Why is My Child Stealing and What Can I Do?
Advice for Parents on Kids, Stealing and Shoplifting

“My fourteen year old daughter was arrested for shoplifting make-up this week,” said Marie, a working mother of two girls. “Is this just normal teen behavior, or is it something more serious? She’s grounded for a month and I’ve taken away her iPod and computer privileges, but to tell the truth, I’m still in shock. I’m furious and I’m not sure how to even talk to her about what she did.”

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children

Do you have a child between the ages of 17 and 23 living with you? If you're in constant conflict with an older child over everything from curfews (should they have one or shouldn’t they?) to getting a job to alcohol use, James Lehman offers advice on how to set reasonable limits, and how to coach your child to responsibility and independence. (Part 1 of a 3 part series.)

Your Child Is Not Your “Friend”

With the best intentions in mind, many parents assume or hope that they can be their child’s “best friend.” But it’s a critical mistake. Your child has plenty of friends. What he needs is a parent. When you attempt to make your child your confidante by sharing all your feelings and thoughts with him, you can actually end up damaging the respect he has for you. If you have been trying to be your child’s best friend and are wondering why you’re having troubles with behavior, here’s why he won’t listen and what you need to do today to be the parent he really needs.

Gut Check:
Shame and Anger: The Emotional Handcuffs of Parenting

One of the unaddressed elements of children’s behavior is the pain that families go through, knowing that others are judging them.  Because the fact is, they are being judged. When parents have to go to school constantly because of their kid’s outbursts, when they get in conflicts with the neighbors because of the kid’s behavior, when they’re at the supermarket and the kid throws a temper tantrum, or they’re at the mall with their adolescent child and he raises his voice or gives his parents backtalk, it’s completely humiliating.

Flying Solo: Six Ways to Soar as a Single Parent

Jill is a single mom of a nine-year-old daughter, whom she’s been raising by herself since Haley was an infant. “The hardest part about being a single parent is having no one else there when Haley acts up. It’s all me. She doesn’t listen to me, and then I just don’t know what to do. I’m really getting anxious about her teenage years. I’m not sure if I can keep her on track by myself, she’s so willful.”

Jill is far from being alone. Single parenting is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, yet more than 50 percent of households in America are headed by just one parent. Much of the time that parent is working full-time and trying to maintain the home, in addition to everything that comes with raising a child. To make matters worse, often single moms and dads, like Jill, report feeling as if their children aren’t listening to them or following family rules. Coupled with the guilt that many single parents feel, this can be a one-two punch to the faith you have in the job you’re doing as you raise your kids on your own. So what can you do to maintain confidence in yourself and peace in your home?

How to Give Kids Consequences That Work

A consequence is something that follows naturally from a person’s action, inaction or poor decision. It differs from a punishment in that a punishment is retribution. Punishment is “getting back” at someone, to hurt them back for a hurt they did. When you get a speeding ticket, it’s not a retribution for something you did wrong. It’s a consequence of your poor choices and decisions.

When you’re giving a child a consequence, it’s important to make it flow naturally from the child’s choice or action. For example, if your son sleeps late and doesn’t get up for school, the natural consequence is to go to bed earlier that night to get more sleep. The natural consequence isn’t to take his phone for a week. Tell him he has to go to bed early for the next three nights, and then if he can show you he can get up for school, you’ll go back to the later bedtime.

Four Success Secrets for Stepparents

At times, being a stepparent can seem like a thankless job. Besides normal parent and family issues, you also have disagreements over parenting with former spouses and a lot of hurt and anger being hurled at you from kids on both sides. In this article, family therapist and stepmother Emily Bouchard takes a look at stepparenting and gives you some skills you can use to make your blended family a happier one.

Why Kids with ADHD Self-Medicate with Marijuana

Nearly a quarter of all 12 to 17 year olds in the latest National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported current marijuana usage. Unfortunately, kids with ADHD typically have the highest rate of drug use among their peers. According to Stephen Andrew LCSW, a substance abuse counselor and director of the Health Education Training Institute of Maine, the latest statistics say that 80 percent of all kids with ADHD are using illegal drugs.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder: The War at Home

Most parents lack the tools to deal with oppositional defiance. So they generally respond to this behavior with a range of responses that includes negotiating, bargaining, giving in, threatening and screaming. The problem is when you scream, argue or negotiate, you are giving your child’s defiance even more power.

Why Kids Tell Lies And What To Do About It

Catching your child in a lie is frustrating, painful and worrisome. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? James Lehman explains the surprising reason why kids tell lies and a better way for parents to deal with it.

The Lost Children: When Behavior Problems
Traumatize Siblings

Children who grow up with a chronically defiant, oppositional sibling grow up in an environment of trauma. According to James Lehman, "It’s traumatizing when something hurtful happens to you, and you can’t control it, you can’t stop it, you can’t predict how hurtful it’s going to be, and you can’t predict when or whether it’s going to happen." Here, he discusses how parents can reduce the traumatic effects of hostile behavior on siblings and how to help “the lost child” in the family.

How to Keep the Violence Out of Your Home

It’s an undisputed fact that the more violence kids are exposed to, the more desensitized they become to it. But it’s not the violence that’s the problem for families now. It’s the delivery systems used to bring that violence into the home. James Lehman explains how to keep the violence outside your home and away from your kids.

The Truth About Bullies

The public perception of bullying is that bullies are acting out to cover their own fears. They may indeed be afraid, but accepting this as a reason makes bullies sound like victims of their fears -- like we're supposed to feel sorry for them and not hold them responsible for their abusive actions.

Is It a Phase?

Will your child “grow out of” the bad behavior? James Lehman takes a look at when it’s a phase—and when you need to step in.

The Disneyland Daddy: A Case Study

Mike doesn’t have effective parenting skills and tries to make up for it with deep pockets. He’s also perfectly happy that the kids go back to their mother’s and act out because it’s gratifying for him.

Good Cop/Bad Cop Parenting

If you and your spouse take opposing roles in dealing with your kids, you’re not alone. Many parents take on the roles of “good cop” and “bad cop” in the family.