am dealing with my son with James\\\' guidance in a way that is so positive. He has responded so well. I am using the techniques for my daughter as well. She had no apparent issues but she has been reacting well and more relaxed with her brother and I being able to deal with things without \\\"blow-ups\\\". I know this is just the begining to my whole family on a better, safer journey.
THANK YOU JAMES!!
This program came at a time when we were in real crisis. We were given so many tools and a great knowledge about what was going on in our kids minds, the best way for us to deal with it, and the ways WE should act differently.
It\\\\\\\'s amazing because they cover all the things going on in our home. Thank you \\\\\\\"Total Transformation\\\\\\\". While we still have a lot of work to do, we now have the tools.
My profession directly uses behavior therapy. That being said, I still did not have the tools needed to efficiently deal with teen behavior issues. We have 4 children. Peace is a necessity . Our home is so much more peaceful! our children are far more compliant. Two of the kiddos have diagnosed behavior problems. This program works with all of them. Make peace in your home a priority, take the time to follow through with it and you will be happy you did. Dedicate yourself to learning new skills and it will pay off big. The whole family benefits !
I have a bachelor\\\'s in Child development and did graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling. I thought the program was well thought out, presented well, and I learned several things. Best of all, my husband who has not had this training learned a lot and I think we are much more on the same page now for child raising. He could see from a third party that there were better ways to address some of the issues we had.
I especially liked the positive attitude of this approach. I liked that you can tell Dr. Lehman LIKES kids, BELIEVES in them, and BELIEVES in us parents - that we can all change and improve. Isn\\\'t that the greatest position - that we can be better and learn how! And I particularly liked the attitude of \\\"coaching.\\\" He doesn\\\'t ever put parents or children in a negative light. We just all need better coaching and a support system that we can really do this. I thought the parent support staff did well with this. Even a long time parent like me (oldest is 35 and youngest is 11) learned and improved!
We're from the era of getting grounded for a week (or a spanking) was the answer to everything -- and for us as kids, it worked. But not for our kids. Our two difficult teens, for whom consequences meant very little, have incredible endurance.
The Complete Guide to Consequences helped me understand the difference between punishment and consequences (seems obvious, but...); and to have the confidence, the words, and the ideas to use when our darlings weren't behaving so 'darling'.
The ideas presented for the teen are working for me. It hasn't changed long-term behavior yet in the 15 yr old, but it's the short-term help which gives me the breathing room I need to stay centered. Our 6 yr old is very well-behaved, so I haven't had to use a lot of consequences, but I can see that there has been a positive effect in those few times I've had to give him some, and even more of an affect watching what his big sister is going through! (As for the eldest, she's in college and lives away from home).
I highly recommend the Consequences video for all parents. It should be watched early on in their parenting career.
We received legal custody of our grandaughter after several families and organizations attempted to care for her. Her father had taken her and separated from her alcoholic mother.
After several years the father died of cancer leaving the then 8 year old daughter to the hands of anyone who might care enough to help.
After others gave up, we were asked to take in the then 10 year old girl.
As concerned grandparents we were happy to do this. Initially things went reasonably well. When age 13 came we all of a sudden had a girl who wanted to be totally independent and totally disregarded our instruction and suggestions. We knew she was headed for a life of disaster and also realized that we were at our end in terms of knowing how to handle the situation.
We had raised 4 of our own children. We weren't dumbies on child rearing but had lost some of the stamina of younger years. We needed to be reminded of some of the techniques we hadn't used for many years.
After getting into Total Transformation I looked for one area that I felt was important and began to implement it. I told our granddaughter that she was responsible for keeping her bedroom reasonably clean. Initially I helped her to clean it to what she and I agreed to be reasonably clean. We agreed that I could check any time and that if the room was not reasonably clean she was not allowed to go to any of her friends or have her friends down until she had looked after her new resonsibility. She was told up front that this responsibility was not negotiable because a certain degree of order was essential for living a less frustrated life.
She came to know very quickly that when she desired to go out to her friends, her room would be checked out first. On one occassion she came with me to check out the room. Since the room needed some work I became totally quiet - I didn't say a word. The silence was awkward. She broke the silence and pointed out a few items that should be changed to make it acceptable. My response was, after you have done that you may go to your friends. There was no arguing, no raising voices, but submission.
There continues to be a noteable positive change in her life as we continue to give her more freedom as she responds to life situations in an amicable way.
In her most recent school report she scored the highest possible score from all of her instructors for "respect". We make a point of giving her genuine praise when she does things in a respectful and thoughtful way. She is much happier leaving us with much less stress.
We know the road is not finished, but we know we have increased skill in giving needed guidance. We know there are times we must lay out unnegotiable parameters. We know a disrespectful attitude does not have to be tolerated. We can state our case
and walk away without a loud encouter.
I am the step-parent of a teenager with ODD and conduct disorder. I can't even begin to tell you how much this course has helped me and my stepson's mother.
We felt powerless in the face of his rage, temper and explosions. Learning about not trying to change his thinking but instead to focus on what we can do has helped us tremendously.
The temper outbursts have diminished significantly. We have let go of the desire to change his behavior and tried to focus on those things we can do, and fail-safe consequences.
There are still many issues, but we do feel empowered in a way we did not comprehend. One other thing, the more we listen to the course, the more we learn as we have a different perspective each time.
Thank you.
We've been using the Total Transformation Program for about 8 mos. our kids have rounded the corner and so have we. Our life is much better and it's awesome watching our kids grow in ways we never thought they would. This program is a must and it has helped our kids academically as well.
My husband and I hit a wall with my then 14 yr old son over a year ago. He has always demonstrated defiant and "hard" behavior traits. He's been in individual and family counseling with little success. His behavior was hijacking the family and our marriage. My husband came into my boys life over 5 yrs ago. He brought structure, love, and support to our frantic lives but my sons behavior baffled him.
I work for a school system iin special education, often bringing stories home of children with similar behavior. What the Total Transformation program helped me realize that even if my son has Asperger-like and Oppositional Diisorder-like traits, he still needed to be accountable for his behavior and poor grades. We love the reference James makes on one of his CDs of getting pulled over for speeding. A police officer only cares that you broke the law and needed to pay. This helped us focus explain to my son that there are house, school, etc laws that he has to follow- no negotiations allowed. The program provides tangible and straight forward advice while reminding parents that change takes time. We are paying for the hotline as the counselors are patient and practical. We listen to the CDs as needed to keep us focused. Although my son still has a long way to go, we are shaping his behavior with structure and consistency. Helping him learn to problem solve when he is anxious, should help him cope in school and life. We highly recommend this program!
If you are looking for an easy 'fix' to your problem this isn't it (but frankly if you have a problem there probably isn't an easy fix).
For me this program was a lifesaver. I'd tried many 'programs' over the years but this really broke things down so I could implement change step by step rather than trying to do it all at once. Answering the workbook and survey questions held me accountible to not only listen to the information but also to put it into action. If you are serious about change this is the program for you!
I am a woman, and the main dicipline figure in our home as the one who notices the offense. Dad is usually not paying attention to the overstepping of boundaries.
We watched this CD program together and hearing this from another MAN has made all the difference in the world to my husband.
Now I am not the BAD guy-we are united and consistent in our approach to structured discipline, and it gives the child a feeling of security to know that both parents SHARE the same definitions of wrong behavior.
I believe my spouse identified with the boy in the past-having been overly disciplined in his childhood-not wanting to see that happen to his child.
But being told how important it is to be united/consistent in our response to unacceptable behavior, and how it will affect the child's ability to integrate socially in society successfully, gave the need to disciple the respect it deserved.
Now our child is an A-B high school student, doing community service in our church, wanting to help others.
I have been "Very Pleased" with the Whole Program.
As I stated , I ordered it to help with my 2 grand-daughters,and my sunday School class,Juniors. (7,8,& 9) to better understand , the out-bursts,and attitudes that can sometime occur in class. I am learning how to take control of the situations,with my grand chrildren ages 8 and 12 as well as the class.I have learned to walk away,we don't argue back,and I have seen improvement.we talk a lot about taking Responsibility.So The program really works, when you work with it. I am very glad that I ordered the program, the 8 year old is doing better in school already..
I have a young child with oppositonal defying behavior. Much of the behaviors are the result of poor communication skills.
Total transformations technique enables me to zoom in on what the sources of negative behavior as well unwanted communication.
Importantly,the program shine the spot light on me. I came to realize I too needed to be transformed
The program empowered me. For many of years I blamed myself. Total Transformation gave me clear answers.
Dear Parents,
The Total Transformation Program list out scenarios that happens in your home that until now you could not articulate it, do to ridicule, embarrassment, and sheer feeling that no one would understand or relate. As a friend, PTA member or Athlete mom, you never hear about the bad behaviors and struggles every parent struggle with you only hear about the A's and the accolades earned by their children. Therefore, there was never a safe place to voice your concerns and seek strategies to create change and peace in your home. I tell you my only regret with the Transformation Program is that I wish I would have called sooner. But I that regret was soon replaced with verbiage, plan, and strategy that help me help my children in their distress and bring peace and laughter back to our home. Let Dr. Lehman be your personal success coach and when you learn please share with other parents. We have to remember those children that struggle at home shares a classroom with our children.
At first my husband and I weren't certain if this program suited our family, after a review of the targeted behaviors check-list, we realized it did. We now have some really good tools to help us become the effective parents we were trying to be. It blew my mind, when watching the parent workshop DVD, for my son to say "He's got one thing right, it's power and I'm not going to give it up" Our family has done some changing and we're working together to put The Total Transformation Program to work for MORE changes. Thank you for the opportunity to grow TOGETHER as a family!
This product really made a difference. It is quieter around here, and authority has been established, even to the animals! Learning with this program is easy to do and implement. Honestly, this is an amazingly simple and straightforward program!
The Total Transformation has help me to understand myself and family. At times I did not know how to handle certain situations with my children (teenagers), myself and/or spouse. When I heard the radio advertisement, I felt this was something I should look into. While listening to the program CD by CD has given me a better understanding to controlling my emotions and understanding how to handle different situations which have come up. The CD's have helped me to not read into my thoughts, disconnect, understand how important for your children to understand responsibilities, consequences, accountability and more. The Total Transformation has tought me stratergies to be an (empowered) parent and to never give up.
I continue to listen to different lessons, especially the parents workshop to keep me on track when situations become overwhelming. Thank you:)
Kim has done an excellent job communicating with honesty her experiences and helping others to set boundaries in their lives.
Her realistic approach to face the possible realities in real life situations has helped to bring peace and even joy in the midst of a storm. She keeps it real and helps you to see that it is possible to overcome worry in the unwise choices that our loved ones make. With Christ and the help of these CD's I'm believing in a miracle in my family. Thank you Kim!
I have thoroughly appreciated this program. It has given me insight on a lot of things that I was not aware of in training children. This program feels in the gaps of things we normally stress over but have no control over. I have seen a great difference simply by the way I'm learning to handle things with my children. It seems like we are speaking the same language now. Rooms are getting cleaned with no fussing, computer time is limited with no argument, it's like they are accepting challenges better without argument. I could see a difference within the first three weeks in our communication, even though some other areas took a little longer, I can now cope and see a break through. Thank you so much for your help.
So funny to be asked to write a review on this today as I was just at the optometrist's office with my daughter and our doctor brought up how crazy it is with two little boys at home. I brought up the program and she had already heard of it. Her ears perked up and she had some serious interest in hearing more. so I told her the truth: I would pay double for the program, it is that good.
We have a soon to be 18 year old living at home. He has one more year of high school. He was Dx'd with ODD and ADHD since kindergarten, plus a learning disorder. I almost thought we'd be getting this program too late, but we've turned around our situation within a few weeks! Some things turned around within a single DAY. We recommend that you stick with the program and get as much support as possible. Give it time, because it can take awhile for all the lessons to sink in.
We have found the program to be useful just in general, meaning the lessons are applicable to the other adults in our lives, too. This program is cognitive behavioral therapy and WILL work if you do what they tell you to do say. Talk therapy never did us any good around our house. This program is different and it works.
Not only for "problem" children, we recommend the program as a preventative measure. It offers solid parenting skills from which everyone can benefit. I bet it would take "average" (non-problem) kids to become downright exceptional citizens.
I have been working on my sons behavior for YEARS. Always trying somethign different but never seeing much improvement. The phone calls from the school last year almost put me over the edge. It got so bad that I just kept him home for several weeks and did his lessons with him so I wouldn't get anymore for a while.
When I heard about this program I was so hopeful. I received the CD on consequences and watched it over and over and over. It seems like so much at first but with the support of the parent support line I have been implementing these techniques as I am able. I am so grateful that coaching is available. Role play is the number one way to changing behaviors and seeing the scenerios take place were very helpful.
We aren't there yet but we are beginning to turn a corner and I am seeing a glimmer of who my son really is... I've always knows he had a good heart I just didn't know how to help him and I felt guilty. With these tools we are actually doing it!
I am so glad that i spend 3 months searching about this program and got it in the end. My family is turning for good just to have the right tools to deal with the dayly frustration. this video lesson just help me understand the dinamic of deal with my teens.
Thank you
I would highly recommend this program. The cost is well worth and comparable to anything you will learn in most therapy. This is from a single parent who has spent the last three years after my divorce trying to stabilize my then 11 year old - now 15 year old. I have had years of advice from hospitals, residential centers, intensive in home & outpatient treatment. It can be a long road but the information contained this program is practical and is in-line with many successful techniques that I have learned on this journey. Best of luck on your journey.
Dear Mr. Lehman
Your Guide to Consequences is the best program I\'ve come across in my 28 years of parenting. My 2nd son is adhd with other issues and we found your program when he was 17. It turned things around for our family. The power struggles and yelling stopped. We wish we would of found your program sooner! We will continue to us it for our other children and grandchildren that live with us. The best tool for us is becoming coaches.Children with ADHD really need on going coaching.
We have change from reactive parenting to proactive parenting.Thank you!
I found that the concern for my grandson sometimes translated into a "too loving" nature. It just doesn't pay to let a child learn to manipulate boundaries. As he/she comes to adulthood he will need to have developed the tools of self control that will enable him to have a meaningful place in society. While using this program I also was reading Temple Granden's books. I found she credits her success despite rather severe autism, to those who told her when she was wrong and made firm boundaries.
I agree that while we must show love and model patience and anger control, there has to be a gentle firmness at all times. This course described ways to understand when a child is striving for attention with negative behavior as opposed to having a real problem with comprehension. It was extremely difficult not to live with making peace in the moment as opposed to fighting for the future.
I purchased this programme in order to help me with my 6-year old son who has ODD. He has been in counselling since the age of 3 as his temper tantrums have turned into both physical and verbal abuse, towards myself and also his younger sister. I read countless books on parenting and raising children but none mentioned ODD: the common disorder known here in Europe, or at least in Switzerland is ADD.
I desperately needed to be able to handle these day-to-day conflicts and the ODD lifeline is precisely that: a practical guide to enable parents to respond appropriately to a child who seems to have little or no respect for any kind of parental authority. It has been really helpful in learning to pick my battles wisely and relinquishing my part in "controlling" his actions. I am still finding it very difficult to identify the "trigger" events leading up to the outbursts (both his and mine) and the feelings I experience when they take place so the workbook exercises aren't as complete as I had hoped. Further to this, I bought the Total Transformation Program as the ODD lifeline was the 1st stone in building a solid foundation... Thank you for showing us we're not alone in this painful situation!
I found total transformation to be extremely helpful in our house. There are countless examples in this program of things my kids say that I never knew what to respond with. Now I have effective/helpful responses that are stated calmly instead of blabbering on ineffectively like I used to. You have to be committed to the program. If you are committed and take it seriously and do the work, it pays off in spades!
I purchased the Total Transformation to assist with my 11 yr old son. He pushed my buttons to the extreme limit, had an \"I don\'t care\" attitude, did not initiate chores (even the simplest routine tasks), & was very slow at starting or completing anything asked of him. Most of all, he disrupted the flow of our lives resulting in much frustration, disappointment & exhaustion every day.
Often times, I would give in to the whining just to move on without hearing \\\"can I?\\\", \\\"then, can I just..?\\\"or \\\"that\\\'s not fair\\\" one more time.
The program is (without a doubt) applicable to all situations. It is presented in an audio lesson with a workbook exercise following each lesson. Both were relevant, helful & easy to follow and implement.
From the start, I knew the Total Transformation was going to be useful. It helped me (as a single parent to my 11 yr old & 2 yr old boys) to regain the power to take charge & ensure that my son \\\"did care\\\" about himself & others, as well as giving him the ability to understand & take responsibility for his actions.
I did use the parent support line once. The screener was calming, knowledgeable & provided excellent feedback.
My review can go on & on about how wonderfully these techniques work (and make sense). But, to sum it up... My household is much more relaxed. My son handles situations with more responsibility and reacts in a more productive way. I continue to listen to the CD\\\'s as a refresher to help when we both start to loose our focus or need to handle new situations.
I rarely write reviews (good or bad). I could not let this one go without the recognition of helping to make my life more enjoyable and my interactions with my children a rewarding experience every day. THANK YOU!
The Total Transformation was extremely helpful to me understand what I as a parent was or was not doing to get positive change within our household. It was a tremendous reinforcement of the things I was doing correct and a wonderful eye opener on the things I was not doing so well.
I saw wonderful results and I am thankful for having the discs to refer back to from time to time to make sure I am staying on track. There is a lot to digest so to practice as you go along in between discs is extremely helpful.
Thank you Total Transformation!
I was desperate, I THOUGHT my 15 year old son had no respect for authority, did not care about anyone, and would end up in juvenile hall one day if I couldn\\\'t get through to him. He was constantly angry, arguing, disrespecting people, and acting out horribly at home and in public. With the knowledge that the Total Transformation program gave me I discovered I was so very wrong. Using JUST the preview information that the program told me to use until I received the whole set,my son responded with mouth dropping, unbelievable results.
Then working through each disc of the program helped me to understand how my son thinks, why he reacts the way he does, and how to redirect him. It helped me explain to him, why he does what he does. He wasn\\\'t a bad kid, just needed a different way of learning then I had been using. My son is now a loving, caring, happy teenage boy. He accepts authority, takes responsibility for his actions, and most importantly loves himself again. Working through this whole experience has made our communication more open, honest, and direct. Our family is so much stronger and closer.
This program built on what we already were learning as parents to help our child with some behavior difficulties. It was easy to listen too and implement the steps. The biggest thing you need to remember that \"you\" as a parent need to transformed in how you are handling situtation and your child. It\'s alot like when you take a beloved dog to obidence school, you really learn more than the dog because your reaction and take charge is what curbs and helps them.
Samething here but we are talking about helping our children become productive members of society.
Work the program, do not fail to implement and do not be hard on yourself when you have to revisit areas.
Love it, right on target!
I am writing in regards to the total
transformation program. This is a
great way of saving money by reading
this you don t need to find a doctor
drive to a counselor or pay for meds
this tells you everything you need to
do to get your child to communicate with you and to become a better parent
to your child. It is a great lesson to learn to deal with all children that we are around. I have recommended it to many of my friends who children and they love it.
Lydia/ San Jose
I was really surprised at the change in MY thought process in handling my ODD Son after listening to the program and working through the workbook.
I realize now that it is his life and I am on my TOES and know I am doing the best I can for him. His response to the new way I have been handling these situations has been very positive and we are having alot better time together!
Thanks!
At our support group we as parents viewed this dvd and found the information very helpful. The role playing is also helpful, it gives parents a vision of how to respond in a way that is less emotional and more productive. our support group has viewed many of the total transformation dvd's and I feel they are right on track with helping parents, if they are willing to put the time and commitment into the program.
Denise
I was pulling my hair out with my grandson behavior when he would come home from a visit father.
After going through the the Total Transformation Lessions and Program, my grandson has change for the good. even his teacher have notice the great inprovement. He works hard and now help other in his class with out causing others to cry.
We ordered the program to help us communicate with our 10 year old son better. While our son\'s behavior has improved. We\'ve noticed a HUGE change in OUR behavior. We no longer automatically start screaming when there\'s a problem. We think of the steps we learned and try our best to put them into practice.
The program is easy to follow, but there are a LOT of steps so we highly recommend listening to each CD at least twice.
Out of the entire program we seemed to get the most out of CD 6, which offered some role playing of real life situations. We hope a future version of the program offers move of that.
If you\'re having trouble relating and getting the respect you deserve, try the Total Transformation Program, you WILL learn something.
This took principles in Proverbs and translated it into a secular education.
It helped me as a single parent understand the triggers, not \'anger management\', how to manage the problems with disobedience.
Now I tell him to do things and he does them.
I used techniques that he could understand and it worked. GREAT PROGRAM. would recommend it to ALL single parents/moms
My daughter and grandson live with me, my grandson has ODD I ordered The Total Transformation Program because grandson was out of control. I would never have thought that a 7 year old could be so disruptive and controlling. I would not take him anywhere with me because he would not behave and he was getting in trouble at school also. After receiving and reading the program I thought it would not work for my grandson, it seemed to be for older kids but I know I had to do something. I read the lessons and listened to the disc again the second time I was able to understand how to bring it down to my grandson level. The first week was total defiance but I did not give up. The second week was hard but I did see improvement. By the end of the 7th week my daughter and I had control back. We still have up and downs the unfortunate thing is my grandson will always have ODD but using the techniques in the program has made our lives so much better. The parent support service was very helpful I did use it on one occasion. I would recommend this program.
All I can say is THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for giving me back my sweet, caring, loving child.
My son was always a pleasure to be around, a child that was caring, sweet and who\'s sense of humour always made him everyones sweetheart.
Then when he turned 5 some difficult changes occurred in his life. His dad and I went through a divorce, we moved to a different state and as hard as I tried, his world shook. Though he\'s a strong boy this definitely had an impact on him. By the time he turned 9 he had transformed into a boy I didn\'t know and as hard as it is to say, didn\'t like. He had become defiant, oppositional,aggresive. Would constantly answer back. He had no respect for authority, whether it be myself, aunts, uncles, teachers, friends, principals...he did not care. I was having anxiety about answering my phone because it was a call from school every day. He was seeing a therapist for over a year, at first I thought it was helping but soon enough I realized I was wrong. What he said in therapy and what he did out of there where two different things. I would go into my bedroom sometimes when I was very frustrated at him and just cry. I didn\'t want him to see me and I didn\'t know what else to do or what I was doing wrong.
