EmpoweringParents.com

I need help with a power struggle with a 13 year old boy and his parents (us)… my son doesn’t want (refuses) to get his longish hair cut, we (parents) want it cut… I have canceled a recent haircut appointment so we can talk it over together, but that has resulted in nothing but my son “winning” the argument.

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Dear Parental Support Specialists,

We have two sons, ages 15 and 13. My 13-year-old is struggling in school. He is an athlete and I seem to always hold this consequence over him: “If you don’t get good grades, you are not going to play baseball.” But, now that I have read many of your articles, I don’t think that I am doing the right thing. Good grades and baseball don’t match according to the rule of “the punishment should fit the crime.”

Any suggestions?

Thanks, Lisa

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Parents frequently call me on the Parental Support Line to discuss respect. Some will say, “The ONLY thing I ask from my child is that they respect me.” They reason that if they are respected, their child will do everything they are asked to do, will not say anything impolite, and will be motivated by positive feelings toward their parent. These are terrific goals, but I’ve started to ask people not to even use the word “respect” when they talk to their children about their behavior, and I’ll explain why.

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Dear Carole,

My husband and I are trying to use natural consequences with our thirteen-year-old son as much as possible, but we had a disagreement lately about how to do it. When our son threw a fit because he wanted to meet up with his neighborhood friends (we said “no” because his homework wasn’t done) we told him that he needed to settle down or have some privileges taken away. His bad behavior escalated, so my husband took away his guitar for a week. I feel like it’s never a good idea to take away a creative outlet, and also something that my son loves so much. My husband thought it was a good consequence because it’s the thing that means the most to our son. What do you think?

–Confused about Consequences in CT Read more »