Why the Word “No” Sets off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

Many Parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don’t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they’re confused about why nothing works.

Hitting, Biting and Kicking:
How to Stop Aggressive Behavior in Young Children

“I’m not allowed to bring Ben to play group anymore,” said Sarah, whose son is now five years old. “The last time we went, he bit another boy who was playing with a truck Ben wanted. And the time before that, he hit a little girl across the face. I try to tell him 'no' but he just doesn’t listen, so I end up apologizing for him. I’m starting to feel like the world’s worst parent because I can’t control him when he acts out.”

ADHD and Young Children:
Unlocking the Secrets to Good Behavior

For the parents of a child with ADHD, simple, everyday tasks turn into battles—from getting the child out the door in the morning to getting him to bed at night. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6, so I remember what it was like to have a daily tug of war with an attention disordered child all too well. Parents look for help everywhere.  They may read one book after another and hear a parade of behavioral experts speak who give them parenting tips that don’t seem to work. The more books they read and experts they seek out, the worse their child’s behavior seems to get.

Masters of Manipulation:
How Kids Control You With Behavior

Kids manipulate their parents as part of their normal routine. They learn to use their charms and strengths to get their way and negotiate more power in the family. Sometimes that manipulation is harmless, but there are other times when the stakes are higher and kids use bad behavior to make you back down. In this situation, the manipulation becomes a power and control game for the child, and that’s where it gets dangerous for parents. The real problem with manipulation is when kids use behavioral threats to manipulate you.

Managing the Meltdown

Kids have meltdowns and temper tantrums for two reasons. 1.) Because they have never learned how to manage or have run out of the tools it takes to manage their feelings in a new situation or event. 2.) Because tantrums have worked for them in the past to get what they want pretty quickly. It’s all about learning and developing coping skills from day one with children... here’s why.

The Jekyll and Hyde Child: Targeted Behavior Problems

For many children, behavior problems are not universal; they’re targeted. Targeted at dad, at mom, at the stepmother, at the fiancé, at a sibling. James Lehman examines why children can be compliant and charming with most people and defiant or even abusive with one person in their crosshairs.

Video Games and Violence: What Every Parent Should
Know

What I typically suggest to parents is that they don’t allow violent video games in their home. If and when the issue comes up, that is actually a good opportunity to talk about their values, how to resolve conflicts and disputes in a non-violent way, which are useful conversations to have with kids. In any case it’s useful to convey your values to your children that violent solutions are not appropriate. Non-violent solutions can almost always be found.”

Oppositional Defiant Disorder: The War at Home

Most parents lack the tools to deal with oppositional defiance. So they generally respond to this behavior with a range of responses that includes negotiating, bargaining, giving in, threatening and screaming. The problem is when you scream, argue or negotiate, you are giving your child’s defiance even more power.

Why Kids Tell Lies And What To Do About It

Catching your child in a lie is frustrating, painful and worrisome. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? James Lehman explains the surprising reason why kids tell lies and a better way for parents to deal with it.

ADHD: Disorder or Difference?

All parents want to see their child as the smartest, most capable boy or girl on the block. So why would they want to have a label attached to them that often coveys just the opposite--such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? What a difference one word can make. Suppose we changed the last D in ADHD from “disorder” to “difference.”

The Lost Children: When Behavior Problems
Traumatize Siblings

Children who grow up with a chronically defiant, oppositional sibling grow up in an environment of trauma. According to James Lehman, "It’s traumatizing when something hurtful happens to you, and you can’t control it, you can’t stop it, you can’t predict how hurtful it’s going to be, and you can’t predict when or whether it’s going to happen." Here, he discusses how parents can reduce the traumatic effects of hostile behavior on siblings and how to help “the lost child” in the family.

How to Keep the Violence Out of Your Home

It’s an undisputed fact that the more violence kids are exposed to, the more desensitized they become to it. But it’s not the violence that’s the problem for families now. It’s the delivery systems used to bring that violence into the home. James Lehman explains how to keep the violence outside your home and away from your kids.

Out of Control Behavior: Should I Medicate My Child?

Unfortunately, a diagnosis and medication aren’t always a solution. Medications that target behavior problems are at best a shot in the dark and at worst can have many undesirable side effects and alter the child’s personality. There is a fork in the road that many parents face daily: "We have a behavior problem. Should I medicate my child?"

The Truth About Bullies

The public perception of bullying is that bullies are acting out to cover their own fears. They may indeed be afraid, but accepting this as a reason makes bullies sound like victims of their fears -- like we're supposed to feel sorry for them and not hold them responsible for their abusive actions.

Is It a Phase?

Will your child “grow out of” the bad behavior? James Lehman takes a look at when it’s a phase—and when you need to step in.

The Ripple Effect of Defiant Behavior: When Parents
Pay the Price

James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program, examines the effects of acting out behavior on parents and the family, and reveals how to calm the storm in the home.