One day, on a particularly hard day I was sitting in my car when I heard the Total Transformation Solution on the radio, I called right then and there, what else did I have to lose?
The customer service rep I spoke to on the phone was so understanding and helpful, she did not make me feel like I was to blame at all and that I had finally reached the right path for help. I was so excited to recieve my package a few days later and though I was warry at first I started listening right away.
I learned something from every single step of the program. Most importantly that being the perfect mom was my #1 mistake! My son was feeding off my guilt and using it against me. My son also realized that by breaking me down he would get what he wanted and my inconsistency with his punishments was proof. Even though I said no to something at first, if he kept nagging and annoying me he would eventually get what he wanted..another one of my big mistakes. He had no sense of responsibility because \"mommy\" would always make excuses for him and cover for him. I slowly realized I \"created\" this little demon now it was up to me to get rid of it and bring back the baby I came home with!
I went through the cd\'s and started putting it into work right away, it was not easy and I still trip up sometimes but now I kow what to look for. The second time I listened to them I asked my son to listen to them with me and shocking enough he did. He sat right next to me on the couch and would ask questions and I would pause to explain things to him. He was trying and some things actually brought him to tears.
To wrap this all up I want to say that this program is a Godsend!I started it in December and we are in April and in just 5 months the difference in my sons behavior is like night and day. Don\'t get me wrong he has his moments as do I as does anybody I\'m sure but it\'s working. I no longer get calls from school, his dean, vice principal, security guards,counselor, and teachers have stopped me around school to tell me what an amazing difference in Joseph. He won second place in the school science fair last week. He is one of the MVP\'s on his baseball team and will sho up for practice even if he does not feel well.
My family who always loved him beyond words no matter how he behaved, pulled me aside and told me \"oh my god, what happened to Joseph? he is like a different kid! he is so sweet and kind and a doll around his 5 yr old and 1 tr old cousins\" my dad told me wow Joseph calmed down alot right?
I am so greatful to the Lehman\'s for this program...thank you, thank you. thank you for this Total Transformation I don\'t know how long or if I ever would have got my child back if it wasn\'t for you. Your program should go onto Noahs Ark if ever we are in danger of losing everything again :-)
Sincerely Forever Greatful,
Joseph\'s proud mom,
Nina
The Total Transformation Program helps you to form your responses so that they fit the situation and the moment. It gives you the tools to help you to take the emotion out of and to just breathe through a teenage rant and to know what that rant is.
Importantly, you learn not to take it personally and to stay in the moment.
This program gives you the responses and strategies to avoid arguments and to begin listening and really hearing that the child has something useful and important to add. Imagine that. You are listening. It changes alot!
The Total Transformation program helps you, as the parent or caregiver, to reflect and to consider a whole range of new techniques and strategies to bring peace into your home and joy back into your relationship with your teens.
It\'s a new set of tools so strap it on and help your child help themselves. The skills you will learn are life skills that your child will use in his own relationships as he matures. Good luck on your journey to a Total Transformation.
I am a parent of three boys, one of whom has many behavioral problems in school and out of school, mostly in school. I want all parents to know that there is help and with the Total Transformation I have gotten help, and I will always have help because I own The Total Transformation.
I have realized that I can use this program as offten as I need. my child with behavior problems also is ADHD. By having him listen to this program has helped him to realize what he did not understand about himself. For instance he was really reluctant to listen at first, he would thow fits while listening to it but I am confident that because of this program we have over come many chalanges. We still have chalanges but I know that if I use this frequently it will contiue to help with our battles. I have even used this product for my self when I was haveing struggles.
I would recommend this program to every parrent not just ones with special needs children but for any child and parent who needs any kind of help.
Thank You Total Transfermation for haveing a program that works.
I love this program! It has been successful for me and my situation. I do feel that there are some rough edges that need a bit of polishing; but other than that it has been a breath of fresh air while raising two teenaged girls with a younger brother watching closely.
Thank you James!!
I think you\\\'re on the right track in trying to improve these kids\\\' decision making skills by weighing things out first. It\\\'s easier said than done though.
Homework battles continue to be the most challenging area for our 16 year old
ADHD/ODD son and I wish you would have covered this area more. What do you say to a kid who says \\\"I won\\\'t to do my homework and I don\\\'t care?\\\"
It is wonderful, as a counselor, to offer a professional program with a solid track record of success to struggling parents. I love the continued support with the online articles. I\\\'ve never used the support line, but it is a wonderful feature to this program. Sometimes the most important aspect of parenting is getting all the care givers on the same page. This program does that by giving all care givers a plan to follow. That kind of consistency yields rapid results.
Thanks!!
The Total Transformation program beats anything else I\\\'ve tried: counseling for my 11-year old child, the Becoming a Love and Logic Parent course, and my parent support group. Unlike Love and Logic, it is really made for challenging behaviors like destructiveness, abusiveness, and defiance. Unlike child counseling, you are the one that learns new behaviors that effect change in your child. I began the T.T. program some months after I began attending my parent support group. I highly recommend doing both. But the support group\\\'s materials weren\\\'t enough to make this BIG, relatively fast change in my child. If I had to choose between the two, I’d do this program.
Total Transformation is a lot of work but everything, including the survey, the CDs, DVDs, the workbook, and the support line, really helps you learn how to change your own behavior. The program pinpointed the areas I needed to change. It provided great responses to challenging behaviors. Changing your responses helps change your child. The program has made a huge difference for us and, best of all, I can review any of my materials at any time!
My husband and I purchased this program for our daughter who has ADHD and is 11, but we noticed it to be more helpful for our 26 year-old son, who acts like he is 15. Our daughter responded very well to the techniques, but she is not really at the problem level shown in the material. This program has given us the tools to avoid creating a problem with our daughter through poor parenting techniques.
The material was explained really well and the exercises really helped us understand the material. The long-lost idea of personal responsibility really comes through in this material, both for the parents and for the child. Already, it is working in our home.
We would highly recommend this program to our family and friends, and to the clients in my husband\'s law practice.
Dr. Lehman has amazing insights and
understanding of people. His lectures are interesting, informative, and entertaining. I have found the lessons useful in
every relationship I have. It really reaches much further into human interactions, than just dealing with difficult children.
This program should be a required
course for all human beings.
This was a most valuable and helpful program.
It affirms the adult and restores dignity to the caregiver. so that respect and real concern can be understood by the child. It is a most effective program.I would highly recommend it.
There are many times as a parent that we feel at our edge - whether it be emotionally or physically. The Total Transformation Program gives you, as a parent, the practical steps to become discplined in how you react with your child(ren). This is an important aspect of parenting, being that we are trying to teach our own child(ren) to be displined. Discipling your child comes from being discplined as a parent - anything other than that is punishment. The Total Transformation gave me as a parent a game plan on how to difuse each situation and to remain in control - thus discplining my child(ren) appropriately. If you need a game plan and want to feel like your are winning in this arena, I would encourage you to use this program.
Your Champion,
Mike C
I feel that Total Transformation is an excellent tool that every parent and educator can benefit from. I work with children, and I’m also a parent of young adults. Total Transformation has given me a whole new perspective on how I view and approach behaviour conflicts. I have learned through Total Transformation that children can react negatively because they don’t know how to resolve problems they encounter in their daily lives. Knowing the right words to say or not say to a child can make all the difference on how the child will respond in conflict resolution. Thanks to Total Transformation I am now more empowered to help kids achieve success.
While my daughter isn\\\'t agressive or completely defiant, she\\\'s a typical pre-teen who doesn\\\'t like to listen but likes to press buttons, do her own thing, be a bit disrespectful, and roll her eyes.
With the Total Transformation, the program enabled me to utilize workable tools to tweak my own parenting style into a more constructive and productive one.
It has empowered me to handle issues in a better way which has helped my overall relationship with my daughter.
The \\\"transformation\\\" is a process... but, like a home, the parent-child relationship is always a work-in-progress -- where things need to be addressed and when needed, changed.
Finding myself impressed and curious from the beginning of this program, I soon discovered I had found true and sound methods of communication and the process of application within my family. I learned that having the correct tools prepared me and strengthened my abilities as a Grandparent. It\\\\\\\'s never too late to learn. I wish I\\\\\\\'d had these tools as a young parent. The methods of communication, example, structure and guidance are so simply explained in 1, 2, 3 order. Each concept following the other. Now, I can honestly say...there is a manual on raising children correctly. The tools I have now are clearly helping me as I teach my grandchildren their responsibility within their thoughts, actions and choices. Problem solving skills are developing and self-esteem is growing because of them. I am so grateful for these truths as they have blessed my family with
knowledge and guidance. This program is effective,
simply explained and application is respectful with step by step instruction. Every child....deserves this positive influence in their life. I am grateful my grandchildren now do.
This program has helped me over and over again with both of my children. It made me realize, I am the parent and they are the kid. I\'m not afraid to take charge and I\'m no longer afraid of them getting mad at me because of it. They have shown more respect towards me in the long run and seem to be more content with their new boundaries.
This has not made them perfect or made parenting easier. The program teaches parents how to parent smarter, not harder.
I still remain amazed at how helpful The Total Transformation has been for my family. I am a foster parent of special needs children. Many of the children I care for are drug effected. Normal parenting styles just do not work with these kids.
Holding each child accountable for his/her actions in my opinion is the key to successful parenting. Children need to know what is expected of them and have clear consequences if they do not follow the rules.
The Total Transformation has taught me it\'s okay to have expectations and set limits. That less talking is more in regards to discipline. I would recommend The Total Transformation to ALL parents.
I have been working with students with special needs for over 10 years. I found this program to provide foundational techniques,to use with my students and their parents. The only problem is that in our public school system, accountability is no longer taught, because so many are afraid of being sued. I wish that more adminstrators, superintendents, board of educations, and community members desired to have this approach IN THEIR COMMUNITY.
I try to share your website and information with as many parents in trouble as possible.
When I was raising my children I prayed for some information like total transformation offers. I was a young widow and as a result had some of the problems most single parents face. It was my oldest, my darling, beautiful, smart, talented daughter who turned my life and heart upside down.
Now, I am teaching in a Correctional facility for male youth. The program has helped me \"keep it together\" when I need to. When I started here the stress of the job and the ongoing dilemnas of how to handle multiple challenges brought everything about my own life back into shocking reality.
The reinforcement of what is right and what your heart is telling you about how to handle the situation is so very needed. It is easy to question yourself and your methods. Total Transformation teaches you how to say and do what needs to be done without losing it. It also helps one realize that if you do lose it there is a way to handle that also.
I took the program One cd at a time and it worked wonderful with our son. Prior to this program our son acted out in public. He wanted to be the center of attention. Our son was 5 years old when I did the program and I\'m greatful to have the program to re visit if needed and use on our Toddler.
This is a very beneficial program well worth the time invested in listening to the CDs and following the packet.
Thank you for creating this program to help parents out there that think its there falt the kids act out.
There is nothing to loose for someone thinking about getting the program but, everything to gain.
I was at my wits end with my daughters attitude and behaviour, the way she was treating everybody was ridiculous , we had to do something, but she was 18yrs old?
no-matter, after using the total transformation for only one week, everything changed, really don\'t want to sound corny but it did, I love the total transformation and would and have told everybody who would listen what it has done for our family, thank you so much to everybody over there who took the time to help make this dvd, o and by the way love that I could listen to it in the car going to work, over and over again, made it really user friendly..
The Complete Guide To Consequences DVD and book were very helpful in so many ways. It show's to to react to negative comments, how to remain calm, how to take a few minutes to think about the consequences and measures that need to be taken along with coaching the child into better behavior versus arguing over nonessentials and it is so great just to review as a reminder which I know I need and have already done.
Peggy
I was totally impressed with TT. I ordered in a moment when my family was dealing with divorce. I was having trouble with my youngest daughter not wanting to go to school or do house work and using her newborn as an excuse for not doing life.
After hearing the first 10 minutes of just the introduction I was sold completely. The knowledge I received helped me most of all. It empowered and confirmed things I knew and gave me new knowledge for things I didnt know. I am recommending this series to everyone...period. Thank God for Answers.
I learned soooooo much from this program. It\'s made a big difference to have a game plan (the techniques I learned) and know how to respond to my children when a situation comes along. It makes it so that I can be a better TEACHER to my kids.
This program seems to be geared more towards pre-teens and older; but I was still able to come away with so many great things to help me with my smaller children (5 & 7). It also gives me time to practice the techniques so that I can use them more naturally when my kids DO get older. It was definitely worth my time and money to have this. Get it, keep it, & review it so you don\'t slip back into old habits.
I purchased the Total Transformation Program in September of 2011.
Being a sinlge mom with two young boys, one with multiple disabilities ADHD, OCD, ODD, anxiety and learning disabilities our house was in turmoil and getting worse by the minute. This program taught me how to parent the children I have, to take control, and to set down household rules and thus regaining a more peaceful home.
As James states, with progress expect set-backs and everyday we have bumbs in the road. I do not have perfect children, but there has been huge improvements! Our doctors cannot believe the progress that has been made WITHOUT medication. Thank you, James and the Total Transformation Program!!!
What a big difference in my grandson. I purchased this for
my daughter. Her son is 7 yrs old. Some of this information is too old for him, but my daughter found this extremely helpful. He is doing so much better at home and has not been a disepline problem this school year.
I was frustrated and had given up on my relationship with my son. Total Transformation offered hope and gave me the tools I needed to work with my teenage son. The program is full of great information and examples of how to use the tools and skills they teach you. A workbook is included which helps to reinforce everything you have learned. I would recommend this program to anyone. It works.
Before the Total Transformation Program, my three children hit each other constantly. It was their instant response to each other. I also have a son that constantly talked back and was very oppositional and would argue constantly over anything and everything. Within three weeks of starting the program my children rarely, if ever, resorted to hitting anymore. They now know they are responsible for their actions and they know the consequences for their negative behavior. My argumentative son realizes now that just because he is tired or hungry or whatever his excuse happens to be, he has to control how he talks to myself or his father.
This program is very effective, but parents have to be willing to listen to the CDs and use the workbook and be willing to make a change in their parenting techniques. Our family is much more stable and happy due to the Total Transformation Program. Having followed the steps that are given in the CDs and workbook, this program has definitely worked for us.
My 6 yr old son was diagnosed as ADHD with compulsive and aggressive type tendencies. I have tried so many different books and types of parenting styles that didn\\\'t work. My son is on medication during the day while at school, but that doesn\\\'t help with his defiance and constant meltdowns at home. The Total Transformation helped me to learn that he has to be responsible for his own choices and behavior. That I can\\\'t keep using his diagnosis as an excuse for his bad behavior.
This program helped me be a better parent for my child, not the child I wished he was.
My son is a good kid, makes good grades, doesn\'t act out at school. However, at home he had a hard time dealing with us saying no to him and not being allowed to do what he wanted. Usually it was about homework or playtime. He never wanted to start homework and didn\'t want to stop the playtime. He is 9 years old.
So, when he didn\'t like what we had to say, we would get into a fighting match. I would try to justify my request and he would argue about things that weren\'t relevant to the discussion. I was always walking on egg shells trying to gauge his mood. It wasn\'t a healthy environment.
When I started using the program, I learned how to stay focused on the issue at hand and how to stay calm.
It was very simple, but if you don\'t know what to do, it seems so defeating. We have all relearned how to respond to each other. I was terrible about yelling. I knew it wasn\'t helping; but, I needed guidance on what to do instead. My son now reminds ME to calm down if I start to get too excited about a difference we are having. I recommend this to anyone who is having difficulty with a child who is a little or a lot rebellious. Also, I am continuing to listen to James Lehman\'s tapes because I sometimes fall back into old habbits.
I never used the Parental Support, but I rated it a 5 because the lady who I spoke with initially was so informative and helpful. She didn\'t just take my order, but discussed some of our issues with me. She was very nice and easy to talk to. I am assuming she was part of Parental Support.
I hope this review helps whom ever reads it.
I spent hours with the tapes and workbook because it was so to the point!
Face to face with difficult people I tended to give in . Because of the
caring and practical examples I was able
to see things in a different way. I was able to handle myself better and to
communicate better. I have recommended
the tapes and I have been telling people about the examples in them.
These tapes also were a help in almost
any confrontational situation I have encountered since I finished the course.
Thank you!
Mr. Lehman knows this topic inside and out. He has great insight into the misconceptions and life-view of troubled children and how to address these problems.
Some techniques work quickly. There is SO much to remember, that it will take time and reviewing the material a lot before the responses he teaches to use in specific situations will come automatically when dealing with a child.
This program takes work to implement, but the effort is worth it.
I purchased this program because of my grand-children.. Their parents are divorced and they are with us every other weekends some in the summer etc.... Because of this fact I wanted to be a friend and hated making rules or fussing at them because I felt there was enough turmoil in their lives... However things became so bad with home it began to carry over to their time with us. They came in with bad moods...sometime the older (7) one would go under her bed and even began wetting her pants...and the little one would cry if you looked at him harsh.... I had enough so I ordered the program and I told them Meme was going to try to make things better but we have to have rules and went so far as to ask what they thought some would be...
I can\\\\\\\'t begin to tell you what an eye-opener this was... If they got upset and went to the room pouting I learned to let them have that time... I didn\\\\\\\'t have to confront them and ask for an explination... It made me realize how I get when I am up-set about things how I always want a few minutes alone and they needed to be granted that same time..Just because we are adults we aren\\\\\\\'t always 100% correct or act perfect... So time outs weren\\\\\\\'t get in the corner or go to your room and don\\\\\\\'t come out until I say. They were/are allowed a \\\\\\\"me\\\\\\\" time or as a \\\\\\\"their own time... It is no longer about punisment it is a learning experience for all of us....we are re-learning the rules the same as they are...It takes time You will most likely read or study a lesson and come back 2 weeks later hear it and learn something you missed the first time. let me say this will change you not just a child... parenting/grandparenting You as a person in your everyday life with marriage, socially etc become the person you always knew you should be or thought you were. When we go to the store now we make a game and lovingly with humor I say what are the rules..They say \\\\\\\"Meme\\\\\\\" the rules are you can\\\\\\\'t explode we can\\\\\\\'t cry... No-one fusses and and they will let us back in the store\\\\\\\". It is working...we eat at the table not infront of the tv... I talk to them when we aren\\\\\\\'t up-set about something that made us up-set earlier. If they see the brother up-set they aren\\\\\\\'t to get into the line of fire. Rewards are given for no reason out of the Blue. They have a list of rewards they can pick from and when they mess up the reward comes off the list. If the list gets empty Oh well it\\\\\\\'s back to the drawing board.
There are so many great things in this program I have never even considered would work but I can\\\\\\\'t name them all. This has helped my marriage greatly without it having anything to do with the children.
The ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU>THIS NEEDS TO BE MANDATORY FOR ALL HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS.. EVERY PARENT SHOULD HAVE A COPY UPON THEIR FIRST OBGYN APPOINTMENT..EVERY SCHOOL LIBRARY..CHURCH AND COUNSELOR\\\\\\\'S OFFICE SHOULD HAVE A COPY OF THIS...I\\\\\\\'M NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY I AM VERY SERIOUS... ALL ADULTS CHILDREN OR NOT SHOULD HAVE THIS TO MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE BETTER BY UNDERSTANDING YOUR-SELF. JUST GET THE PROGRAM YOU WON\\\\\\\'T BE SORRY WORTH EVEY MINUTE YOU PUT INTO IT
The Total Transformation Program works. It is easy to follow and it gives you examples on what it is that you need to do. It is all about teaching the child to be held accountable for their actions. Children need to be thought that even though they have rights and may choose to do differently but they have to learn that their actions are of their own makings and they have to learn to be held accountable for their own decisions. Not the parents and not the system either.
In order for the program to work it has to be done consistently.
The way you the parent conduct yourself in different situations is being evaluated by your child/children. Do they the children feel safe? Do they feel confident that Mommy and Daddy are awesome and can handle anything that this old world can hurle at the family? Children become more aware earlier than they did when you were a child.
Any knowledge that you can aquire on child development is very helpful. Any knowledge that you can aquire as to how children think is extremely important. Does TV and all the techno divices play a role in all this? You bet it does. Johnny\'s parents gave him such and such I want that too! Maybe Johnny can handle the added responsibility can your child? A child is an important part of any family handle with LOVE and KNOWLEDGE and don\'t be afraid that it won\'t work. It does to what ever degree that you apply the knowledge of the total transformation to your
situation. Empower yourself with the knowledge about these children that have learned the wrong way (easy) to handle different situations that life throws at them and teach them how to live on this planet in harmony with others. James learned these things the hard way. But has devised a way for others to gain what he learned without having to learn it the hardest way of all. What worked for our parents and our parents parents does not work today. We live in a vastly diffrent world than they did and knowledge is the key. James Lehman has the knowledge and is willing to share. Grab it and learn from it.
This is a great program. The role plays are very helpful. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is that I wish there were more role plays and more exact phrases and sentences I could use. The one provided are very helpful.
It is helping me make consequence valuable instead of punishment. A HUGE difference and one worth learning if you plan on parenting correctly. This along with the Total Transformation Program is a good combo.
I really appreciate the quick results from the methods outlined in the program. I purchased the set and used it for our own family and then feel blessed to be able to offer it to my clients as a further aide to them in helping their children. I\'ve been able to see all of the kids take more responsibility for their own actions. It showed a lot of the parents they were catering to children way too much - to their own detriment. All of the parents have seen great results when the techniques are followed.
Thanks!
Karen S.
I thought the Consequence video/information was great. James points out that you cannot punish people into good behavior and I couldn't agree more. Working in a school for over 30 years, I "know" that punishment does not work and that effective consequences do work. What I enjoyed the most is that the information, in the video, made "common sense" His ideas are practical and easy to understand and implement.
Whenever I had given consequences to my daughter in the past, most often she would not follow through, especially when it was a grounding. The way the video talks about consequences makes it clear and task oriented rather than time oriented because in doing the task, or stopping themselves from doing something for a period of time, gives the child/teen practice to do things differently and so parents can become more effective.
Let me say thank you first, Thank You Very Much, for Total Transformation.
It works, Yes, it works. Let me share part of our journey with you.
When our daughter does not like something or does not get her way, she becomes mean or disrespect with her mother, especially.
First, the program helped me to look at myself first as a parent, and my parenting style. While I was doing some things effectively, (before the program I would have said \\\"...doing something right\\\" instead of being an effective parent), there were some things I was very ineffective in. An example: I would take every opportunity I get in a teaching moment, or to lecture truth to my daughter. While I still do some of that, I am doing a whole lot more listening first and then engage my daughter. I believe that she feels more valuable, heard and more cared for than before.
The difference that I see now is amazing. We work as a family to help pay for her tuition. At first our daughter fought us hand and foot. She was not going to help us. After listening and explaining, not teaching or trying to get her to see our point of view only, and getting her feedback, we notice a powerful change. When we went to work, my daughter got sick, so my wife asked me to help with our daughter\\\'s part of the work after my classes. I said yes. Before my classes was over, I got a text that the work was done. That surprised me. So I asked later how come they did not need my help anymore. My wife told me that even though our daughter was sick she still did her work, and without complaining at that. Here our daughter had a perfect reason not to work but she pushed through her sickness and did the work any way. I also asked her later why she did it. She said that she realize that we, the parents, are really trying hard for keep our family together, and that she is a part of the of the family, and that she wants to help.
It might seem simple or insignificant about being a effective parent instead of doing things right; or seeing things through the eyes of the young person,(people are a means to an end for them, using people to get what they want), was very educational and helpful in working and understanding our daughter.
We have also been having family meetings to address the things that matter to us. In our first two meetings we addressed some real problems. In the process of time we saw some huge changes. As a result, our third meeting was to thank our daughter and to affirm her. When I said to her that we needed to meet, again she immediately became tense and got worried. She asked her mother at least two times what the meeting was about. Her mother told her that if she had not done anything wrong that she did not need to worry. She still worried until we had the meeting. I began the meeting by thanking her for her good work, the changes we saw and how helpful she had been, and how important she is to our family. She said OKAY, WHAT ELSE!!! Oh we are done, we just wanted to thank you. Our daughter did not believe us. She was still trying to figure out if something negative or corrective was going to come. We had to convince her that we were done. After a while I think she believed us.
It works. You gave us new lens or a different ways of looking at things, and even some new ways of seeing things. We also felt that you understood us and supported by you.
I still say that \\\"IT WORKS\\\".
This program did help us immensly. There is less screaming and arguing going on in our house. now. She doesn\'t like it when I tell her not to talk to me like that, and I send her to her room.I have had more success with that alone. It is like she wakes up and realizes what she is doing, and wants to make amends.When she is truly sorry for her actions, we have a definite shift of attitude and when she is conning me, that too is obvious,and she winds up back in her room. We are not where we want to be or will be, but thank God, we are not where we were.
This program seemed to be more for me and how to handle our situations. I have made more changes than she has, but I needed those changes to happen to me first. I am still using the cards.Monor adjustments will make major changes, and I am still continuing to make the changes that need to be made.
I have recommended the program to 3 different families and will xontinue to give the phone 3 to other parents that I find are having the same un-healthy experiences with their children.
I would give the program a 5 out of 5. I have found it to be quite reletive to the issues I face as a perent. The overall law out of the program has help me in commuating better with my child. This program is a MUST HAVE for ALL family.
Keep up the great work.
I took advantage of the Total Transformation Program. First I listened to the CD\'s & did the workbook along with the survey by myself. Now we (my son & I) are doing it together.
He knew I was doing it & I would let him know things I had learned. Already I have seen a change in him. My son has ODD and ADHD. He is an emotional child and very uncontrollable. It got so bad that his 15 year old brother would get mad at him for disrespecting me and try to handle it on his own, cause I had given up. Slowly but surely you can tell he is changing. He tries to revert back to his old ways, but then realizes it won\'t work on me anymore.
This program is awesome. Plus, having the CD\'s & book, I can always go back to various sections when different things come up with my son.
Thank you for Total Transformation.
Our 16 yr old son is a habitual pot smoker who has been breaking all the house rules. I've tried to "fix" our son but I now realize that you can't force someone who has an addiction to stop. They need to experience the hard realities of their addiction before they will seak help.
This CD set helped us to understand this point and provided us great resolve. We now know that we can set bounderies and let go of trying to fix our son. He now has to take care of himself without our financial help.
We do have difficulties however because of our legal responsibilities. It is difficult to set ultimatums when we know that he needs to be home not on the streets. This point was not covered enough in my opinion. We could use some recommendations of how to set limits with a minor who refused to follow rules even when all of his privelages have been removed etc.
I am a Granny, who opened a childcare facility to spend quality time with my grandchildren and other children needing care and love...but with love comes respect. As a Granny some on the methods of being a Mom were forgotten :)
I found the Total Transformation reminding me of things I did in raising my own child. It also addressed issues that could arrise in the childcare setting, with useable instruction as to address the situations.
It does not come automatically yet. But, when I have a frustrating day, I still use the \"ONE MINUTE TRANSFORMATION\" CD to show me how I could have handles things better. Which in turn would have made a better day for us all :)
I HIGHLY RECCOMMEND THIS FOR ALL PARENTS or SOON TO BE PARENTS to get a head start on raising your children in a respectful manner resulting (I\'m sure in respectful toddlers, children, teens, young adults etc...) You get it right.
The FIRST instruction manual I know of for the job previouisly there was NO TRAINING For \"Parenting!!!\"
Because of the Total Transformation program I gained a whole new perspective in parenting as well as in other relationships. For the first time in my life, I saw how important it is to hold others accountable for their actions. I didn’t realize the excuses I made for their behavior or realize I was listening to excuses that were at the source of the difficulties I encountered. The simple explanations given in the total transformation program gave me the tools to recognize poor problem solving techniques that were leading to undesirable behaviors in all of us and especially in my children. I always thought I was focusing on helping my children to be responsible and for the most part they were. I heard of this program years ago and thought it was more for troubled teens or special need situations and I really didn’t have serious issues with my kids. However, given some time, and as my children grew and became more independent teens, they began to ignore their responsibilities at home and complain or even have outbursts of anger that left me disrespected and feeling like a huge failure as a parent in our home.
On my own, and even in counseling, I was not able to figure out why my parenting style left me disrespected and disregarded by my children. I was so confused because they were functioning in the world, at school or with jobs, but our home became a place to use and take advantage of their privileges rather than be grateful for all they had at home. I became more like the child and they began to tell me what to do and when they needed the car or why I had to bring them here or there rather than the other way around. They were responsible with school work and treating their friends or other adults well, but not their parents or even each other. They were increasingly becoming self centered as well as still dependent on us for things they didn’t want to take responsibility for. They began to disrespect our values and drink under age or even try drugs. I was deeply concerned and knew it was all going astray, yet the excuses continued as I heard that all teens do this and it is just a phase they will grow out of in time, etc, etc….Then I found my youngest child, a 13 year old, with alcohol; a few months later with pot. I realized something had to change. This was dangerous rebellion against our values and hope and dreams for her, and I was not willing to wait for the phase to pass; so many people are addicted to drugs or suffering with alcoholism and I didn’t want to wait until it was too late. My children were increasingly acting out with behavior that was becoming more and more unacceptable.
The total transformation information helped me find new ways of solving problems and constructive ways of helping my family succeed. It simplifies the behavior problems into bit size manageable actions that separate all the emotion and the behavior so we can teach our children about responsibility and accountability and where happiness really comes from.
I was a person who was constantly concerned about my family’s feelings, happiness, and self worth, and wondering why what I modeled wasn’t contagious to our children. While some of the kindness or serving others rubbed off to outsiders or strangers my kids encountered, we were finding that in our home, our children could be so disrespectful, more so to me than even my husband. I was always involved and building relationships with them, I couldn’t figure out why they didn’t listen. The tone and disregard for me in the home was increasingly disrespectful and they would disregard what I asked them to do at home. I truly lacked the ability to make consequences in an appropriate way and when I did create consequences the kids blamed me for punishing them rather than realizing they created the consequence.
The total transformation program helped me to not allow my children to twist the consequences into being my fault. I was no longer a hostage defending myself before my kids and why the consequences were necessary. Dr Lehmon gave me the decrement to see all the excuses and understand how kids use them and how to turn it around so they behave better and want to behave for the right reasons. I learned how to use reality to stop enabling my family members to be irresponsible or disrespectful and self indulgent. The total transformation gave me the understanding knowledge, as well as practical tools, and ideas to use with my family members. I am forever grateful and would highly recommend this to anyone. I also have been able to help others and some extended family members too. I’m not listening to excuses anymore and I can now help them realize they are just avoiding what they didn’t want to do with excuses that do not solve problems, which leads to denial and dysfunction… and bad behavior and broken relationships. I am now able to recognize faulty reasoning and offer real constructive solutions to problems in a way I never dreamed. I am no longer allowing excuses and people’s feelings or angry words to control me. I stop the negative projections and do not engage in angry arguments. I can be honest and discerning with authority and still be kind and in control because of all the insight I gained doing the total transformation program. The best advice I ever heard was when Mr. Lehmon said, “We do not feel our way to better behavior; we behave our way to better feelings”. I knew he was on to something and the more I listened the more I learned how to make that happen! Amazing! Thank you,Thank you, Thank You!
The program gives you tips to use right away to start to have some peace in your house. Once you get into the lessons your child\'s behavior does not seem so overwhelming to the whole family. It was a huge relief that his behavior was now his responsibility and we were not bad parents. There are still rough spots but his behavior is 90% better than where we were two months ago. Would highly recommend this program. It was like James had met our child personally right down to the things he said to us and the excuses he used. You are not alone!
The Total Transformation Program was very beneficial! We are following the program daily and have seen great improvements in our children\'ds behavior in a short period of time. We have been to therapists, specialists, doctors, and to a psychatrist. All were caring but none gave us the practical, hands on, complete support that this program did. My husband and I wre so thrilled and relieved that finally we had the tools needed to sucessfully deal with our young children one of which has ADHD, ODD and has other behavioural challenges. Now we are enjoying our children and the level of stress is reduced. Now when a problem arises we sit down and write a letter together about which behaviours were wrong and together we plan what each child will do next time in order to learn good problem solving skills. We would HIGHLY recommend this program to anyone who works with children of all ages or who is a parent.
To improve the videos, parents with 5 or 6 year old children need to be filmed acting out certain senarios rather than just teenagers. The videos are a powerful tool to help parents understand how effective vs. less effective parenting looks like.
This product was amazing. My child was very defiant before and now is more compliant. She has learned to control her agression and is more like a normal child.
I learned consistency and lots of helpful ways to deal with my child\\\\\\\'s negative behaviors.
News flash! Parents get power back.
We went from considering a residential placement to parental control over the home. Just a few short lessons gave us the power back. We have these tools in us, nothing fancy just using what we know but maybe have forgotten. Amazing, simple, easy tools we can access anytime within ourselves. I had the program less than 1 hour and had a problem so I called the parental help line. I was helped ASAP and it worked.
I was driving my grandsons to church one Sunday morning, and listening to the five year old throw a tantrum in his car seat. I had the radio on and an infomercial came on about the Total Transformation Program. The more I listened I realized I should call that number. So I reached for my phone and talked to the nicest most helpful woman. I placed my order and went on my way. A few days later when the program came I began to listen and was somewhat skeptical. After all I have raised 3 children and now have a five and three year old grandchildren living with me. I felt the program may really work for older children. But I encouraged all my family to become involved and we started implementing simple responses to temper tantrums and we saw immediate results! We learned so many helful techniques that I started to use them in my preschool summer program that I teach.
I can honestly say that I keep CD\'s in my car and listen to them to keep me calm and in control. The days of horrific tantrums are becoming less and less.
You can not go wrong ordering The Total Transformation! I have learned so much I wish I had known when my chldren were younger. But they are all in their twenties and I have used some suggestions on them to redirect attitudes I did not like and it worked. They don\'t even realize what was doing!!
If you have a child of any age and feel frustrated pick up the phone today!
I was having problems with my 3 year old son and I did not know what to do about it. I thought parenting was easy! I thought I had the skills already. The thing is my child would not behave and he would hit, kick, scream, and throw temper tantrums on a daily basis.
I knew something had to be done or else my son\'s behaviour would worsen. However, both my spouse and I had no clue what to do.
Thankfully, I listen to the biblical radio station 99.5 and all of a sudden I heard about a program called the Total Transformation Program created by James Lehman. I knew this was a signal from God saying that I should order the program.
Thank God I ordered it because it has been 4 months later and my son is a different child. He listens now when I tell him to do something. The kicking, screaming and hitting and throwing things has stopped about 95% at this point.
Our family dynamics have improved completely. My son, spouse and I are much happier now because we have learned the necessary skills to parent and interact with one another so that our day can flow smoothly now.
I recommend this program to parents who are having problems with their children no matter what age they are. It is one of the most effective programs I have ever come across and I know it will help you as well.
I am thankful that James Lehman created such an effective, results-oriented program.
talking to my child about the different choices he can choose to behave in class (with teachers) he is willing to change with his negative way to talk to them,and we experience how he improved when asking teachers politely with help.
now teachers are happy to see him how big he have improved.
This program should be a must for parents and grand parents. Although hard work is involved, practice makes perfect when it comes to behavior changes necessary for a better home life and a child better prepared for lifes challenges once they are left to their own devices, in adulthood.While working this program I found myself changing in healthy ways by taking advice as I worked on learning how to better my grandkids world. This program works if one works it. The support and changes that take place can be attributed to a well thoughtout impressive self help program one must commit to and when results are evident, one cannot help but feel proud of themselves aswell, as the children it has helped.Thanks to Total Transformation
Program for better preparing myself and my family on how to deal with difficult behaviors and give new life to a family in turmoil.
I am raising two teenage girls, and believe it or not, this program helped me get their attention. I found a way to slow down my nervousness and really get to the bottom of their pain.
To look into our lives was a delight because of the lessons learned in parenting. The most important was that times have changed with all of the technology available. I am a grandmother and I could not parent the way that I was raised. They have much more information available and too much sex everywhere.
But self-esteem has not changed, it has to be earned by each individual. You cannot give it to someone. Buying it is not an option. I had the girls learn the program with me.
Five stars, my vote is in.
I am a Grandmother of many grandchildren. My son built a home next door to us so I was seeing his children a great deal. they were struggling with their oldest child who was 12 at the time. He was sassy and mouthy at times and I did not like what habits he was incorperating in his behavior. I did not discuss this with his parents. I heard a advertisment on the radio and again and again and I ordered the program. Then I had to explain to them what I had done. I was not critizing them but they needed some extra help. The mother (my daughter in law) felt like I was critical but I explained to my son that children come with no directions and everyone needs help. And that maybe if I had been a better parent they would not be having problems. They examined the plan and felt that it could help. The more they read and did the better things got. It worked well. They are very glad that they did it and I am sure they will study it many times and become very proficient with it.
I have not pertisipated with the plan. I have only observed. The children are respectful and helpful and I enjoy all of them very much. The improvements are apparent
Thank you for your services, Judy Stewart
We found the program to be as advertised. We were at the edge of the cliff and our son was pushing hard. We learned how to back away, or rather, turn and walk away. We found that we did not have to attend all of his crises. Our son might never be easy to deal with, but now we have do have ways to do our job of parenting him.
We finished the review and they returned all that we paid except the $20 for shipping. What more could you ask for?
I have only just begun a journey in using the Total Transformation Program, but can tell you it works!
I realized that something was missing from my training as a Parent, and I felt like I was in a losing battle with the happiness of my family until I made the connection with the program. As a very dedicated wife and mother, it was horrifying to feel like my family was being torn by the behavior of my son and his butting heads with my husband (not his father), and I felt helpless as I tried everything I could think of to solve this problem - including counseling for my son/family. Even the counseling didn\'t work, because I did not have the tools I needed to change what wasn\'t working IN ME in order to parent my kids properly. And FINALLY, my new husband and I could try an approach that WE BOTH AGREED on in order to bring peace and happiness to our family. No more tug of wars for power. Now we find ourselves offering support to each other more often, and less trying to \"fix\" what the other parent was doing which only confused our son.
James Lehman has done our family a great service by providing these real tools to provide help right away. You don\'t have to wait weeks to get started - you begin right away with \"bite-sized\" steps you can learn. And the best part is you don\'t have to be perfect at it - just keep working the program and you\'ll replace what wasn\'t working for you with what actually does. These tools bring peace of mind, and peace and happiness in your home.
I have a 16 year old son and since I've purchased the program we have come to realize that the yelling from me doesn't amount to anything and now I can see I've wasted my energy on something that obviously didn't get through to my son. Now we have set boundaries and make sure that he knows that it is his responsibility to do his school work and chores then after he can go to his friends etc...and if he doesn't come back at a set time we work it out without the need for yelling. It truly made a great change for the whole family. The house is a happier place to be and I feel that we are getting our son back.
Thanks
I have read loads of the informaiton. I believe I am applying the techniques correctly. While I feel calmer, My 15 year old son is not responding well yet. I will keep moving forward with hope faith and love. Check back in a few months.
Steve
When I worked on a locked ward for disturbed adolescents right after college, I wish I had this program prior to that very challenging year. It would have given me the training I would have needed to handle so many of the problems we had to deal with.
Now as a primary care, internal medicine doctor, I have recommended this program to many parents who have problems with their kids--anywhere from normal backtalk, to substance abuse and more serious forms of rebellion.
This course is a very practical, \\\\\\\"how to\\\\\\\" program, giving the parent the tools, and even the words to use with their kids. This skips the \\\\\\\"theories\\\\\\\" and deals with reality.
This is the best investment you will ever make, and a \\\\\\\"tool kit\\\\\\\" you can pass on to your kids when they have their own children!
My son was going in the wrong direction. He did not show
Any respect for me or my husband. Within 5 days of using just the beginning of the transformation I saw results. I began to
Use their dialogue which helped me tremendously, I knew what to say now and how to say it!
I am also a foster parent of a 12 year old girl who has severe anger isssues. The Total Transformation was also very helpful
In dealing with her. The tape about consequences really
Taught me how to follow through on threats and what
To use as the consequence!!
This program should be a part of new parenting skills from the beginning. I am a Grandmother dealing with a 19 year old Grand Daughter with severe anger issues. This program has calmed our household down but we have a ways to go. My Grand Daughter has two small children 2 and 8 months. The two year old is responding very well and the 19 year old is doing well but she will take a little longer I\'m sure. The best thing for me is controling my own emotions and hurt from her words. I would like to thank everyone who does this because we are in it together and I know I will survive this. Again I have a long way to go but the progress is delightful.
Thank you Total Transformation.
BC
You know, everyone has their own opinion on the subject of acceptable behavior. I used the title \\\"From Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll\\\", but as I worked myself through The Total Transformation Program, I learned that my child was not the only instance of this kind of behavior. There must be more parents dealing with these problems than I realized. I felt so alone with my problem until I worked through the program. Once I started the program, I learned confidence how to teach my child management skills. I asked myself \\\"why can\\\'t this kind of program be offered as a group- learning setting to parents, teachers, and caretakers of children in the whole community?\\\". Even those adults who interact with any child having to deal with the confusion of growing up in today\\\'s society would greatly benefit from this program. It has been said that babies/children don\\\'t come with an instruction manual, but if every parent would have access to this program, that would be the closest comparision to having an instruction manual. I intend on sharing this program with my older children so they can learn from the program and \\\"nip in the bud\\\" warning signs before they become a problem with their children as they start their families.
I would (and have) recommend this program to any parent, even if they feel that their child does not have, or only has a slight behavioral problem. I was at a point of not knowing what else to do to change the environment in our household. I was ready to give up. Then, as a last effort, I ordered The Total Transformation Program. Now I can see light at the end of the tunnel. My children actually like the new environment and promote it\\\'s growth. I look forward to what new (good)habits and changes come into our home in the next few months, especially with a new school year. I know that, if by chance, there is some backsliding, I can go back to The Total Transformation Program to re-inforce my skills and confidence to guide my child back to the right decisions without stressing the situation.
The Total Transformation has helped my wife and I with understanding some of the reasons why our son has acted out and it has also given us ways of knowing how to deal with his actions.
Thank you for giving us the tools to take back control of being a parent.
This program is the parenting guide that kids are not born with, but should be!
The total transformation has opened my eyes to a different, and better, approach to meeting my son. I finally feel like I am not speaking to a wall. I am finally enjoying the tiem I spend with my son. It\'s doesn\'t seem very good to say but it is true. I\'m sure parents who live with and interact with an oppositional child completely understand what I am saying.
Try it for your family and learn how to make the best of, not only your child(ren), but everyone in your family!
This is an amazing program. Of all the resources that I have tried, this is the one that actually had results!
It enlightened me on why my son acts the way he does. It has also helped me to be a better parent for my son. My son is not 100% where I would like him to be, but he has definitely improved by 150%. We had been going down a very long road before I found the Total Transformation, so our trip back will be very long, and we are well on our way there.
The arguing is almost non-existent; the temper tantrums have quieted down; his grades have improved to all A\'s & B\'s; he is no longer cutting, and the attitude has improved. He is more receptive about doing as he is asked to do.
I have improved as a parent by taking control and maintaining my own control. Being able to understand his behavior has really helped me to respond to the behavior in a more effective way.
The only major problem that I am still experiencing with him is the drug abuse. I am trying different ways to address and handle this situation, but having a child with an addiction and the fact that he can walk out the door and find it anywhere makes it very difficult. I am taking it all one day at a time.
My advice to all parents is Do Not give up on your child even when it feels like there is no hope-there is always hope!
I was a mentor for a boy who was removed from school to the end of the 2011 school year for being a bully. I purchased the program to see if I could learn new ideas. Boy was I shocked when I listened to all the cd\'s and watched the dvd\'s. This was the best investment I\'ve made in years. I\'ve shared it with teachers and administrators and the school district plans to purchase materials to help teachers control difficult students. I also want to share this program with parents who can\'t afford to purchase the program.
I\'m working with our county Health and Human Services department to provide this program to all their case workers.
I believe there are other applications for this program and I intend to explore them.
By the way, I plan to work with the above student [12 years] this coming year and will add another student to mentor.
I\'m 79 on the school board, on numerous boards, substitute teacher,father, grandfather and great grandfather. We have 6 great children from 47 to 55, and 9 grandchildren.
The Total Transformation Program can help touch so many lives that I recommend it to everyone who have contact with students.
I received the Total Transformation packet in time to work with the child.
I worked with one student but it seemed as if they were ten. Boy do I miss my school counselor and principal. I have felt so awful, degenerated and overwhelmed. It has taken me a lot of time to return to myself.
Watching and listening to the CDs helped me finish the year but school is about to start and I am concerned that I will have another difficult year.
Nonetheless, I am sure that the CDs will continue to help me.
My husband & I both have our Masters\' degrees in counseling and worked for years with youth and families in group homes and therapeutic settings. We\'ve heard, learned & used many parenting programs, but we were so impressed with Total Transformation, we couldn\'t stop listening to it!
At the time we purchased the program, we had a 16 y.o. foster daughter ~ we loved her & wanted to adopt her, but she demonstrated significant obnoxious and abusive behavior. As we held her accountable, focused on behavior rather than emotion, gave her time-limited task-oriented consequences, she began to realize that we were not pushovers like her birth parents, former foster parents & group home workers...so she ran away. She was found a few hours later and returned to a group home. We wrote her a letter and informed her caseworkers that she needed to apologize & commit to working on her issues in order to come home with us. She has refused to even speak with us, but we are not giving in to her emotional black mail.
And now we are using the Total Transformation principle for our 3 sons...
and I passed the CD\'s on to my sister & brother-in-law who desperately need to have their parenting style \"totally transformed\"! I\'m looking forward to getting the CD\'s back though, to listen to them while I\'m driving!
The Total Transformation Program was very insightful and revelatory for me. As I proceeded through each lesson, I entered a more in depth and practical view of working through real problems, and gleaned tools that I never knew existed before. It has given me not only a way out of bad behavioral problems, but has equiped me with skills to solve behavioral challenges.
It was well worth the time and effort, and has resulted in a more peaceful home, and is having a positively impacting individual self worth in the home.
We were feeling pretty desperate with our 16 year old daughter. Bad decisions, wrong crowd, disrespectful, etc.
Our first reaction was WOW! while watching the intro DVD. Sad that \"misery loves company\", but we were so relieved to know we were not alone in our quest(and issues)! We have learned so many tips and tools and although we know we will want to listen again and often to the discs, we are stronger in the goals for our family and how to achieve them. Thank you for your tools and support! Sooo very much appreciated, keep up the great work!
As a middle school teacher, I ordered this program to use with my students. Every year there are just a handful of students who try to push every one of their teachers\' buttons. I found the program to reinforce what I\'ve always held to be true: Children must learn to be good citizens, they are not born knowing the expectations of their environment. It is refreshing that the Total Transformation Program uses old fashion ideals - ones that most of us were probably raised with.
The only reason I did not give a perfect score is that too much time was spent \"selling\" their product which I had already purchased.
I have a pre-schooler and 4th grader that I homeschool and was tired of \"nagging\" and \"pleading\" for basic chores and for requiring immediate obedience.
I felt The Total Transformation gave me the exact strategies and specific verbage to use so that I would not become emotional and frustrated.
I highly recommend the program!
When I ordered the Total Transformation Program, I was at the end of my rope with my son. I figured what could it hurt to try, we had tried everything else. I was skeptical that it would work and that we\'d indeed get our money back.
We followed the program exactly and it DOES work. James laid out a program that is extremely easy to follow, with the workbook, CD\'s and manual it makes the process simple. We chose to have our son listen to the program with us, then we\'d discuss what changes were ahead.
We did get all of our money back (minus $19.95 for shipping & handling) so this is NOT a scam.
I highly recommend this program to any parent(s) out there who have had it! It\'s a dream come true and it works so easily, you\'ll wonder why you didn\'t do this way before now. While we were going through the program, I mentioned to the school counselor and our therapist and they all highly recommend this program! So I knew I had made the right decision.
This program guides you from start to finish, to help you use parenting tools to get you on track with your child. Once your child has reached an age that using the tactics he/she needed to get what they wanted, it is very difficult to pick up the pieces and try to find where you went wrong, so you blame yourself, get frustrated, and even say and do things that you often regret. It takes everything you have just to make it through each day.
Total Transformation can change all of that by listening to the CD\'s in conjunction with the workbook, and sticking to the tools, tecnique\'s and advice that is taught and repeated throughout the program.
Even if you do not see a 360 or even a 180 turn around in your child, you will become so much more empowered knowing that it is your child\'s behavior that needs to change. I recommend this program 100% to any parent(s) out there that are even just beginning to see a negative pattern starting with a very young child. Learn now how to handle the situations that are presented to us on a daily basis, and will be a happy parent with a happy family in the years to come, rather than struggling through each and every day.
If you are struggling on any level, get the Total Transformation, and let it start working for you, you will not regret it.
Did not use the parent support line, but it\'s a great option for parents. Did not need customer service other than to say thank you for allowing me to participate in the program.
The Total Transformation Program is a great tool to use w/kids that are strong willed and don\'t seem to respond to generic parenting approaches. The information is enlightening to parents and gives very specific, concrete ideas that REALLY WORK! I was able to reflect on some of my own faulty thinking as a parent and look at my child\'s behavior differently. The program affected how I speak to my son and allowed both of us to find \"new ground\" to communicate at a different level than we had been using. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to participate in the program.
Outstanding program! Easy to use and applicable after listening to the first disc. Highly recommend for anyone struggling with children who are over-stepping their limits.
Joe M
I have tried many times in my area to find parental support, with no avail. I saw this program on an informercial and decided to order. I was able to work through the program and did recieve my refund. All I can say is that it gave me many new tools to become an effective parent and bring some sanity to my life and my families. Thank you, Total Transformation. Even the customer service was there to help when needed, with absolutely no wait time. I was very sceptical when, I ordered, but I\'m so very glad I did. I decided to take a \"gamble\" when I ordered. I felt that I had nothing really to lose and everything to gain, if the program helped. I must say I give this program 5 stars overall and they deliver everything they promise, just be sure to follow all guidelines.
I hope this helps any overwhelmed parents, because I was one.
I have been a parent for 19 years and most of what I do I learned from my parents and my wife. I have done some reading, but nothing specific to consequences. Proper consequences is more important for teenagers than for small kids.
I learned a great deal and will immediately implement that knowledge, skills and practical tips, including the pre-determined consequence list.
This program gives the distressed parent a way to make a change and difference in themselves and their child(ren). This product will make the difference in the approach and reception of both the parent and child. Also supplies great techniques to assist the parent in coping and dealing with the stresses of raising the difficult child.
the Parental Support line is full of some of the best support people that can walk and talk you through the stressful situation and help you reach the goal that you want to reach.
My children both have their own personalities and I found what worked for one didn\'t always work for the other and with the support line they helped me to adapt my approach and I got the results I was hoping for.
THANK YOU TOTAL TRANSFORMATION!!
This is not a whipped creme program...
It is very hard. But if you just keep on going and going it will start to work. Now that I am finished I am going give myself a break and start all over.
It really is not just a one time shot.
I am having little successes that make my heart warm.
Thanks
When I started the program I was excited but reserved. My son was experiencing so many of the issues described I was wondering if anything would help.
I started the first cd and saw a difference immediately. My behavior and attitude toward him has been helping to correct his. I hope others out there will read this and give it a try.
The most important thing that you need to do with this program is be consistent in following the program. I have also recently found others who have used the program successfully and they say the same thing.
It has made my life and my son\'s much better!
I saw the ad for the TTP while at the gym. We had been having issues at home with my 13 year old son for a while (2 or 3 years) and I had tried everything I could think of to improve the situation. Most of the problems were school related - not doing his homework and not paying attention in class. The offer of a full refund if the survey was completed within 90 days made it extra attractive, but I would have gone ahead and bought it regardless as I was really at the end of my rope.
First I want to say that I didn\\\'t have much faith in the offer of a 90 day refund but I went ahead and completed it just before the deadline. Within days my money was refunded in full - I have to say that this was icing on the cake.
I worked the programme exactly as instructed. It hasn\\\'t been easy. This is not a quick fix or something that happens without effort. As in anything with children, its lots of dedication and hard work. Having said that it is rewarding. Once you start implementing Dr. Lehman\\\'s \\\'lessons\\\' you start to see your child react differently. At first my son was angry. I knew I was on the right track when one day during homework time he angrily accused me of not being \\\'helpful\\\' anymore. Basically I had been helping him way too much for all the wrong reasons, didn\\\'t want to see him hurt/fail, embarrassment if he stayed back a grade, making excuses for him when he didn\\\'t get things done etc. etc. All the things that Dr. Lehman says we shouldn\\\'t do. This alone has made a big difference. I never allowed him to take responsibility. Even after several months of using these lessons he still struggles and rebels, but the yelling, fighting and negativity in our house has been reduced by about 80%.
Looking back at my experience with Dr. Lehman\\\'s programme I realise that a lot of it is working on yourself and how you deal with your child - its not about \\\'fixing\\\' the child. We go into child rearing without a manual and do things without realising the negative effect it is having - this programme points those things out to very clearly - making it impossible to not see where we are going wrong with out kids.
Buy the programme - it definitely works.
We were a single mother and a 14-year-old daughter knee-deep in therapists, social workers, the police, and the Courts. I kept seeing the ads for The Total Transformation, but I thought we were \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\"too far gone\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\" for any \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\"program\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\" to help and if all these agencies couldn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t help us, how could this Transformation program?
But one day, I finally reached the end of my rope, because everyone was giving me different advice. I felt so defeated, so frustrated, and so alone. I decided what harm could it do to order the program?
From the very first lesson, I knew I was onto something and it grew from there. Finally, I felt in control again. I felt James talked directly to me and gave common sense solutions to real problems. For the first time in a long time, I had the confidence to make my own decisions and stop letting others make them for me. The Total Transformation has changed my life as well as that of my daughter. It\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s amazing that as soon as I began acting like a mother again, she began seeing me as a mother and treating me with respect again.
The Total Transformation is excellent program. I am glad to have chance to learn from it. The power of knowledge is giving me the power of being parent.
I had applied the knowledge that I had learn from Total Transformation program. And it works! My daughter is nicer, she listens to me now, her grade is also changed from F to B in short time.Thank you so much for the wonderful program. June.
The Total Transformation is just that. I have seen an improvement in my son\'s behavior and life is becoming much better. I cant thank you enough for giving me the tools to get my son back.
I had reached a point with my 14 year old son where I was feeling hopeless and like I had failed him. I had always thought if your are respectful toward others and set a good example, the behavior would be mirrored. Your Total Transformation gave me a total transformation. You gave me tools, ideas, practical solutions and even more than that you gave me perspective. I went from tears to insight! The very problem solving skills that I need to impart on my son you gave to me. I was a \"good enough parent\" but now I think I am a better parent. Consistency and being not only true to your child but true to yourself makes the change. As you stated, your child doesn\'t need a another friend, he/she needs a parent! I work in a Children\'s ED, an environment where peoples\' lives are changed forever in just one heartbeat. I recognize now that my work experience was influencing my parenting at home and it really created confusion for my son and his response to the confusion was acting out. I realize now he needs the consistency...even when it is not what he likes....it is consistent and then he can adapt to the limits and he is learning to PROBLEM SOLVE. I can see that he is really being shaped and molded now...like clay being sculpted he is taking shape a new form; one he is proud of and I am too. I tell people about the Total Transformation at work, school, the ice rink. Whether you have an 8 year old or an 18 year old I think there is so much to gain from these discs. They are worth their weight in gold!
I learned by watching the videos that I need to check how I respond to my child. If I am calm the situation has a great chance of staying calm. If I don\'t yell our conversation has a great chance of our getting our points out in a healthy way. If I don\'t blame there well be less blame shifting.
I am the adult. I am to help my child understand how to live a healthy life. I am not responsible for how they respond but I need to set the best example of how to handle problems in life.
The consequence videos taught me the consequences of my response and how to get more of what I need out of my children.
Learning about Total Transformation was a Godsend. It helped our relationship in so many ways. I\'m a single mom with a son who doesn\'t have a good relationship with his dad. I am so drained by day\'s end that I couldn\'t figure out how to help my son or how to stop the yelling and bad behavior I received from him. At times I was doing the yelling too.
There is a major change in our lives now. He is much more respectful and I now have the tools to use in any situation.
We have been reformed! thank you!
Both as a teacher and a parent of kids with ADHD, I have often asked the question \"Why?\" do they do what they do. Their actions and responses are so foreign to me and what I would do in such situations. This series answered many of those questions and gave me a better perspective as well as ways to deal with their behavior.
The series is also very helpful in giving a clearer understanding of how to reward and provide consequences for behaviors and specific scripts to use as responses in a variety of situations.
My neighbor was having difficulty with her niece and so I asked if she would be willing to work with me on the program and we would submit her feedback.
She found the discs VERY helpful and in particular liked and used the Quick 10 often. She found that her life became easier as she was able to go through each disc and we would discuss and then answer the feedback questions together. She loved the program and continues to use what she learned.
As a therapist, I constantly lend the Quick 10 disc to clients and encourage them that if they liked what they heard, to order the whole set. I find this is helping me in my work with families, since James and I talk the same language when it comes to parenting.
I am a believer in Total Transformation. Thank you.
My 14 yr old beautiful daughter makes dangerous choices. She has been inpatient treatment on two occasions for behavioral problems. She struggles through each day. I have interviewed and met with dozens of counselors that all have different diagnoses. I finally ordered the Total Transformation Program and day by day it seems to get better. The major problem is her father is not \"on board\", nor has any intention of \"changing\". He puts her down and gives her the silent treatment. We have a 5 yr old that can do no wrong and she is his little princess. My 14 yr old has never been anything but tolerated by him. She habitually sneaks out at night and is clearly trying to be someone\'s precious girl. I am trying to help her see that she was born precious and that she has beautiful qualities, without the support of her father. As I practice what I learn here, I see it works for adults as well as children.
I am educated with a post graduate degree and have dealt with this for years and had plenty of vague, generalized advice from professionals. TTP has given me examples and actual words to use to create a better world for me and my daughter. Thank you!
FYI - I knew the program was working when my daughter hid it from me and it took 3 weeks to find it in her box springs. LOL
I ordered the Complete Guide to Consequences because frankly I am terrible at coming up with consequences for my children ages 12 and 15. This just made sense and the role plays really wrapped it up for me.
I was able to put myself in the place of the actors. Since completing (I keep it handy)the Guide to Consequences I have implemented a Family Contract which spells out what is expected and what the possible consequences are for each infraction of the rules.
By doing that I am not flying off and just throwing punishments out there. I know what I am going to say and how I am going to deliver the consequence. Now that I do it calmly and quietly--things go much smoother and calmer (99% of the time).
As I have not yet finished the entire program I will have to update later.
I have gained some insight as to why my child is acting out and have successfully (not in all instances), been able to prevent or lessen their extent...The program is well organized and will work if a parent is willing to take the time and committment to perservere
my grandson is having much trouble with his parents breakup. he has become so angry and unmanageable we did not know what to do. i saw ads for this program and thought what could we loose? after listening to the lessons there is a great improvement. we all have to learn to stick with the progran and i know there will be even more progress. i would tell everyone to try this. you will be amazed by the difference in just a short time. everything they say they will do to help they do. there were no gimicks and i am completely satisified. thank you for helping us deal with our problems.
a very happy grandmother
I\\\\\\\'m very thankful for the important information and the awareness of my lacking technique in education., I feel more confident knowing how, what and were to guide, encourage or limit my children\\\\\\\'s behavior.
Thank You.
Watching the role plays made a huge difference for me. It made it easier to see myself applying what I was learn ing, and helped me use what I\'d learned right away without having to practice a lot.
Thank you
Ohsana
I often hear from parents how they "can't". I seem to always be questioning that position saying "you can't or you won't".
This dvd continues to be a good tool as a professional working with parents, for parents to get a reality check on their parenting and holding them accountable, for some, for the first time. I say "you can and you will"
After listening to just one disc I knowe I had maked a right move in ordering this program.
My teen and I don\'t get along good ALL the time now but I have control now. I didn\'t relize I was a big part of the problem.....we don\'t argue now because I don\'t give in to the temptation. I say what I have to say, and walk away.
Until my husband and I started using consequences, we had a hard time getting our son to follow the rules. At first, he was resistant to the process and showed this by saying he didn\\\'t care what we took away, he wasn\\\'t going to comply. Usually within a day he would change his mind and do what we asked. Expect some acting out until your child gets used to you using consequences to address his/her misbehavior. If a consequence no longer works, pick something else. As kids get older, what matters to them changes and so should the consequences. The hard part for us as parents is to be consistent and mean what we say. Our son is very good at trying to talk us out of a consequence, but it doesn\\\'t work if you don\\\'t follow through.
We\\\'ve used consequences to address disrespectful behavior, swearing, not doing school work or chores, and agressive behavior.
It works if you work it. This is black and white. Ah ha moments at every turn! You change your approach and your child slowly. but surely will come into line! My son now asks me, respectfully for a ride here or there or if he can do something. When I say \\\"No\\\" it is No and that is it. No more disrespectful screaming matches! \\\"Scripting\\\" was a huge tool for me. Being a parent is a job, this program makes the job a hell of a lot easier!
Charlene
Maine
This program reminded my husband and I how to parent.
These teens have such a hard road, different than we ever could imagine. I listened to the discs in the car, waiting, car pooling etc. I grabbed any moment possible to learn, it was so reassuring to have the tools to help our daughter. She is drowning and we need the way to save her, this program was our answer. We tried counseling locally, good but not enough. We needed the daily steps, over and over again until we finally remembered how to parent. We have shared the learnings with our friends, we all are in need!!!
We have three boys, 18, 15 and 13 years old. Our 13 year old is the trouble maker at home. We were told that he is looking for his spot in the family, and in order to do this, he chose the route of being oppositional and defiant. He did not participate in family activities that he did not suggest, even if this meant not doing some of his favorite things. We were at the end of our wits!
After completing the Total Transformation Program, he is slowly starting to be part of the family again. He is less oppositional/defiant. Slowly but steadily, we are on the way of being a family of 5 again thanks to this program. It really works!
If you are having problems with your teenager, I highly recommend the Total Transforamtion program. My 15 year old son was getting into trouble, doing drugs, being disrespectful, cursing, etc. His behavior seemed to be spiraling out of control. I implemented the techniques in The Total Transformation program. At first, I didn\\\\\\\'t really see much improvement at home. However, outside of the home, he was making great progress. I got comments from his probation officer, his teachers and his counselor that \\\\\\\"whatever you are doing at home is really working with him so keep it up.\\\\\\\"
Today, only approximately 3 months later, his behavior at home has improved almost 100%. I am better able to deal with him and no longer take things as personally as I use to. We enjoying spending time together and can even joke with each other again.
One of the things that helped him and me the most was when I remember to acknowledge the positive things and small improvements on a continual basis. They, as we all are, are works in progress. This is their learning period and they will make mistakes but try to find the good in what they are doing and reward them for those things.
The small changes and activites I implemented from the Total Transformation program definitely have made a difference in my life and the life of my son.
THANK YOU!!
As a mother of a teenage child that above everything else had trgedy in his life , this program allowed me to help all of us. I still utilize the program and it has been weeks since we started. It helps you realize it\'s common and you are not alone. Very thank full for the program.
Cindy
I purchased this program for my daughter (single, working Mom) struggling w/her 6yr old daughter. The child is above average in intelligence, does excellant in school and does very well w/childcare as well with me. However, she has displayed incorragable behavior towards her mother. Please accept my opinion as unbiased as I can possibly make it that, although my daughter displays very good parenting skills and loves her daughter very much, it is my belief that the absent \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\"father\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\" ....used very loosly...will give the child ANYTHING to keep her from having a tantrum and he, himself,speaks ill of her mother to the child. I perused the material prior to giving it to my daughter and found it to be very professional, well planned out as well very insightful yet displaying the practice of very common sense. It has amazed me the transformation that began to take place within a very short time. Even though my daughter has not completed all of the material, and even though my grandaughter has made great strides accepting appropriate disclipine, she will continue to work through your teaching methods and weed out what is expected (tho not accepted) of a 6yr. old \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'normal unacceptable\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\" behavior vs. what is unacceptable at any age. That said, I would like to let all those who may consider this teaching material, that it truly is useful for ALL ages. However, the sooner one begins utilizing your common sense approach to appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior, the sooner one can experience more health and harmony in their family regardless of the parental structure. I would like to close with one last comment: I have observed that in order for a child to change, the parent needs to change their behavior first. As the old saying goes....\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'becoming a parent didn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t come with insturctions\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'. Bottom line, begin reviewing this program, BEFORE the child\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s behavior becomes too out of control/hand.... AND before they become of an age where the disciplinary actions are less abl to apply........for the child\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s sake as well as the parents and sibblings.
Many thanks.
We\'re amazed with the way the Total Transformation Program helped us change our son\'s attitudes toward us, including his verbal abuse.
We used to think that because our child has a physical challenge; our obligation was to save him from every situation he faced and to defend him at all costs. We were overly protective and that made him think that he was incapable of solving his problems. In fact, our ineffective parenting made him dependent on us parents for everything.
The Total Transformation Program gave us the skills and tools for effective parenting and enabled us to teach our son to become a problem-solving young adult. He no longer needs us to save him from situations or people. By becoming independent and solving his own problems, he has better self-esteem. More important is the attitude toward us that is so impressive. He has become respectful and does not use abusive language around us anymore. We also learned to stop shouting and being disrespectful to him as well. Our daughter, who is away at college, noticed the changes she found in him and us.
Thank you for such a great program that worked for us.
Our son was diagnosed as Severely Emotionally Disabeled, ODD, and ADHD.
We were willing to try anything. The junp start DVD gave us quick refereces to things we could implement immediately. \"No excuse for abuse\" and \"everything after \'but\' is just an excuse.\"
Although we felt that this CD setwas greared more toward parents of adolescents, we were able to take from it sevral helful things that we still implement at home.
In the time we were listening and using these discs, our son was moved from a general population classroom to a classroom which focuses on social skills and \"making better choices.\" In the time we\'ve been implementing the TTP, we also had our son in therapy, and with the help of his teachers, he had his ADHD label removed. Since finishing the program, he has been moved from a cubby to a table where he works with others.
We are a house of three boys and a loving mom and dad.
Our oldest has always been strong willed and stubborn. When he was 8, he was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and put on meds. As we struggled parenting him and getting him to school in the morning, we went through counseling, with some success but some things, like anger were getting worse. My husband and I often got extremely frustrated. We had to do something different. We saw the commercials for the Total Transformation and wondered if it could help our family. We started listening to the CD\\\'s and learning how to teach our child to cope with his issues without blaming others. It has given us simple and practical ways to deal with all kinds of different issues. Our family has been much happier.
The Total Transformation is a program that creates an awareness in a parent that identifies parenting styles that work and those that don\\\'t - without judging. Once you accept that you are using some ineffective parenting roles, this program EASILY offers you techniques to change the way you communicate with your child and how that relationship transforms is truly amazing! Your child will begin to feel more secure in his/her environment and therefore will be more open to learning techniques and problem solving skills to handle life at all stages. The child\\\'s behaviour, with practice, will transform from abusive or disrespectful, to willing and open to learning skills that will make him/her an accountable and responsible human being. And you will be amazed that the parent child relationship will become one of communication, laughter and light heartedness, rather than one characterized by confrontation, defensive and angry behaviours. Kids need to learn skills to be effective in their relationships and controlling their behaviours. This program is so good, I would seriously recommend it as a great \\\'pre-natal\\\' gift, as it helps identify the roles we\\\'ve adopted or our children have conditioned us to play. Now we can learn which parenting styles are more effective AND WHY, and avoid the problems caused by ineffective parenting! We are all capable, it does take some effort, only this program makes it so easy to choose the right style first and foremost! Best of all, our kids will flourish as a result - they will grow to be accountable, responsible humans we will be proud of!
If you don\\\'t try it, you won\\\'t get results - if you won\\\'t commit, you are as responsible for your child\\\'s mis-behaviour as he/she is. So follow through on the toughest but most rewarding job out there...parenting! This program really works! A huge thanks to James Lehman!
This program, I feel is something that will be timeless. I only wish that I had it about 10 years ago. I recommend it to other parents that I know that are challenged by their child. I learned how to look at things like a teenager does and it changed my thinking.
It is worth the time and money even if it only changes one little way you look at things as a parent.
Respectfully,
Judi Orr
Since this program, I\'ve put my guards
down and am less defensive and upset with my students/ child. It has helped me to meet them where there at.
Help me to communicate most effectively with them. They feel more supported and cooperative with me. It\'s a win/win situation for all.
Thanks Mr. LeHman and Team.
Educational Assistant
Honolulu, Hawaii
Sala
I have been a Special Ed. Teacher since 1989. During my training, the Behavior Modification professor told me that Behavior Management was one of my strong points. We were taught a myriad of techniques, and I can honestly say that The Total Transformation incorporated a good deal of them. This program is not for the squeamish. It is a change for not just the child, but also the way a parent views their role. Tough love can be involved, and a lot of time given to your child/ren. This program gives you quality material that works in many public schools.
Despite my training, and my \"strong points\" in behavior modification, I still learned new things, and quite honestly, was reminded of things that I forgot.
My son has been addicted to the computer for the last couple of years. Trying to get him to do things around the house was really becoming a test. It was always, in a minute, or he would just ignore me.
Now I set a computer and cell phone curfew of 9:30. I remind him once it\'s time to shut things down and if he does not shut things I deduct any time after 9:30 off the following night.And if he does not do chores the computer gets shut down for an hour.
I\'ve only been doing this for a week, but he seems to be getting it.Next week I\'ll stop reminding him of the time and still hold him accountable. If things go as well as they have this first week there will be no more daily computer problems.
My children are grown, but I\'m a social worker who worked in foster care for 10 years and never felt I had adequate tools to offer the foster parents for dealing with the kids\' issues and behaviors simultaneously. When I heard James Lehman\'s radio ads and his claims, I had to find out what he had put together.
How I wish I\'d had this training when I was doing foster care, when I was raising my own children, shoot, when I was being raised. I fully digested this program and took copious notes. I have since been calling my sons and daughters to tell them which of my parenting practices to cease using. I am using Lesson 3 to revamp my own problem-solving processes with myself. I feel confident now that I can offer people who need the program a firm recommendation that this program will not only help them, it will transform them as parents, totally change their children\'s memories about their childhood, will end their confusion, befuddlement and stress, will bring peace to their home, and will be worth every penny they pay for it times ten or more. Do yourself a favor. Try it.
This program is awesome. I believe that everyone who is a parent should watch this - it is so simple and practical that it will truly help make family life so much easier and enjoyable. We were able to implement Dr. Lehmans practical advice and it changed the climate of our home immediately.
Don't just order one for yourself, but get extra copies for your friends and family. I promise it will be one of the best gifts you ever gave them.
Thank you so much for helping our family love each other better.
This Program has helped me to train the child I have & not the child I wish I had! It also helped me not to feel guilty about thinking it\'s my fault that he is the way he is. In a way it is my fault because I felt sorry for him being deaf. I\'ve learned to redirect
his energy before he throws a tantrum. He\'s 16 yrs. old and will never be able to work or take care of himself unsupervised. Thank you James!
I expected the video to give a list of possible consequences that I would put in a "parental tool belt" to be used as needed.
That's not really what it was, but even though it was different from what I expected, it was so helpful. It so clearly explained consequences that I learned what I didn't even know I needed to learn.
Some of the actors were better than others, but it was so helpful to see it played out in real life situations.
I've seen that knowing how to plan a consequence really does diffuse my anger and keep me in control.
I highly recommend this video!
I am a single mom of a strong willed nearly 16 year old young man. I home school him because he has Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD.
Effective consequences are the only way to get through to him.
His father is not in his life, so there is no one but me for him to bang up against in his struggle to grow up to be a respectable, productive citizen.
I need all the help I can get, and I think God for Dr. James Lehman, and now, his wife and team.
This program is a great tool and reminder of how we need to stand firm with our children. We owe it to them to be the best, most prepared parent that we can be and to send them off with a realistic expectation of what is required of them in this world.
The CDs were great with practical real life advice as opposed to theories. It has helped me calm down and get a more mature position in dealing with my very challenging and very bright 12 year old. As a physician, I am always on the go so, I listen to the CD during my commute several times. I also listen with my son when he is with me. I now even advice my husband(who is yet to listen to the CDs) about handling certain situations with our children.
I called into the helpline with a specific problem and was very satisfied with the assistance I recieved.
I am a parent of 14 yo twin boys. When I received the materials I had a one of the twins in mind. As I was getting into the program, we experienced a death in the family which resulted in a change in the dominant twin. I was able to apply some of the steps in had reviewed at that point in handling the emotional impact occurring at the time.
When dealing with twins, I\\\'ve learned you need to adjust approaches in handling both members of the duo. The subordinate twin acts out as a result of the competitive nature in which twins exist. So including both individuals in the consequence makes our home run smoother.
Ok, I have to say that I love Total consequences. I have 5 children and a foster son. However I have allready raised 4 of them sucessfuly and only have two at home now. My 13 year old is great but being the baby he has not learned to take responsibility for his behaviors. So this program was great for him. He is learning to take responsibility for his actions and I have learned so much about myself as well.
Re: My 7 year old foster son.This is the reason I bought the program. He is Emotionaly distrubed, has childhood bypolar, reactive attachment disorder, and Now they think he is ADHD. I was feeling like I was going to have to give a 7 day notice to remove him from my care. I had a large meeting with all his support people. 2 Social workers, therapist, sych Dr, myself, and 2 other people. They said he would put him in a group home and all the success he has had would be gone. So I decided to work with this program. This program has saved him from going into a group home and helped me to develope a unique relationship with a very difficult child. I love him and can see his softer side. We still have alot of work to do together to keep his behaviors under control but I feel great that he didn\'t get lost in the system. The only reasin I gave it a 3 star for the overall raiting is because I need to know how to deal with younger ones with more examples of their behaviors. I do love the program just don\'t think it was designed well for younger behaviors. Well I hope this helps others like me. Terri
As a single mom of 3 young boys, I needed some help and advice on how to implement consequences that will work. After receiving and viewing the Complete Guide to Consequences I put what I had seen into action immediately.
Watching the role playing made me realize that allowing myself to yell or take things personally was not helping the matter at hand. Not to mention it woke me up to how silly I was acting and looking to my children.
Now that I respond in more of a business manner, not only am I under better control but it has given me better tips to solving problems between the kids versus just sending them to their room.
Since using this program our household has become a much more peaceful place! I am so thankful for the Complete Guide to Consequences.
I was raised in a very strict household with a lot of aggression and I knew I did not want that in my home raising my children however I ended up with children who never felt the consequences of their inaction. They were argumentative, disrespectful and dealing with them or trying to get them to comply with basic house rules or responsible for house chores became such a struggle and a headache that I would do all household chores and responsibilities myself while they would play their video games, listen to there music, wait to be served......Ugh! My oldest I ended up kicking out of the house at 20 years old without any change in our relationship. To this day we have speak on holidays and he is now 23. I could not have him in my home any longer. My daughter 10 years his junior was taking the same path when I saw the infomercial for Total Transformation and I knew I was the one that had to change and up until this point did not know how. I believe a lot of my challenges came from being a single more and never learning through my upbringing how to set and stick to appropriate household rules and expectations.....I was always doubting myself. I knew I had to make some changes in my behavior or risk the same long term relationship disfunction with my daughter. I purchased the program while she was visiting with her dad. While there after the initial week or two of honeymoon he would be calling daily dealing with the same issues I was having. I got the program and went through the whole thing twice before she arrived back home.
When I picked her up at the airport I told her as soon as we got home we are sitting down to go over the rules and expectations for her living in our home and that they would begin immediately........Wow! The first two weeks where tough on me as well as her...however I kept listening to the DVD\\\'s. Yes I made mistake, however I moved on quickly without emmotional guilt and I just told myself I would do be next time.....I am now approximately 60 days in and my life is totally changed......We are a work in progress however such is life. There is no more yelling and screaming just consequences as in life...She may not always like the rules however she gets to them. Thank you for showing me how to set limits and expectations constructively and ultimately saving our relationship.
My husband bought the Total Transformation for me to use with a 12 year old difficult student(Bi-polar, ADHD, ODD) that displayed tantrums e.g. name calling , biting, throwing objects, spitting, elopement.
Although I used the program for a short period of time (child moved to a different class) I was able to see how the program could make a difference in the way I approached the student in order for him to do school work.
We were nowhere near as bad as some of the cases that were given in the Program. Mother and 14 year old Son would get into disagreements about once or twice a week that would escalate into loud arguments, with neither party willing to back down or let things go. I was getting dragged into them and no matter what I said, I was always the bad guy to one or the other.
We didn\'t have problems with our Son regarding drugs, stealing, cutting school, beating up on friends, or physically fighting with his Mother. Just the arguments. But that was bad enough! We talked for several weeks before ordering the Total Transformation Program. Then we bit the bullet and admitted things were beyond our control and ordered the Program.
Starting with the first lesson, we learned how to defuse arguments and stop them from escalating to shouting matches! Wow! Then, with the rest of the lessons, we learned techniques to really improve our parenting. We called the hotline a few times and that proved to be invaluable.
It was a total transormation, all right, but what we didn\'t realize when we ordered the program was that it was really a TOTAL transformation program... of not only our Son and his behavior, but also of our methods of parenting and responding to our Son.
What a relief! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have tried many things over the past 7 years to help my son with his anger and disrespectful attitude and sour outlook on life. The Total Transformation Program is the ONLY thing that worked. I learned so much from this program and was finally able to reach out and help my son learn how to be more respectful and see the negative way he tends to view life. It wasn't an overly difficult program to do either. The program is set up in steps and you basically do them in order at your own speed. I was blown away at how effective the whole program worked. My son and I are finally getting along well and he is enjoying life and getting priveledges once again. He has been invited to many social gatherings. We no longer cringe at social engagements that he is included in. He and his older brother finally have fun together and get along well. I suggest and mention this program to all of my friends who are dealing with disrespectful children. I would recommend this program to all parents.
I thank you for developing and making this program available.
I was very impressed how the total Transformation seemed to know all the problems that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. I wanted to do the program not only for my own children and parenting but for others. I work with other parents that are struggling with these problems as well and I know that I can refer them to the Total Transformation to get the help for their family. I was impressed how the program focused on so many problems and situations.
This program will over time bring a lot of change to my family.
Thanks so much for all the skills I learned from this program.
I have not yet used the Support Line, nor called customer service. The program as a whole is on target, and very very helpful. The weekly e-mail up-dates are also very on-target. Thanks so much! I am a single mom with a 13 year old.
Jackie
I am a retired Christian Counselor and I purchased the Total Transformation because I still do not know the healthy way to raise children. I was transformed by the information in the introductory DVD and the set of 7 CD's. I loaned them to a young mother with 4 elementary aged children after I listened to them and I had to ask for her to return them, especially lesson 7 which spoke about trigger management.
All I ever heard as a counselor was Anger Management and I even referred some of my clients to it knowing it only taught them how be more manipulative and controlling not how to be more interdependent and peaceful. Trigger management works. My husband and I are in recovery for multiple addictions and in therapy for PTSD. Trigger management is the best thing I've ever heard and we are learning to identify our "triggers" and deescalate our volatility in areas of conflict. The Total Transformation is just that!!! Thanks! And I appreciate James Lehman's background! He's been there.
He knows what he is talking about!
My husband and I have four children (1 girl and 1 boy each from previous marriage) we are a blended family, now.
When we first married we had peace - then within a few months we felt that we lived in a battle zone - but only due to 1 boy, he is now nine, yet he was tearing our household apart. We had tried eveything, counseling, discipline, patience, thinking our love for each other could get us thru. We were at the brink of divorce, due to our 9 year old boy, lying, sassing back, not behaving, hitting the other children (all teenagers) and just general bad behavior. There was not one day that he didn't come home from school with a note from his teacher over something he did that day. It caused so much stress and tears and fights, we were ready to give up, we love each other and our family so much that we actually went ahead and bought the hose next door to put half of our family in thinking that when he grew up we could be together. Then I heard about the total transformation program on the radio, I thought "why not, we've tried everything else" Thank heavens!!!!! Now we have renters in the house next door, four wonderful children, and peace, the children all get along and love each other - it's not perfect but we are a happy family - family being the key word. Total transformation worked, his teacher tells what a joy he is to have in class, all the kids grades are back up and the fighting is GONE This is the best Christmas present we could have gotten for our whole family. We have the good tempered caring child back that we knew was ther and calm is now restored, best of all we have OUR family intact. Thanks to TOTAL TRANSFORMATION
I highly recommend this program and have referred many of my friends and even people I don't know well to it for it can help you as a parent SO MUCH!
We all have ways of parenting and some are why we get stuck in the struggles we have and if we as parents learn some new techniques we can transform our relationships with our children. This will help them change their behaviors that are not very desirable.
It is well worth your time and money!
My son has had "middle child syndrome" since he was little. He was defiant, obnoxious, abusive to his little sister, and just plain mean to everyone. He had a bad attitude at home and at school, not to mention very poor grades.
Since working on this program, he has started to respond to requests in a nicer manner. He does chores without arguing. He joins in with family outings. He does his homework without arguing and gets it turned in on time. His grades have risen and he is feeling proud of his accomplishments. He is getting along with his Teachers much better now also. He is nice to the family and even "hangs out" with his little Sis now. He even told me (She is pretty cool).
This program has made a miracle happen in our household. We have our wonderful Family that we dreamed of.
It takes a lot of hard work and time, but it is soo worth it!!
Total Transformation is a great way to finally start to put an end to the problems kids cause and the yelling parents do. It gives you strong motivation to work together and succeed.
I highly recommend it for parents who commute since it can be difficult to listen to the discs otherwise. I also recommend doing the workbook one disc at a time. I would listen to several discs at a time on long commutes and then blend several lessons together in the workbook rather than solidify one thought at a time.
My husband thought I was silly but over time began to get on the same page with me and started to stand up to our thiteen year old daughter who would be fresh and then demand rides, sneakers, etc. from him.
My 9 year old boy made huge strides in cooperating and finishing homework. All in all, I cannot say enough good about Dr. Lehman's teaching style and the common sense behind his principles. I would recommend the system to anyone with a difficult child no matter how young, to start literally training the parent before it's too late!
As school work increased with my children in the second quarter so did our confrontations over when/how to handle homework. Total Transformation helped my kids and I develope a routine where we all know when and how we can meet our responsilbilites without conflict.
Thank you Total Transformation.
My 6 year old son is stubborn, strong minded little boy. He has put my wife and myself to the test of being a parent. We try to be the best parent for our son that we can. We have gone on an emotional rollercoaster with him over the past two years. We have placed the blame on tv, daycare, kindergarden, first grade and food. But dose it matter on who and what we blame, NO.
We have been using the Total Transformation Program now for about four months. Again he has but us on the emotional rollercoaster. The first 60 days on the program was doing good, then his little mind figuered out what we were doing and on the emotional rollercoaster again. So we had to hit the play book and change our line up. Now the past 60 days we have seen improvement with him.
As a parent you have to be on top of your game and learn from your child and your self. If it wasn\'t for Total Transformation Program pulling the better parent out of us, we would still be pulling our hair out and questioning ourselfs.
Thanks Total Transformation for helping us be the better parents we have become. GOD BLESS US ALL.
To be honest, I thought the Total Transformation Program was going to give me a list of time-out-style consequences I can use in the classroom with my students, and I thought it would drive home the idea that children need to experience consequences for their misbehavior. Big deal, right?
I bought it anyway, because I was curious, and because I\'m cheap: I heard about the refund offer that comes with completing the survey.
Well, I was BLOWN AWAY by the program! Of course children need to experience appropriate consequences for their behavior, but the Total Transformation Program opened up for me a treasure trove full of WISDOM about what lies UNDERNEATH the bad behavior--what\'s going on inside the child, and what we as parents and teachers can do to actually HELP the child gain control of himself or herself.
In short, the program helps us parents and teachers stop RE-acting to our children and start PRO-actively enjoying the leadership and control that we\'re supposed to have at home and in the classroom. It\'s peace at home the way peace at home is supposed to be.
The techniques take commitment and time, so it\'s not an overnight deal, but they work. Each one makes sense, so it\'s exciting to listen. You\'ll start thinking, \"Hey, I can DO THAT one, right now!\"
I had to laugh a few times, because Dr. Lehman knew what\'s been going on in my home and in my classroom!
The strategies work on my children, needless to say, but even more importantly, they work on ME: I was the one lacking power and peace of mind. This program changes how I see myself in relation to my children in the classroom, and when I changed what I was doing, everything changed.
Thanks to all who made this program happen. It actually applies to ALL of the relationships in my life that were causing me stress!
Science Teacher in Virginia
My worries are less, my headaches diminished, my hopes restored and my son much improved in 2 months. I am so lucky to have heard your commercial when I did. It has been enlightening to say the least and also empowering. My relationship with my 7 year old has improved since I am no longer engaging in shouting matches. I admire James Lehman\'s easy learning and coaching applications and style and am finding it so beneficial in my family\'s day to day life.
We had been to 3 different Psychologists without any change for the positive. I was at wits end and then along came James Lehman and his wonderful program.
I am a true fan of The Total Transformation.
When I was at my wits end and was thinking where can I send this child who has no respect for anyone or any thing to help with the unrest in our family, I just knew we were the only ones in the world having these issues. From the moment I watched the first video I was comforted by the fact that we were not the only ones. We have seen major improvements in him and in our handling of all of our children.
Thank you.
There are lots of great ideas in the audio CD's. I'm starting to apply the concepts with my kids and they're helping.
I look forward to learning all the techniques and making my life with my kids better for all of us.
The transformation program has been a benefit to us as a family. Right down from the parents to the grandparents it enlighten us how to apply certain suggestions in a more positive manner.
I would certainly reccommend this program to anyone who is having difficulty in communicating to their child through positive methods.
Thank-You
After following all suggestions to the letter, including a written contract which my 18 year old grandson signed without protests, he decided to move out on his own after 3 weeks when he realized that all guidelines were steadfast. This, in my opinion, was not a failure. We were able to part with love and goodwill without rancor on either side, and continue to have a close relationship. Yes, he has lessons that life will teach him, but we feel good knowing that our part was in keeping with healthy parenting. No regrets. Without your program we may have given in and we could have lived in a state of frustration and worry.
Thank you for making a challenging situation easier for our family.
James has a great style of delivery of information for parents and educators. I am familiar with his techniques and effective parenting skills; his simplifying of this is wonderful. Was a great review for me, too.
I bought this program to help my son and daughter-in-law; the changes in a short amount of time have been very good. Challenges continue, but they are communicating more precisely and consistently with their 13 and 11 yr old sons. The kids are testing, but the parents are armed and more confident, calmer, consistent. What a difference!
I wrote down the 10 1-minute tips to share with other parents. These are super. A short list of these included in the workbook would be helpful.
I work with many Spanish speaking parents; might a version be available sometime in Spanish? Also, more DVD's are welcome. Many of my families are visual learners. I personally like the audio CD's for my car, but many families are more geared to a TV format. Sad but true. (My Spanish daughter-in-law turns on the tapes, but doesn't really "hear" them.)
I was sad to hear that James has passed away. His experience and reinterpretation of effective parenting skills is so helpful and well presented for use by untrained folks as well as for therapists like myself.
Thank you for these excellent tools and support. I didn't use the parent line nor did I need Customer Service. I am confident that these are also excellent.
I stumbled onto the infomercial at 5 am one morning. My husband was on a business trip and I couldn't fall back to sleep. When I turned on the TV, there was The Total Transformation Program Infomercial and I almost turned it right off because I wasn't going to be "suckered" into getting anything from one of the commercials. Something made me watch. After hearing parents testimonies I found myself hysterical because I was going through everything they were describing. My almost 16 year old daughter was wrecking havoc in our home for almost a year and a half and I was constantly feeling like I was without hope. There was constant arguing, disrespectfulness, uncaring, selfishness, not being nice, and so on. I really thought there wasn't any hope. After watching and crying throughout the infomercial, I reached for the phone. I thought, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. If what James and these other parents were telling me was the truth, then it would be the best $300 I could ever spend. I decided not to tell anyone in my family, except my mother, that I was doing this. I wanted to make sure my daughter didn't say something like "don't try that program on me". I wanted everyone to just think I had gotten these ideas on my own. Well I devoured each of the teachings in the program and began instituting lessons as I learned them and became comfortable. It was up and down in the beginning but all of a sudden, I started to have more good days than bad. Even my husband, who doesn't even know I got this program, noticed the changes. Here's what changed:
1) she stopped cursing-this was actually the very first change
2) if she begins to get a bit fresh to me, she can stop
3) it's been almost 5 months and I think we might have had 2 arguments. I called the help line and they told me that it's common to fall off the bandwagon but get back up and get back on track
4) I actually enjoy being with her now.
5) she's nicer to her sisters and even spends some time with them
6) she will play games with me and when my husband travels she will ask to watch a movie with me
7) she doesn't even argue with me as much
8) she talks to me about her friends and shares things with me that she hasn't done in almost a year and a half
9) she also spends time with my mom and my mom has noticed the drastic change in her. My mom lives with us so she knows what she was like
Every so often, we have a rough patch but we always work it out. It's a work in progress but I have my daughter back and I like being with her which I never thought I would. In fact, she has invited a bunch of her friends over for an impromptu party tomorrow. She hasn't done that in a year and a half.
Thank God for The Total Transformation Program!
Dear Parents,
We have younger children, and wished to intervene earlier rather than later in their periodic belligerance. This program has been exceptionally helpful in teaching concrete, respectful, behaviorally specific techniques for confronting and encouraging change of undesired interactions. Staff assist and guide you through specific issues on the Parental Support line. Family time is calmer and more enjoyable now, and the balance of power has shifted back to us as parents. We highly recommend this program!
The Total Trnasformation Program is so valuaable that I reccomend it to EVERYONE I meet complaining about their children's misbehavoir!
It is so good at helping parents/adults AND children discover there are ways of talking that 'communicate' intended messages clearly and unemotionally. You see, it is the 'emotional' message that ALL people hear FIRST.....then IF there is enough trust and history they will sometimes hear and understand the intended message! This program helps to deliver the intended messager FIRST and to limit the emotional message impact upon communications.
WHAT A GREAT WAY TO TALK WITH ANYONE!
Thanks,
Bart Wyman
My son had moved out of my house and into my parent's house because we could not get along. His behavior was so horrible that the only choices I felt I had were The Total Transformation or Military School.
I tried the total transformation, and did not see too much of a change at first. I kept listening to the cd's on my way to work and on my way home (sometimes more than twice) and kept applying the strategies when my son came to visit, which was 2 days a week.
My son noticed that I stopped yelling at him and was surprised that he could not push my buttons and get the same reaction that he used to.
I would make myself very clear and follow through even though, as a mom, I did not want to. I wanted to give in but instead stood my ground.
The changes happened slowly, but now we can communicate better and my son no longer runs the house.
After showing my son that his dad and I could parent him better, he was more than happy to come back home. It took 6 weeks of work but he is where he belongs.
I still use the cd's as a reminder and encouragement of the tasks and changes that need to be kept in place so that we don't end up where we were.
I have recommended this program to several people and will not stop telling people about it. It is a life saving change.
I purchased the program due to my step children. One has excessive lying problem, both are disrespectful, don't listen, have ADD and poor grades.
The program is GREAT! I feel the program has helped with changing my outlook and the way I handle them.
I purchased total transformation to make changes with my 17 year old son.
It has made a huge difference!!
We purchased The Total Transformation Program because we have a very strong-willed child and were at a loss as to how to handle this type of behaviour.
Thus far, we are very please with the program as it has helped us tremendously. It just makes sense!
I purchased the program because I have teenage twin boys and I could see some anger issues developing and some control problems. I liked most about the program is that it is really a learning tool for parents. It gives you the exact things to say that have an amazing affect. It really is reminding parents who has control. We sometimes forget that we control the house, not them. It also helps to understand the purpose of punishment which is not just to punish but to teach. Putting someone on one month punishment teaches nothing but resentment, the real issue is earning the privilege back and learning how to maintain it. I just found it fantastic. The only change I would recommend would be doing a mini version for review within 30 days -- it is alot of material and it does require a lot of work for the parents, but it is empowering.
Mama T
As a therapist with 34 years of professional experience working with children, teens, parents, and families, I need to tell you that the video \"Getting Through to Your Kid\" is the best piece of work and most effective video I have ever viewed, bar none, for \"Getting Through To Their Parents\" that I have ever seen in my professional career. That is not an exaggeration in any way. Thank you so much for producing this video and course, along with all your other resources.
Please...make and produce continuation videos in this same style, with many, many, more scenarios including a wide variety of other common parenting issues, demonstrating the same \"Alternative Response\" steps, and I will buy them all. Repetition of this process, applied to other typical conflicts, would be a fantastic extension of this body of work that the parents (me included) would gobble up, and I believe seeing the same process applied in all of them would help them to master these tools and skills.
Oh yeah, I also have to tell you that the actors you used are without a doubt the most talented I\'ve seen in any of the many parenting videos I\'ve seen or used in my practice, and the acting comes across with such authenticity that both the parents and kids who view them report that they appear so \"real life\" that they instantly find themselves identifying with them. They tell me that this gives them a sense of hope that they too just might be able to improve their relationships with their kids, and become more effective, as a result of these videos, and the tools that are so clearly demonstrated in them.
Thank You,
Steven B. Cherman, L.C.S.W.
We bought the program because we have a 10 year old daughter who was running our lives. The program helped us to put things in perspective. It was amazing to me how she responded when we did what we said we would. She began to trust us and not think we were simply issuing idle threats. Things are much better at home. No perfect, but it is still a work in progress.
I bought the program because I was keeping my grandson a lot whose parents are divorced. He was starting to school and stayed in trouble all the time. I just didnt know how to help him or his mother. I bought the program, listened to it and applied it and I saw it begin to work. I wasnt sure how to approach his mother with it so I waited. On one particularly bad day when she picked him up, I shared the program with her.
She gladly accepted it and assured me she was not insulted. Now my grandson
jumps off the bus and cant wait to tell me how well his day went. All HAPPY FACES!!
Excellent guidelines and very factual. I did have difficulty applying it in a constant manner because of the summer break and not being together with my teenage daughter all the time. But it takes time and I definitely am decided to go by the program. I did not find anything else even close that would make to change behaviour and I have a difficult daughter. Now I am away for three weeks and I am watching from distance if anything changed. Some thiongs did change right away, but the road ahead still has distance to go. Excellent program though.
I think the program is GREAT! It has helped my husband and me to understand our child better and to deal with his behavior problems in a way that we are not mad at each other. It is very difficult to get a man (not judging, just saying) to find the time to listen to all the discs! I have trapped him in the car on road trips and hooked up my iPhone to the stereo and we listened together.
I am the step-mom so I see the behavior problems and how our teen his manipulated his family for so long. I have tried to talk to my husband about our son for so long but he just thinks I am "too hard" on him (mainly because the teen has told his Dad that). Having someone else explain how these kids work and manipulate opened his eyes like I never could! It is wonderful to have the everyday examples and SHOW parents how manipulated they are and how destructive that is for the child and the whole family. Having a guide to go by to tell parent's what to do - I mean specifically what to do and what to say makes all the difference!
A lot of programs or counselors say, understand him, be consistent, don't get angry, love your child! Well DUH! But how exactly do you do that with a 13 year old yelling at you and blaming everyone else in the world for his problems?
Total Transformation has given us the words and actions to make our house a better home for our teen, us, and our other two kid. The other 2 younger boys used to have to be ignored because all our parenting energy was spent on one kid! The other two do what they were supposed to (most of the time), are respectful, and are not abusive to us yet they usually did not get the time and attention they needed because we were always dealing with the problem child and getting nowhere!
Our home is less stressful, our marriage is stronger, and we enjoy our kids more.
Thanks for your help!
The role play especially helped because they showed the normal response, which may have been an angry one, and how the consequences worked. Say your piece and let go, don't give in to the argument.
I bought the Complete Guide to Consequences when we were having difficulty agreeing on how to choose and implement consequences for our two children (both difficult, but in VERY different ways). It totally turned our problems around--we are now in agreement, we are MUCH more consistent with the kids (not perfect yet, but working on it) and the results are clear--we get better behavior and that trend to the good is continuing. This is true even though our kids are a bit younger than the kids in the video.
We highly recommend!
Three years ago, my husband and I were in the middle of a divorce, so it was already tough on the kids. Then, he passed away; causes related to drinking. I, in the meantime have made my own mistakes through the trauma. We went to grief counseling together, which then became all the felings about the "evil mother". I gladly say, I took on all the guilt and let the girls get away with whatever. Fast forward two years. I've got my wits about me, and had enough but didn't know what to do. I saw the program on tv one night and though "what the heck". It's a miracle. I'm only on Section 4, and I can't believe the difference in me and my girls reacting to me. It's been me, a yeller, and being inconsistent and allowing the verbal abuse. Now, not always, because I resort back to bad habits, I change - they change. We are a WIP, but what a miraculous differece. And way chaper than $160.00/hour! Thanks
Dawn Rech
I like the material very much. I like the pace. I would love to have others in the area who may want to create some type of support group or accountability group. Found that I started strong and then tapered off with the later CDs.
I was scared of my 16 year old son. The rudeness, disrespect, and abuse was intolerable. The program not only taught me tools to help me help my son, but also assured me that hope is not lost.
We have our good days, and then we have our days where we take a step or two back. The good days are beginning to pair-up with the not so good days. I'm certain there will be more good than bad in no time.
I've been working with youth and families for more than 35 years. I find "Total Transformation" a most thporough application of the complex principles of human behavior and family life dynamics. But as thorough as it might be, it is perfectly usable for any parent. I find it simply brilliant.
I have already recommended "Total Transformation" to several families and plan to include a strong recommendation for its purchase in our church's teaching series on family life, planned in August and September.
Every parent needs to own and listen to this course - not just those with "troubled kids." It's a must for reaching the highest of goals for every child.
As a pastor I am concerned with Biblical values being the faoundation for all teaching. I found all the principles and practices of "Total Transformation," including the necessary frank language, more than permissible in Biblical terms, but rather required. Not once have I been disappointed in the courses conclusions and applications.
Thank you for getting this thorough, quality, honest, practical, and affordable material to the public as you have. It is going to be appreciate for generations to come.
Pastor Phil Van Wart
Calvert Community Church
Huntingtown, MD
As professionals, who raise 8-10 children in a cottage home setting, programs like this are an essential to our success, when dealing with children who are either unable to live at home or have no home to live at. The children we serve are mostly ODD, ADD, ADHD or RAD. This program has made a huge difference in their life and ours. Thank You, from the bottom of our Hearts.
Mike & Mari Noles
The program was very informative. It hit every nerve with me. All the skits except one has definitely hit home. I am still trying to apply the techniques and it seems to be working. It is a slow pace but at least I have learned to stick to consequences rather than grounding. Thank you for your support.
Donna Patty
Hi
I listened to your program and thought it was great but I have an 8 year old and thought it was geared for older children. I contacted customer service to return and they told me to use the parental support line and keep it another month. They gave me more time to review it again and I called the support line. They were great. I am keeping the program and keeping the parental support line for awhile until I can feel comfortable with some responses.
Thanks again for the extra time.
Shari Kane
Both my husband and I have listened to the program and I have had more time to read the book that helps with the program and then we were able to discuss the practices suggested.
We have three adopted mixed race daughters in their teens and were needing some help with tempers and pressure from school friends to do things we were not so sure about. All the program suggestions were helpful and we felt the program was a bargain considering the price of all the counseling sessions these kids get. We were the ones that needed the counseling and support. Thanks.
I have been a parent educator for years and have a great deal of experience dealing with at risk youth. I loved the Total Transformation Program. It is a "total" program and I especially like the way the package is organized. I listen to the discs as I drive to work. I think I have the entire program memorized now and I am finding myself speaking transformation lanquage. Plus I love the videos and work book. Makes it very easy for me to pass the information to my clients.
And your staff has been wonderful.
Good, common sense approach to parenting.
I never used the parental support line, so I have nothing to base a rating on.
My husband and I bought the program to help us with our 17 year old son. We have a 10 year old, but they are night and day different. Our house had become a mine field with our teenager, we needed help! Everything this program promises is true, and more. Don't think it's too expensive or you don't have the extra money, your relationship with your child is priceless. This program is priceless, and EVERY parent should have this program just in case they end up experiencing a difficult child. Had we had the training and skills to parent our oldest son the way he needed to be parented years ago, life would have been so much better and we wouldn't have lost precious time ENJOYING being his mom and dad and ENJOYING him. We've been on the program for a couple of months now and our house is calm, we are in control, not him, he is being respectful, the difference is night and day. James has made it possible for us to have a relationship with BOTH our sons now, and to TRULY have peace and joy with our teenager as well as our 10 year old.
This has been an answer to many many many prayers. We recommend this to every parent we know. Try this program, really, if you are looking for help and came across the Total Transformation site, what have you got to lose? Really, you just have so very much to gain.
The program empowered me to be a PARENT..much better than i was. My son is growing up and I can already tell the puberty stage is going to be tough! i am happy to have the tools I need to use from the Total Transformation Program. I also shared newsletter topics with my sister that were specific to her issues with an 18 year old. She was able to calmly discuss the problem with her daughter, set limits, and stick to it. Her daughter accepted right away!
THANK YOU!!
The Total Transformation Program is one I would highly recommend to any parent, even if you aren't having serious problems with them.
My kids are great kids, and I'm always looking for new ideas and ways to motivate them. Total Transformation has helped me to fine-tune my parenting to be more appropriate for teens by sticking by my boundaries and not listening to them complain on and on about other authorities in their lives. I've also realized that THEY have more responsibility to stay motivated, and I need to back off on feeling so MUCH responsibility for them at these ages.
Total Transformation has also helped me realize that certain little annoying teen behaviors should be ignored rather than 'disciplined'.
I have listened to the tapes twice and will listen again this week to pick up more ideas. I still want to help my four teenagers (sixteen-year-old triplets plus one eighteen-year-old) be more respectful of each others differences in personality and relational style.
I have one going off to college this fall and the other three will be gone in two years. Thank you for providing this invaluable tool to help me feel confident I will finish the job well.
This started working for me the first day... I couldn't believe what using this verbiage did to my son... it actually stopped him in his tracks!
He had no response and it was beautiful.... after about a week, There was peace in my home. My husband didn't want to spend the money but now he is glad we did... I haven't even listened to ALL the c.d.s yet!
The one minute program really helped me alot and I listen to it over and over again in my car...
Thank you so much Mr. Leaman... you are a lifesaver, and I have recommended this to any friend that has these issues... I thank god every day that he showed me this program
I heard about Total Transformation on Public TV and it stayed on my mind so I searched the internet and decided to try it. After YEARS of techniques, therapy and advice to help my son with his frustrations and problem behavior, this was a step in the right direction. Mr. Lehman gives practical instructions for everyday problems. I've learned how to help my 12 year old and am just beginning to apply the program. I have great expectations as I apply more of the program. The parental support line is a perfect supplement when I need help and objectivity.
Thank you Mr. Lehman. Your straight-talk is on target!
I am on lesson 4. I like James\' approach very much. I am not interested in fluff.I have been raising kids for 27 years now, and I have seen a huge revolution of approaches. I think that it is harder now than ever to raise well adjusted kids. So much more is expected of parents, and that is not a bad thing, it is just that there is so little actual common sense advice available.
Parents are afraid to be parents because they are not even sure what it is society is asking of them most of the time. I grew up with the philosophy that the kid does what he is told or he gets his block knocked off. We were well behaved while under the thumb, but we made bad decisions when given a little freedom, and we had very few social competencies. When I started having kids, the self-esteem books were big. But at least they were teaching us how to talk to kids and each other. That is how to relate. The trouble with PET and those books, is that there was too much emphases on natural consequences, and too little power given to the parent to teach and implement structure. Some books came out like \"Raising kids God\'s Way\" which I found offensive that someone would make such a bold claim for a particular model of parenting, and put God\'s name on it, using scripture to endorse it. (I know that I may offend some people by saying this, but this is my review after all. I found not to my liking. I thought that method should be labeld \"The Self Centred Parent\" method. After that came the lost years, where young people seemed to fummble with what they were supposed to do. My olderst is 27, my youngest is 7. I have 8 kids. My last 3 are challenging. It is so much harder to raise these 3 than it was the first 6. The first 5 are doing well. They are attending university, college or have graduated. 3 are married, one more will be married soon. The last ten years has seen another revolution in parenting, and it isn\'t getting easier. My kids are strong willed, with strong personalities. I have one grandchild, and another grandchild on the way. I am happy to find this material to pass on to my children, so they have this knowledge from the beginning. We are using the material for my three kids, 16,9 and 7. Each one has their own unique approach to life which creates new challenges for my husband and me. It is always a high learning curve with every kid. I wish I had this material years ago.
Sorry this is so long. I hesitated to write anything, because where do I begin, and what could I say?
Thanks
the old woman who lived in a shoe
The Total Transformation system is not only a guide in how to deal with and correct problems with a difficult child. It is also provides advice and instruction in how to be a parent. In todays world where so much emphasis has been placed upon being a best friend to your child, it shines a light upon the more difficult challenge of being a parent. It brings to light the reality that parenting is about guiding, coaching, setting limits and goals. That tough decisions need to be made by both the parent and child. Its about real life and teaching skills needed to deal with it.
Well worth it.
Shared with spouse, useful insights
echoing other sentiments/recommendations we heard so that was helpful, reinforcing.
Perhaps a DVD version/viewing option would be more convenient for both parents to experience at the same time.
I love the no bargaining, straight shooting approach. Not grounding for a week, just 2 hrs. from a cell phone got the message across. He mentioned he thought it was a lame punishment but he did what I asked!
There has been a lot less yelling and more respectful behavior. I think it is wonderful and wish I had gotten it when he was 5! Thanks!
Had a couple problems with the CDs but Customer Service was wonderful and took care of the problem.
I think the Total Transformation is valuable and hepled me change how I saw and dealt with the situation with my 17 year old son, who was defiant, arguementive, namecalling, failing grades, etc... It gave me some confidence, without shame and guilt that I am the one doing something wrong. It gave me some back bone to see the reality and follow through with action, instead of hoping it would get better.
The difficulty I had is doing the lessons on my own and having enough time to sit down and listen, read, and answer questions on my own. It would be beneficial to me to meet in a group of other parents doing the same program and discuss it together, get feedback, encourage each other, etc..
After listening to the first CD I realized the problem started with me. It was about how I was raising my grandson more than about his actions. He was treating me the same way I treated him. I was being too protective and treating him like a child and not a teenager with responsibilities and now I understand why he resented me. Now I give him guidance, love, kindness and trust. I can't believe the change in our grandson even his grades have soared and no more skipping school. We actually have adult conversations and he has let me into his world. His
car used to be full of trash now he even keeps his car clean. He changed his eating habits no more junk food, only fruits and water for snacks. Total Transformation has made me a better grandmother which gave me a wonderful grandson! My son gave me this for a Christmas present and it has been the best I could ever receive.
the information in the total transformation cds are more informative than any doctor or counselor we've been to. it's not magic but a process in working with techniques for both myself and my daughter.the parent support line has been very helpful.thank you
theresa washer
Total Transformation helped us relate to our teenager in a more effective manner. It was obvoius to us that what we were doing wasn\\\'t working, but we weren\\\'t sure what we should be doing differently.
After litening to Total Transformation we spoke to our son differently and got the reaction we wanted. We are now learning how to parent this child differently than we have parented our other children.
Having seen and heard so many ridiculous advertisements and commercials, I ignored the Total Transformation commercials for many months. As our home life and happiness deteriorated I decided to take a chance. The program has been worth every penny and I wish I had purchased it long ago, before spending so much on counselors.
I now feel that parenting without the skills and techniques taught by the Total Transformation is comparable to entering a tri-athalon without learning how to swim. The early portions may go great, and you may even struggle through the "sink or swim" portion without severe consequences. However, in the end you will most likely be exhausted, fail to get admirable results, and may even look back at your decisions with a lot of regret.
I have four sons that will all see a lifetime of benefits from the information I gained through The Total Transformation.
I think that Total Transformation is the best program I have seen on the market. After a very hard year financially, we are just now beginning to dig through the material to help our 11 year old who was diagnosed by a neuro- psychologist with a handful of learning disorders, plus ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). The instructions are clear and simple, and the concepts are easy to grasp.
We have tried other programs on the market, which had they not been so complicated to instill, may have been productive. However, with a number of these programs, the parents would wind up spending hours administrating the program and every evening totaling up points as rewards (Child as Cog). That did not work for us at all...
Total Transformation is easy to learn, easy to implement, and the concepts are simple enough to teach even the shortest attention span...
The thing I like best is Mr. Lehman's emphasis on the fact that it doesn't really matter what the diagnosis--kids must learn to become productive, behaving adults, able to function in society. After 18, society is less than forgiving for personality disorders or ODD. So, the end game is the same for everyone--to create a productive citizen.
We look forward to digging into this program and seeing more results with our 11 year old boy!
Have completed lesson 1 and 6 (had to jump ahead to save my sanity; 13-year-old melt down avoider). I am not what you would call proficient using your program but felt I had a handle on it enough to ward off an otherwise huge disaster. It wasn\'t smooth by any stretch of the imagination but the other one of us was much happier after slogging through the process. She is a fighter (but I can out-do her)!
I have raised four of my own children and helped raise my younger siblings. They were pretty easy compared to my grand daughter. She is the biggest challenge I have ever taken on. Raising kids to be well adapted, accountable people is so vital to the fabric of our modern day society, and a tough, tough job.
There is a ton of common sense in this program that deals with the meat of the character-building problem. The methods used are honest and to the point. The ideas may or may not be new to some but once you identify how everyone involved is respected and held accountable this process can\'t help but work.
The Support Line staff is knowlegeable and intuitive. In this age of technology I really appreciated being able to talk to a breathing, thinking intelligent person!
The work book made me identify, and therefore have a better understanding of, just exactly what the problem was in our interactions. I realized this awareness was necessary before I could know what tools to use and when.
Everyone knows something of what is taught in this course but having it all laid out in an orderly fashion and having someone confirm what you already suspected gives you strength and conviction. Wow, did I need that!
So far, so good. Will keep you posted as to how the saga plays out.
I was hesitant to purchase this program because of the cost. However, after using the techniques Mr. Lehman suggested, my husband and I noticed a change in our son almost immediately.
What I loved most was the explanation that just because someone has strong feelings(such as anger), it doesn't give them the right to be disrespectful. Unacceptable behavior will be met with appropriate circumstances. This was most helpful because my husband and I disagreed on discipline and consequences.
When I called into the support line, I was really impressed with the person who helped me with a situation. I felt listened to and heard. The suggestion to deal with the problem was fair and appropriate.
I also had a good experience when calling in about the monthly fee for the support line. The gentleman was courteous, friendly, and professional.
This program was worth every penny we spent. We had exhausted ourselves trying to deal with the discipline problems we were experiencing. And the greatest thing about the program is that we can listen to the CDs over and over again so we stay on track with Mr. Lehman's methods.
We are definitely satisfied with the results from The Total Transformation Program.
I found lots of good ideas on the Total Trans. Program. I wish I would have had it years ago when my children were younger. I did have trouble with viewing one of the DVD's
b/c it didn't work well, but the CD's
have all been great. I would have also liked to have had some kind of protective sleeve for each CD to be
kept in rather than slipping them into the slit in the booklet.
Overall, I was happy I ordered your Program.
I really have enjoyed learning about our child - it\\\'s like you\\\'ve known her forever! I\\\'m not done going through the discs yet but so far so good!
I can tell you though that I\\\'ve not used the helpline or really had time to digest the newsletters. I probably will not continue with that part. But the rest is great and I\\\'ve already recommended it to my daugher\\\'s school as a teacher\\\'s \\\'aid\\\' to dealing with kids who constantly oppose authority!
The program and the information is outstanding. The insights are absolutely incredible. Where were you when my kids were going through the turbulent years?
This program has not turned my child around in a month, but we are on our way. I have the patience, confidence and determination to make this program work. I find it helpful to listen to the tapes to remind myself to stay in control. It's easy to slip back into the old ways of doing things and when I feel like I am slipping, I listen to the tapes and they "empower" me to tote the line and stay strong. My child is learning that she can't push me around anymore and doesn't put up as much of a "fight" as before. I recently grounded her for 2 weeks and I almost think she actually likes it! She has been pleasant to be around. A weekly dose of James Lehman has been a tremendous help!
My wife and I purchased the Total Transformation in December in order to help with our two teenage boys, age 19 and 14. Luckily we have an 18 year old daughter sandwiched in between them who is very easy going!
One of the most simple lessons we learned is that we are good parents and our sons are good kids. They just don't know how to solve problems and we need to help them learn those skills.
There has been less yelling on our parts and more cooperative behavior on the boys' parts. We are doing well so far and hope to continue to have success with this program.
My husband and I are seeing somewhat of a difference in our son. We still have some issues with him from time to time. However, he is responding to our authority better and doing better is school as well.
We have not gone through all of the material, however what we have listened to or watched has helped us to understand our son better. He is one of six children and it seemed whatever we tried before did not help until we were told about the Total Transformation program, and after praying about it, I talked to my husband and we gave it a try.
My husband especially liked the part in the program about rewarding our son instantaneously when he did do something we asked of him. We were seeing that our son was needing a little different approach to getting through to him, as it was and still can be a fight and a half to get him do do what we ask. However, after viewing the Total Tranformation video, we recognized that this might work with our son and it has.
We have been able to remove many of the restrictions that we had placed him under and take things on a weekly basis now, rather than long term. If he does his homework and listens to us, then he is off restriction for the following week. Only one week did he have to go back on restriction and boy did he work on his homework and quickly change his behavior so that he could enjoy himself like his brothers and sister.
As I said, we still have our moments. However, we are seeing that The Total Transformation Program was the answer to our prayers for our thirteen year old son, as he has been hard to deal with since before age 4, that we can remember.
Good stuff! Our kids are little ( 4 yrs the oldest ) so, it would have been nice to have thaat age group addressed more. However, it all still applies.
Well worth the cost!
The Total Transformation Program is the answer to positive parenting for all parents. It should be in the hospital discharge package when you you bring home your new bundle of joy.
It has taken us from impossible to hopeful. Mr. Lehman gives such basic advise and instruction to get our kids on track. But us alone as parents somehow fog over when we deal with our children on our own. Doing the complete opposite of what we need to be acting on. The material is presented and represented so that you must inforce the lessons in order to achieve results and the results are our reward as parents. This program gives me the encouragement I had sought out but never recieved from therapists. I look forward to the newsletters like my morning coffee!!
We are still working on using the great information. We are implementing strategies slowly and they are working. I was truly an over negotiator!
Our good days are much much better. Our bad days are still bad but further apart. Definite progress!
This program was given to me as a gift. I have found it extremely helpful and practice the techniques everyday. (Sometimes I even try it on my husband). Learning the type of parent I am and the type of child he is has also made it a little easier to find the right way to deal with him. We adopted him when he was two years old. His birth mother is my neice, so this makes things harder due to contact with her,(holidays and special occasions). He gets very upset and destroys things or starts being disrepsectful to me and abusive towards his neices. He was diagnosed with ADHD and put on ritalin. That caused a phycotic breakdown and he tried to commit suicide at age ten. They put him in an institution for 7 days, re-diagnosing him with fetal alcohol syndrome. My son is a bright person, with limited ability to think before he acts. He is easily over stimulated and cannot have stimulants such as chocolate or caffeine. We have to limit sugar as well. We have been fairly successful just with having a fairly strict household. We have more problems with lying and stealing than disrespectfulness. He also has trouble in school, teachers love him, but he does not do his work, or does a half job of it when he does it. We have used the program techniques to help with the lying, which is what is most important to me. He lies even when the truth would be more to his advantage. We have only been using the program for six weeks and I can see a difference in his behavior. He will bite his lip to refrain from back-talking in order not to lose his iPod for the next 24 hours. He will bring his homework home so he doesn't lose TV for the night,(doesn't always turn it in). He has brought his grades up from f's and d's to d's and c's, which is improvement anyway. If he loses control during sports, (we play in the street with his neices) he has to take a time out and apologize (saying what he did) before he can return to the games. If it happens and again, he cannot play the rest of the day.
I have learned so much about the type of parent I am and am learning to be a more effective parent. I have never felt I needed to be my childrens friend, but I didn't want them to feel our home was a hostile environment either. This program has helped me find a happy medium. I have felt a huge weight lift off of me,and now he is responsible and I just set up the consequences and rewards.
Very briefly:
First CD was a little boring except for James. THe dialogue between James and parents (actors?) didn't hold my interest, but James's comments sure did.
Doing program in conjuction with counseling, but we are seeing immediate results (within 3 weeks) of really applying the principles. Best one so far is setting reasonable limits. We never thought about the indifference developed by our son when the consequences period was "too long."
Have recommended the program to two other families - new ideas and great reminders.
I must've heard the commercial 100 times before I finally decided to order. Wow!!!! Why did I hesitate!!!
I have 5 children. They all listen to me now. We are a blended family of: he had two boys, I had two boys, and we had a little girl together. Even my five year old who was quite spoiled listens to me. There is no more power struggle in the grocery store. I recommend your program all the time. Unfortunately, there are too many people who doubt like I did. But I finally smartened up and called. Thank you so much.
Fabulous Content! Empowering Parents is priceless!
I'm an extraordinarily good Dad. But having said that, your program has enhanced my childrearing and family life skills such that our lives are substantially improved.
Your information and its presentation dramatically illustrate that becoming a congruent and supportive parent is a learned skill, and in many ways counterintuitive.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A parent sometimes needs to hear truths about the hows and whys of their dilemmas with their child. However, when heard from friends or family these truths are often presented in a way that is felt to be an attack on the character or intelligence of the parent. The result: the truths are not heard.
The Total Transformation CD\'s present the truths in a way that you can\'t help but understand. Instead of feeling attacked, the parent feels at peace with and comprehends past decisions. More importantly, the parent learns how to develop a new set of problem solving/coping skills that can be used with the child as well as other areas of life. The result: the child learns new problem solving/coping skills. The best part is, it all makes perfect sense.
To date, we have not completed the program. I am taking my time and reviewing the material as needed. We actually are in week 4.
However, I have seen a big change in my child at home. At school, his behavior still seems to be inconsistent. I feel like I take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Maybe this is why we haven't moved forward as fast as we should.
I would say this about the program. I think, so far, it is wonderful. As a parent I have learned that many of the techniques I was using weren't as effective and those suggested. I also learned that that didn't make me a bad parent too. I just needed a new way of addressing my child's behavior. All I was equipped with was my parents approach (on me).
I am still encouraged about the program and would love to take this review again as it comes to a close.
Thanks again ~ a thankful parent
We have two sons ages nine and five. The older child is ADHD/ODD and the younger son is diagnosed with PDD. I have had great results thus far with Owen, the older son.I feel very fortunate to have come in contact with the Total Transformation Program. We are surely still in the beginning stages but I feel we have a good jump on things as the boys are still pre teen and easier to work with as apposed to teenage children. Perhaps I can give you another update down the road.
Sincerely,
John Snyder/York PA.
The program is outstanding. The hardest part is to be consistent with the implementation.
We still need to get better with following through on the consequences but we have seen an improvement in our son and that is what we were looking for.
The tools are great and it certainly helps to have a full toolbox when working.
Behave your way to feeling better is best practical advice for all of us, backed up by specific steps that work
for parents and kids makes this a great resource.
I would prefer less on abusive kids and more on normal teenage problems of
accountability for school and other responsibilities and advice on prevention of risk taking behaviors especially drugs, alcohol, driving and sex.
Service is great except that when I called on issues not covered,for my daughter age 15 w ADD, I was advised to keep total transformations and buy total focus. Total focus is even less applicable to a teenage girl.
I did gain some insight and use some tips. You should produce a total transformations for ADD teens, include
a part specific to girls and social issues with same speaker and tough love approach as total transformations.
We gained custody of our 10 year old grandson in September. We immediately put your recommendations in to action and saw grand results in just a matter of days. Wish I had had this program when I was raising his mom and uncles.
Thank you a million times over for your dedication to once again making the family a place of refuge rather than discord.
My husband and I are still working through the program, but we are taking each disc and assignment very seriously...giving each lesson our full attention and time to implement in our home. We have a blended family, which adds to the challenges of raising 3 children. My husband is a Neurosurgeon and I am a Surgical nurse, so we both have a handle on the medical system, but lacked the skills necessary to manage 1 very difficult teen, and 2 just hitting the flood of hormones. We both think this program is absolutely brilliant! Every family should be required to complete this course upon finding out that they are pregnant! What a difference this would have made in my life and my childrens\' if I could have been implementing these teqniques since they were small...being more consistent and less emotional with discipline. The only reason we gave the Parental Support Line and Customer Service a score of 3 stars, was because we have not even used those services yet. The product packaging was wonderful, but, we frequently put the discs in our computer, and it would be nicer if they were video as well as audio. It is a little distracting to look at the swirling colors on the computer for an hour while the disc plays. Thank you for giving us the support we needed to feel confident with our parenting, recognize our weaknesses, and give us a plan for improving!
Carl and Andrea Sartorius
The program is working well. Most importantly my husband and I are getting on the same page and able to help each other when we drift from the program.
It would be most helpful if the cd's are in individual sleves as we take these with us to listen on the way to work, etc.
My wife and I were spending far too much time and stress every day trying to get my son to do his homework and behave appropriately. Total Transformation helped us break the cycle we were stuck in and gave us the problem solving perspective to correcting our child’s behavior. The tools and techniques work and we now have a less stressful and happier home. Nobody chooses to have a difficult child or children. When it happens we need to learn how to deal with it. We are also often unfairly judged by other family members. As parent with these challenges we need to work harder then parents who don’t have difficult kids. We also need the tools, techniques and the right perspective. This is what Total Transformation provides.
Sincerely,
Jim Wall
Because I can only listen to the CDs in the car (when I'm alone) - I'm only through the 5th CD. I've kept up in the workbook when I'm sitting in Dr's offices, etc. It's hard to remember the "right" thing to say/do in the heat of the moment, although there's a great deal of terrific information. Almost too much, as I'm never quite sure which thing I'm supposed to say or do at the time an outburst occurs!
Unfortunately, my husband doesn't have a CD in his truck, so he has not listened to them yet. That will change, I hope, as he just lost his job and I've told him that now would be a good time to start listening to the program as he's home alone during the day.
The total transformation has been the most revelational tool I have used ... ever. It is by far the best thing to happen to me and my family.
I really expected to be told how to fix my kids but instead I have been shown how to fix my actions as a parent to help my kids. I have seen the enemy and it is me ... but not for long. I now have tools that work and my family situation is changing. Total transformation has been awesome.
As I write this review, my bipolar, adhd daughter is having a mild melt down because 1) she is frustrated with a homework assignment 2) I won't just accept slop because that's all she is capable of doing.
I'm not mad and I'm not stuck in the trap of trying to fix her attitude. The task needs to be done and will be done. No wild emotions on my part, no guilt, no ineffectiveness, no savior, no martyr, no negotioator ... it's great!! I love the Total Transformation.
I found myself realizing the mistakes I've been making with my 3 children (ages 5, 3, and 1). My 5 year old was the reason for trying out the program and I've seen a difference in my disciplining and his behavior. However, that being said, I wish there was more to help me with his particular age. The program seems to be focused more towards teens. I would be interested in the next program dealing CONSEQUENCES, but I hear it is also geared toward older children. I need much more help in the "consequence" area!
Thank you for what you have provided!
I am on disk 4 so far.
It has been very helpful in theory and I am slowly learning how to apply it with my daughter (and husband.)
Thank you.
I have found the program practicle and very helpful, personally, and professionally.
Tina
I purchased the program for my daughter who lives in Paris, France. It was perfectly timed. As we watched the first programs together, a light of support and reconition was clearly apparent.... and a few tears. The ball is in their court now.
Hopefully my 13 year old grand-daughter, who has everyone pulling their out, will be Transformed and normalcy can return to the family
Thank YOU
I started listening to the CDs and thought to myself WOW. It has helped my husband and I recognize our mistakes and parent my 5 1/2 year old the way she needs to be parented. I just spoke with parent support as I had a specific issue that I needed help with and not only was customer service SUPER friendly but the gentleman I spoke to really went into the situation and gave me several ways to address the issue. My daughter's pcp also was very pleased to hear that we love this program as they have heard of it but no one to actually work with it.
I love it and would never send it back. I'm getting ready to listen through the program again. Thank you Mr Leahman for helping us find our bundle of joy again.
The tactics work! But, if parents get lazy upholding the program the same habits will repeat themselves.
Kids are smart. They see a little weakness in the system and they go for it. I myself have to stick with the system. It works, over the holidays I have gotten lazy. My child is negotiating and acting out again.
Time to get back on a time schedule and let him know what is acceptable. \'
Thanks! This is a great guide for parenting.
i am a biblical counselor. i was concerned that the program would not fit the biblical parameters, but overall i was able to apply Scripture to the majority of the topics. I have a 13 and 11 year old, and i have had trouble with controlling my anger and tone of voice. I discovered most of my frustration came from too much unnecessary discussion. Thank you for the tools that you share on correct thinking.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up a gainst the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought tomake it obedient to Christ. (2Corinthians 10:5) Do not conform any longer to the patterns of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2). Thank you for all your hard work and concern for families. God Bless, jerri dingledine
I ordered the program for my son and his wife. I, personally have not used the backup/support line. However I have been told that the couple of times they did use it they were satisfied and treated with respect. I think your advice is excellent. The concept is consistent and helpful. You are constantly reinforcing it so that it is understandable. I also ordered James Lehman's DVD on Consequences and personally have watched it. If one doesn't think they have time to do the entire program, this DVD in itself is worth the money.
The best part of the program is the improvement that I see in my grandchildren and the empowerment that their parents are feeling. They used to feel alone and helpless; they now have confidence in what they are doing.
When we purchased the programwe we were cautionally optimistic. After all we had reached out many times to people, organisations, "support", to no avail. Even though the program was geared towards children with ""abusive obnoxious and disrespectful behavior" which sounded very promising, I had a strong feeling that our son was much worse then the rest and this would not be of much help.
I was astounded when I found that I felt that James was talkin directly to us about our child. so many behaviors that we felt were so out of place were openly and honestly discussed here. I feel that the discs put into words what whe know and felt but could not grasp and use and use to our benefit. I felt very empowered by the new knowledge.
we are very grateful for the much needed education.
We have just started implementing the program with our two grandsons, 8 and 7 years old. The boys have lived with us for 4 years, and have experienced a great deal of turmoil in their short lives. This program has finally given us some tools to work with in training and disciplining the boys. Raising your grandchildren has its own set of built in problems; usually these children have been through some very emotional and confusing situations. What a blessing to be able to deal with these problems by teaching the kids \"problem solving skills,\" instead of waiting until all of their emotional problems are identified and dealt with to be able to address negative behaviors. By the time that all of the psychological issues are handled, the children often find themselves in such deep trouble that they can\'t find anyway out, and the grandparents are frustrated and broken hearted.
We have already seen positive results using the techniques of this program. We are able to remain calm and discuss \"problems and solutions,\" rather than arguing and being distracted from the issue at hand. Our grandsons are responding to the idea of addressing specific behaviors and how to deal more appropriately with their feelings. They are quickly picking up on the problem solving process. I am very thankful that we found this program before the boys reached their teen years. I believe that we can avoid the very serious, extreme situations that Mr. Lehman describes in the material.
The boys\' school experience has improved a great deal since we began this program. It has given them new tools and skills to deal with the situations they encounter with their peers.
I cannot say enough positive about the Total Transformation program.
As a mother of older teenagers, I have struggled with being consistent with making them accountable. Although I still need to work on this, the TTT progam has given me the words that I need to express myself, demand accountability and still be loving. The program has actually made me realize that my 17 yo son was disrespecting me often. (It also showed me this about husband, do you have a program for that? lol)
The parent support line is so very helpful. The kind woman at the other end of the wire listened to my whole story about my teenagers and was able to zero in on what actions I could take for which problems. She simplified these problems and actions for me.
Also as an educator of young children, I have learned through this program how to take the "accountability" I have used with 5 year olds to that of 17 & 19 year olds.
This program really opened my eyes to the ways I have been "tricked out" of holding my loved ones responsible. I hope and pray that it will continue to open my eyes and my heart, so that I can be a better mother to my children by setting them up for success in the real world.
I must admit, we were skeptical. but in the first few minutes we found things that helped.
Excellent, excellent program for those looking for effective tools that work.
I would recommend it to anyone looking to be a more effective parent.
I do not have young children but have been able to share information from the Total Transformation that has been helpful to a friend. She has difficulty setting boundaries and following through on rules and TTT has shown her the importance of doing so. She has seen a difference in her daughter\'s behavior when she is clear about rules vs. letting things slide.
One of the most impressive aspects of TTT is the notion that we raise our children based on what we think they should be, rather than what they are.
On the other hand, making excuses for problem children does not teach them how to solve their problems. This idea also made sense to my friend, whose daughter has suffered some abuse in the home of a former foster family. She feels sorry for her and is therefore afraid to be firm when, in fact, firmness makes her daughter feel more secure and loved than allowing her to act out!
A wonderful program - I myself am a substitute teacher and am more careful what I say to students, knowing they are watching to see if I follow through or not. Thank you!
I have never called to the parental support line, so I can't say anything about it.
I love the programm and I think James's technics are very smart and helpfull.
I have recomended to many of my friends and teachers to get this programm.
My husband was raised with violence, and I was raised in foster care. Together, we wanted our kids to be able to have a voice and a say in everything. Unfortunately, they grew into their teens with this sense of entitlement, and that adults were peers, instead of authority figures. Thanks to this amazing program, things are improving every day! We have learned many tools (calmness and adhering to the prescribed consequences being the two biggest ones for us) and they are working in helping us remember we are not ogres if we enforce a 1:00 a.m curfew on Saturday nights, instead of "everyone else's" 2:00 a.m.or later. Our teen daughters are learning self-control, boundaries, and accountability - and so are we as parents! Thank you so much for being a light at the end of the tunnel.
God bless you. :)
I can't say that I have followed the program to a T but I have listened to alot of the information and I am amazed at how well this program helps me to understand my son and why he does the things that he does.It has also helped me to look at myself and how my reactions model his behavior. It has given me a great insight into behaviors, my sons, mine and my husbands. I won't say that things are perfect but they ar certainly better!!! I am not done listening and learning, I think I will do that everyday, and become a better parent one step at a time. But Total Transformation has definately put me on the right path,for sure.
Thanks James!
Although we are only on Disc 4, we have benefitted in some ways. At this time, early in the program, we aren\'t always as effective as we\'d like to be, but keep trying. The Support Line is wonderful. I hope that I have another opportunity to write a review when we have had time to practice information from all of the CDs.
Thank you.
Sandi Wells
We thought our seven year old son was going through a very long phase of bad behavior. Somewhere along the line his thinking became distorted, he started not liking himself because he could not control his anger and frustration. He had no problems at school or at friends houses, it was just with his immediate family.
After a year of therapy both group and individual, I tried this program. It has helped greatly. He is still seeing a therapist for self esteem issues, but he is cooperative, polite, loving and sweet 97% of the time now.
Thank you
The program was very excellent and gave me a whole new perspective on how to gain control of my home. I am ever so indebted to Mr. Lehman and all of the staff.
Thanks so much for everything.
Susan Gerlach
Excellent program!
Parents need this today more than ever. Using this for adult children..I only wish I had it when they were younger.
With 4 kids in a short amount of time, we did not realize how many of our problems were of our making. This has really opened our eyes to the fact that we got busy and got trained by the kids to certain unhealthy behaviors. Our kids and problems are not as bad as some but yet we knew they were not what they should be either and felt powerless to make changes. James has given us the information but even more importantly the tools to step back into the parenting role with confidence and knowledge. Thank you so much for this program. Please keep on doing what you do so well !!
I keep the CDs in the car. I listen at least once a day. I bought my program almost a year and a half ago. It is a blessing.
My last daughter (of 4) is 14 yo. There is no greater blessing than tooling my parental skills. My entire family has benefitted from this amazing gift.
Thank you, James Lehman and all the staff @ Total Transformation!!!
How can I thank you for the knowledge you have shared with us? If we took our son to a counselor we would not have the foundation we needed ourselves to work with our son.We have a better understanding on what we need to do!
Thank you Mr. Lehman.
Like everything what you put in what you get out. It's a great product and has helped us gauge our effectiveness as parents. It's provided us with a couple of tools to help.
Thanks
So far the total transformation has helped me think about my response for a particular situation before responding. I respond in a calmer way than I previously did and am sticking to my guns when I make a decision on how to handle a situation. When my 12 year old son protests, I am nipping it in the bud and sticking to the issue at hand. I continue to repeat myself until he calms down and realized that we are going to do things a particular way and there will be consequences for his actions. He has lost privileges several times but complies with the requirements and seems to be getting better with his pre-teen attitudes. I have only listened to 2 CDs but am hopeful that things will continue to improve and I continue in the program.
This program has given my daughter some very useful tips and insight as to the unspoken messages and dialog going on between her and her children. I highly recommend.
Thanks to your program, which due to physical illness of my son, I have not yet completed...it is sort of on hold at the moment, I have seen remarkable differences in the way that my troubled child as well as my other two children behave. I actually enjoy them now...and I have only made it through lesson 3. I will complete the program in due time...but am very happy thus far. Just telling my son he was being abusive was the kick off to it all. Had I only known that I could make that much difference by just saying that...I would have done it a long time ago. I have recommended the program to many other parents. Thanks so much for sharing your expertise.
Tracy Grimes-Lane
This program is great - I only wish I had more hours in the day to devote to it. I am only on disc 3, but have already seen changes - more importantly I am gaining my confidence as a parent back. I also love the newsletter - there is so much relevant information there.
I haven\'t tried the parent support line because I just haven\'t known, really, what to use it for (i.e. what question to call with!)
I bought this program for my daughter and grandchildren. I watched the CD's before giving it to her and think it's a fabulous program. I see so many examples of when it would be useful for her. I am hoping that she uses it and remind her to use it, call the hotline, and just work the program. It would solve many of her problems with her children, but I can only do so much.
I have to tell you though, the statement made in one of the CD's about being a good enough parent relieved guilt that I had been carrying around for years...so, although the program was not directly for me, I want to thank you. I wish the program were required study for anyone who even thought about having children.
The concepts in this DVD are practical and effective. I've watched families for years and as a Family Life Educator have realized that yelling idle threats, shaming the child, and sighs of disgust, etc. do very little to improve the behavior of children. In fact, many of those things foster rebellion.
I have been mostly involved with families in the church setting. I have watched families, who want so badly for their children to grow up and share their faith, drive their children not only away from the church but also from God with their ways of parenting. This DVD is a great tool in helping parents use effective techniques to bring about beneicial behavior and to bring peace to their home life.
With a 15 and 16 year old, alot of these consequences and role playing ideas should have been started on the boys a lot earlier in our parenting.
They really are a good idea and very meaningful, but both of my children are too far down the road for pulling in the reigns and total chaos would result. The consequences are appropriate and meaningful, but I\'m afraid we\'ve gone too far with letting them get away with too much and they feel they are now in control and beyond having to do any chores, homework,or family responsibilities. Maintaining consistency as a couple is a difficulty and my husband and I are on completely different pages in the childraising department. This leads to frustrations for all. Thank you for your dedication and sound advice and if I could do it all over again, I definitely would. Thanks
Our 14 year old son had changed once puberty hit. We were so involved in the middle of the situation that we couldn't see how we were NOT parenting the child we had! Total Transformation made a difference in the first weekend. He has since begun to use phrases such as, "I solved my problem by..."
WOW!
We still have mountains to climb, but now we have the equipment to do so. Life around our home is a different place! Thanks so much!
All-encompassing.
Non-judgemental.
This program is just what I needed.
I have learned so much from this program. I feel like I have hope again and I am able to enjoy my family. Thank you a million times. When I hear other parents jokingly say that they wish there was a parenting manual, I immediately tell them about this system.
I would love to meet James Lehman if he is ever in Columbus Ohio.
I found it very helpful, especially if I could follow it all the time.
I did not sign up for the support line so can't comment.
I do enjoy the emails from Empowering Parents also.
After my wife and I acquired professional help for our grandchild that we are raising with no results whatsoever, I saw your commercial several times before I called and to see what Total Transformation was all about. I liked what I heard from the representative and ordered your product. I obeyed your instructions and listened to one tape a week. The results were in second grade of 2 to 3 infraction slips a week! And now that he is in third grade, he is only getting about 2 a MONTH. This has taken a lot of stress off his teachers and my wife and I. I must admit the adult that takes this course must do exactly as you instruct with no exception for the benefit of the child as I did. We are extremely satisfied with Total Trans.
Yes, the title is correct "Thank you Mr. Lehman".
R.V.
My nine-year-old son has been an uphill battle since day one. Not only does he have
ADHD, but I have since learned that my husband and I have been "ineffective parents". We are slowly reversing the effect that our parenting style has had on him and I no longer feel so guilty about his behavior. We have had him in therapy for years. The first 5 discs (we have not yet finished the program) have helped more than all of those years and dollars wasted on therapy.
First, I must say I find it very hard to find the time to listen to the disks together with my husband. We're only through disk 3. But I've found strategies I've heard very useful and I've learned quite a bit about my parenting. I actually am a child psychologist and I'm finding this approach really useful. I've discovered things about my parenting that I didn't understand or realize before. I look forward to going on with the whole program.
The parental support line has been enormously useful for help and just to check out after the fact if I did the right thing. I plan to continue paying the $30 a month for a while. I think it's a bargain. The only reason I didn't give them 5 stars was because occasionally, I've felt at the very beginning of a call as if I'm bothering the person or as if the person was tired or wasn't gung ho to be talking to another complaining parent. But as we've gotten into talking, the person perked up and really was very helpful!
I love the consequences. While I was parenting it seemed I could not come up with consequences fast enough. Now the child has left home and has to live the consequences from real life situations.
What I most appreciated is the distinction between grounding and putting in time and the consequences that lead to learning.
I just wished I could have done better or knew how to do better at the time.
Please cancel my subsripion. My husband is not be hind me on this and I am waisting my money and time.
This video was helpful in that it gave us some important insight into our child's point of view. As parents, we often react on an emotional level to the things our kids do or say and usually, we don't think beyond our words or actions to see if what we are doing is even working (which it probably isn't or we wouldn't have needed the video).
James Lehman gives straight forward advice that will really help you solve your problems, not make you feel all warm and fuzzy. It requires work on your part but, with the work, (and with the realization that your kids really do "tune you out" when you go into a half hour lecture), you will see progress. After watching this video, it was clear to me how commited James Lehman is to helping families find peace.
One thing I would have liked to have seen in the role playing would have been some less intense situations. I realize for many families, yelling, screaming and vulger disrespect are common occurances. But for some of us, that isn't the case and the less intense situations can be just as damaging to the family. It was a little hard to relate to some of the role playing, but I understand it's value.
The most important thing I learned was that an effective consequence changes the problem behavior.
The role playing gave me a few catch phrases to use that have been effective with my son.
Also, I learned to treat these aspects of parenting more like business deals than emotional/moral events.
I also learned how to clean up a situation that I didn't handle so well.
I'm also a special education teacher and will use these principals in my classroom.
Practical. Strategical. To the point. Efficient. I recommend it for anyone who cares about the children of our society.
Thank you for the complete guide to consequences, I have a 16yr old daughter who is very assertive and determined to have fun and ignore boundaries and your program gave me practical tools that I put to practice immediately. Your programs have been life changing and a blessing in my experience with my daughter, it has done a great deal in improving my relationship with her. Thank you sooo much.
Lots of love,
Sandra Rafael
I really liked it but for some reason all the role play was for older kids and mine are younger. I'm sure I can use some of the training but I'd like to see how situations with the younger kids are handled.
Overall, I LOVE your program!!! Please continue your wonderful work.
I'm the director of The Ranch of Hope in Texas. I exclusively use the Total Transformation Program (I have it memorized) in Behavior Therapy for the prison inmates (male & female) 90 District Juvenile Probation Dept. court ordered parents education and all Family and Marriage therapy. When the The Complete Guide to Consequences came out difinetly became the most popular material I have. I will be speaking in Seminars across North Texas on this new program. I will hold parent education classes at the local college to prepare parents for the new school year. I'm talking with the all schools (public & private) to teach this material at in service training to all teachers. I do a lot of reasearch on material for families. I can find nothing that compares with these programs. Our passion is to not only bring hope to families but give them pracital,effective tools that work today. Thank You Charlie Bazan
Executive Director Ranch of Hope Texas
The role plays were very helpful and very true to life. Hopefully more training videos will be produced to help parents with ODD kids.
(One quick question, was there a workbook that went with the CD? If so, I did not receive one.)
Finally a program that is clear concise and most importantly lets parents know it is their job to do.
I had some of the pieces from other self help books and family life coaching sessions but your program tied it all together for us. I found this works at any level and not gave it a chance even though my child wasn't physical, using drugs or stealing. Often very intelligent kids become disruptive, rude and non compliant because their parents don't realize their responsibility to show them how to deal with criticism by teachers and classmates and the boredom that they experience in school.
I think this should be required learning of every parent of a teenager today!
PS - Did not use the support line or customer svc - thus no rating.
We are steadily seeing improvement with our son. He has come to realize that we mean what we say...and will follow through at all costs. What a difference this makes in a child's life.
I have referred the Total Transformation to two other individuals.
Although we have completed the audio CD's, we are still learning how to use the total transfomration program. The few techniques we have tried WORKED! Thank you.
The Parental Support Line was hepful We did find that several times we wanted to call, but service was not availabe due to time frame. One time the counselor answered even though we were calling at the last minute, and she talked with us past 9:00pm. I appreciated this.
This program has helped us as parents more than anyone else.
Our 9 year old son has scored very high in ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Ausberger's syndrome, so he can be a handful and that was on a good day.
With the Total Transformation Program we noticed a difference within the first few days. It's been a couple of months now and the yelling, screaming, name calling and throwing has almost stopped completely. "There's no excuse for abuse."
As parents, the Program taught us how our son thinks and how to set goals and expectations so our son could solve problems without the frustration(his and ours).
I would highly recommend this program to any one having behavorial problems with their children. It has restored peace within our home.
Because we are so 'late' getting this program (our son with problems is 14) we are still having quite a bit of issues however, we are seeing some changes. I wish we would have gotten this when he was 3. We have learned alot and are using the methods daily.
Dear Mr. Lehman,
I want to thank you so much for helping liberate our entire family. We are an extended family living together, and using what we learned from your Total Transformation Program we went from fighting and arguing and feeling out of control to being in control, feeling peaceful and accepting and accountable. We can't thank you enough...and we tell others about our transformation and your program!
As a mother of 4, with a large gap between siblings; I let a lot of my basic parenting knowledge be usurped to exhaustion and teenage persuasion. Your techniques have put me back on track. However,it is very hard to keep ones child on course to a positive life's experience. This I feel is due to societies pull, with all of it's immoralities it contains.
Also, with 2 teenage daughter's,close in age, I find it hard to get the truth out; if ever.
It is a never ending battle of gaining trust and finding the truth.
When I ordered the package we thought that we had an usual situation with our son. We were totally perplexed how our once loving and studious son turned into a lackluster, unmotivated and extremely disrespectful human being. The impact on our entire family was negative and disruptive.
A colleague of mine heard your ad on the radio and forwarded the link. I ordered the program and started listening right away. Although the instructions say to listen to one a week, I wanted to absorb as much as I could to see more immediate results. Things were BAD!! I listened to the Jump start, disc one and then the 10 quick tips (which was the best). I made some notes on a post- it and I keep one on my desk at work and another in my car. I immediately started using the techniques and started seeing results..by the time I got to disc three, I labelled myself as a negotiator (I always called myself the peacemaker)and immediatley started working on my behavior. I have found the choice of words, the "disengaging" from arguments, and making rules hard and fast have changed things dramatically. I will not say we have perfection but who decides what perfection is anyway? Our son's grades are improving, he is following rules without repetitive demands and our home is less chaotic and much happier. My next step is to have my husband listen to the CD's so he can have an understanding of my reasoning, my son's reaction and find the "peace" for himself as well.
It takes time to ingest everything at a week at a time pace, but the 10 things in One Minute CD should be listened to FIRST to ramp up the learning curve.
My teenager still has a way to go, but big change!
I believe the Total Transformation Program is very workable. I just wish I could get my husband to use it! He actually listened to the first 2 or 3 CDs with me, but never put anything into practice.
I will just have to complete the CDs myself and do the best I can on my own.
I think the most valuable part of the transformation is the one that the parent goes through.
This program has really helped us work with our son and see ourselves and him in a different way
I am just getting started with the program. So far it has been very beneficial with my son. I am finally feeling that there is hope for our family. Thank you for what you have done by making this program available. I have been recommending it to all my friends.
SEEMS TO BE VERY INFORMATIVE
HOWEVER I HAVE NOT LISTENED TO ALL
OF CONTENTS.
we have atotally different boy (14 years); living here now. He responds well to limit setting and even seems to feel better with it. Since making him responsible for his own actions his schoolwork has improved; going from failing to getting passing grades in all subjects. He is our grandson, and being responsible for a teenager at our age is not easy, but this program has made it less of a battle. Indeed, we have NOT had a screaming match since August of 2007.
Thank you
The screaming has stopped, and our discussions seem to be more effective. We have 2 good days and then her desire for "fun" is strogner than her desire to avoid consequences. She has learned that she can do anything while we are sleeping, including sneaking into our room and stealing a cell phone to contact friends and then sneak out at night. We don't know how often this has occured because we are sleeping.
Total Transformation has helped us stay calm through this, but we are not sure we are really changing her behavior.
I'm still working the program and I like it very much. It makes great sense to me.
I have not needed the parental support as I have no children at home. I will be using the information in a self help program I'm in.
I have not needed Customer Service.
Thanks for a great program.
I believe It is a bit expensive.
I liked what I saw and heard, although I have not gotten through the entire series.
It will be good to have as a resource if I need to follow through on an issue.
My wife and I are both physicians. We've got an incredibly difficult child to manage and found the program of cognitive behavior therapy compelling. The program is well packaged and presented, and is clearly the only kind of therapy that makes any sense of stands any chance of success.
The problem is that it's incredibly difficult to make it work when the child is incredibly recalcitrant -- no matter how good a parent and manager you are, or think you are. I don't think we did a good job of making it work and wound up sending our child to a military academy. It's actually an well-regarded college prep school, not one of the abusvie "boot camp" things we've heard so much about. Surprisingly enough, our daughter went of her own free will, which is a requirement for admission, although she said her motivation was primarily her enthusiasm for being "anywhere but here" with us.
So the program is great, but we're still struggling to make it work in our family.
Our home had been a virtual battle zone for years. Although our twelve year old son also required other therapy,(neurofeedback)it was the addition of The Total Transformation Program that gave us the tools we needed to be better parents and to more effectively guide our child toward better behaviors.The most valuable lesson we learned was the need for BOTH parents to unite, set boundaries and stay on the same page.At first, we chuckled at how many times in the Total Transformation series, we are advised to "say___and walk away"... or to "stop the car", etc but that WORKS. There have been dramatic, positive changes over the past few months! We have strongly recommended this program to several friends who are also struggling with various behavioral issues.
It was a great program I liked being give tools for me to use with my son. Other options we have used did not provide this and they ended up not working.
It would be nice it legacy parenting had a list of agenceys or web sites that can offer referals based on location.
The program is successful when used because of its continuity. Everything seemed to be connected and the logic was useful. I adapted and used it for dealing with abberant behavior in my students.
The program supports things I learned from a parent support group I attended last spring. It was based on the tough love concept.
By the time I learned of your program, my son was within two months of turning 18. He had stolen over $8,500 from us, was drinking, not coming home on time or at all, not calling, not ansering his cell phone. Had there in school suspensions in the first six weeks of senior year. He cut over 110 classes from 9/07 to today. He had been to five therapists, in the PINS Prevention and PINS programs. I started using your techniques, but NOTHING worked with this boy. Based on his refusal to follow the rules, we told him to leave our house last Friday. It has been very difficult to do this as we don't don't if he will ever return home.
I am a well educated person raised in loving, stable home. I was unprepared for difficulties I faced with several of my children. They exhibited severe tantrums, uncontrolled yelling, hitting. there were many characteristics that made me wonder about various psychological disorders. I was at my wits end after being bitten, hit, lied about, etc and was having zero results. Now my home is peaceful and ordered, and all the kids are happy as well. I was amazed how quickly I was able to make the program work. The key for me is not so much discussing things after they happen and helping learn lessons (though I do try to do this too). The key for me has been constantly reminding them of the priveleges they like (which previously I had looked upon as not that big of deals) and going over with them the things they like, refocusing them on those things, then taking them back hard to what their behavior is about to cost them when they get their priveleges taken away. "your so close, don't blow it now." "don't do it". I sound like a clone of the CD audios of lehman (and some of my kids are even repeating some of the phrases, have kidding, but also just because they like the way it sounds).
before I never could get my daughter to focus on how her actions were going to affect her, or get her to stop herself, stop because of upcoming punishment etc - now she is able to focus on something else quite quickly! (the things she likes) realize she is about to lose them, and then quickly change her behavior.
in addition the amount of trouble incidents, and especially tantrums have dribbled down to very few.
life is great! all the kids are helping clean up. i can't express enough how much this program has helped me in parenting and the relief it has given my spirit.
thanks much,
Frank Burch
While I was relieved that my kids are not as violent and lethargic as some described, the methods were empowering and a sense of control, serenity and order has returned to our home. We have 4 busy, active, vocal kids. The truths about tying consequences to misbehavior, never tolerating abuse (emotional tantrums, etc) was life-altering. This program gives the ticket to becoming the parent I know my kids need.
Only dislike was the flimsy packaging -- I listen to these in the car so a sturdier package needs to survive the car tumbling.
One thing that would be nice is less "discussion" I found myself getting impatient and skipping past the couple asking questions and the music and thinking, please get to the point. I understand the concept, and in most cases, I am sure that some parents/guardians would need that 'discussion' type format. But I preferred hearing Mr. Lehman only. Like the Ten Points disc. THAT was excellent and to the point. As in, "Problem" - "Solution", extremely helpful. I implemented the techniques and was pleased with the results. It helped us to get our'authority'and confidence back as parents. I didn't do much of the workbook, but plan on getting back into it. I just dove into the discs.
It is worth the price, worth the time and effort and I recommend it often to others. My only regret is not knowing about it sooner when my son was younger.
Every precept James Lehman teaches about in the Total Transformation program has the ring of truth about it. We recognized lots of things we already "knew," but which weren't clear or which we weren't sure how to go about implementing. I don't think there was a single issue that we have already faced or will be facing that was not addressed in the TTP.
In following this plan, it seems possible for anyone to be able to raise children to be happy and productive members of society.
Immediately after listening to the CD's things at home started to shift. The Transformational theories and techniques gave us access to managing a 17 year old in a way that gives us much more peace at home and allows space for our daughter to learn and grow. I wish I had listened to them 16 years ago.
Interesting note, these ideas have helped with my communications day to day with adults ( perhaps we are all fundamentally 6 years old)
From the first call to your customer service people to implementing your ideas our total experience with The Total Transformation Program has been remarkable and truly exceed all my expectations - Thank you
The information in the CDs is right to the point. I would rather listen to the thoughts and ideas of James Lehman than our psychologist. James is "right-on" when he describes children. He knows what he's talking about, even though he's never seen my son. I'm only half-way through the program, and three of the techniques I've been using that are working are: teaching my son how to problem solve rather than "barking out" orders to him; second, teaching my son to apologize and not only say "sorry", but to say what he's sorry for (take accountability for his actions); and third, learning to "disconnect" (or walk away) from my son so he has no one to "act out" in front of.
The changes are little and seem to be infrequent, and it's very frustrating, but there are times when I see a light at the end of the tunnel. The parental support line is excellent; however, I need it most when they are closed: evenings and weekends!
I really should not be reviewing the system yet because I have not gone through everything yet. The program seems to be full of common sense and focuses on the real issues. There are also some great and unique insights. James's warning about emtionalism being a substitute (and a poor one) for love is something I haven't heard before or thought of in just that way. I think it is profound. I know I have often equated my enormous feelings of worry and fear over my children with my great love for them but love does so much more. Love gets in the trenches and the muck and does the hard work of helping a child to learn how to handle his problems in a more constructive. Love doesn't just sit there and feel great emotion about the tragedy of a situation; love roles up its sleeves and does something to help. Sounds like a contemporary version of St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians on love. I think James is giving us the tools to help and to love our children. I think the Support Line is wonderful as I don't always "get it" the first time. The counselor was so helpful and patient; she did not rush me off the phone as if my time were up for the month.
I love the emphasis on helping the child learn better problem solving skills. This seems to be the point rather than having a strict system of rewards and set "consequences".
Our situation is not unique but it is extreme. We have lots of anger; my children (now two teenage) boys have seen and experienced anger and abuse. They have learned that it gets people to leave you alone or to do what you want. Unlearning this will take time but I do think James has given me tools to help that I had not even thought of before. It is so wonderful to know there's still hope even when your children tower over you and have no hesitancy about the lanquage they use toward you. I am hopeful and I would like to write another review in about six months.
Another thing I love is that you don't expect a parent to be superhuman and perfectly consistent. So much advice to parents today depends on these qualities and is doomed to make the parents fail and feel guilty! Thank you for talking to us where we are.