“I’m not allowed to bring Ben to play group anymore,” said Sarah, whose son is now five years old. “The last time we went, he bit another boy who was playing with a truck Ben wanted. And the time before that, he hit a little girl across the face.
I try to tell him ‘no’ but he just doesn’t listen, so I just end up apologizing for him. I’m starting to feel like the world’s worst parent because I can’t control him when he acts out.”
As parents, few situations are more difficult to deal with than having a child who is aggressive toward other children. It can be embarrassing as well as frightening when your child bites, hits, scratches or kicks to get his or her way.
It’s not uncommon for younger children to engage in this type of behavior at various points in their development and in a variety of settings. However, when it becomes very frequent or seems to be their consistent way of reacting to something they don’t like, it’s time to step in and help them change their behavior.
The first step is understanding the underlying reasons why your child is choosing to act out this way. The more you understand what’s happening, the better you’ll be able to help them find other, non-aggressive ways to solve their problems.
Initially, between the ages of 18 months to 2 years, children find it extremely hard to communicate their needs to their parents, caregivers, and other children. Negative behaviors are one way they may choose to get their point across.
For older children between the ages of three and six, such behaviors may be the result of never having learned appropriate, non-aggressive ways of communicating when they were faced with a difficult situation.
The cause of aggressive behaviors may be due to any or all of the following:
- Self-defense
- Being placed in a stressful situation
- Lack of routine
- Extreme frustration or anger
- Inadequate speech development
- Over-stimulation
- Exhaustion
- Lack of adult supervision
- Mirroring the aggressive behaviors of other children around them
One place to begin is to watch your child for cues to see if any of the situations described above brings about aggressive behavior. Learning as much as you can about the factors that trigger bad behavior is the best way to combat it when it occurs next time. Some questions you should ask yourself:
- Who does my child hit, bite or kick? Does he do it to one friend in particular? Does he only do it to me? Or does he tend to be aggressive with whomever he is with? If it’s one person in particular, try to find out if there’s a reason why he’s attacking that child such as engaging in overly aggressive play, a poor match of temperaments or a lack of clear cut rules before play begins.
- Also, what seems to cause your child to act out in an aggressive fashion? Is it triggered by frustration, anger, or excitement? Notice if there are patterns. Does he act this way when toys are involved, and he’s frustrated about sharing? Or does he become aggressive when there is too much going on and he’s over-stimulated? If you observe the situations carefully, you will likely notice patterns.
- Finally, how is his aggressiveness expressed? Is it through angry words or through angry behaviors? Does he become verbally aggressive first and then physically aggressive, or is his first response to strike out and hit?
By answering these questions, you are on your way to successfully limiting your child’s aggressive behavior in the future.
In this article, I’ll outline some ways that you can help your child become more aware of his aggressive feelings and teach him to calm himself down, or find alternative ways to solve his problems.
We’ll also talk about giving consequences to kids when they do lash out and hurt someone. In my experience, consequences are imperative to ending aggressive behavior in young children. They teach your child that all behaviors have a consequence, whether good or bad, and will help him make better choices in the future when he is with his friends.
Once you’ve narrowed down the reasons why your child is behaving aggressively, it’s time to intervene.
Step in and Stop it Immediately
At the first sign that your child is about to become aggressive, immediately step in and remove him from the situation.
Be careful not to give too much attention to your child so that you do not give any negative reinforcement for the bad behavior.
Too much attention can include trying to “talk through” the problem. Young children are not able to hear long explanations of why their behavior was offensive. A simple yet firm statement such as, “We don’t bite” should suffice while you turn your attention to the victim.
Other examples of too much attention include yelling at your child while attending to the victim, forcing your child to apologize immediately or continuing to talk to the other parents around you about how embarrassed or angry you are.
Make a point of consoling the victim and ignoring the aggressor. If your child cannot calm down, remove him or her from the situation without getting angry yourself. When they are calm and ready to talk, you can discuss what happened.
If it’s physically impossible to remove your child, you will have to remove yourself and the victim from the situation. By walking an age-appropriate distance away from your child after he has acted out, you are sending the message that you will attend to him when he can calm down. In doing so, you are teaching your child that it is his responsibility to learn to calm himself and act appropriately.
Lower Your Voice—Don’t Raise It
As parents, we need to show self-control and use gentle words if we want our kids to do the same. It’s easy to respond with yelling or anger, but remember, your child is looking to you for cues on how to control his impulses and have good behavior.
While it can be terribly embarrassing to have a child that continues to act out towards their friends, keep in mind that their negative behavior is most likely happening because they are still navigating their way through their social circles. This can be very difficult for some kids, so try not to over-react or personalize it.
One technique that works very well for some children is to change the tone and volume of your voice. You can help your child stay calm by immediately lowering your voice when attending to the victim as well as to your child.
If he is unable to calm down, before helping the victim, turn to him and say quietly:
“I need you to calm down now. I am going to help Josh and when I am done I want you to be done screaming.”
For some kids this will work, and when your child returns to you, calm and collected, feel free to quietly praise him, saying:
“Thank you for calming yourself down. We don’t bite. It hurt Josh and he is sad.”
Repeat the phrase “We don’t bite” and inform your child that if it happens again, the consequence is that you will leave.
If this does not work for your child and he simply cannot calm down, leave him where he is (again, at an age-appropriate distance) and ignore the tantrum. Most young children will not continue to act out if they no longer have an audience.
Practice Ways to De-fuse your Child’s Anger
For younger kids, help them recognize their anger by stating:
“I know you’re mad, but we don’t hit. No hitting!”
For children aged 3-7, talk about anger as an important feeling. You can practice ways to de-fuse your child’s anger during calmer moments. You can say:
“Sometimes I get angry too. When that happens, I say ‘I’m angry’ and I leave the room.”
You can also teach your child how to count to ten until he is less angry, how to do deep breathing in order to calm down, or how to use his words by making statements such as “I am really, really angry right now!”
All of these methods help take the immediate focus off of your child’s anger and teach them to recognize this important emotion.
Before you enter into a potentially difficult social situation, review the consequences with your child about what will happen if he cannot control his anger. Tell your child:
“I feel you can handle your anger, but if you can’t, we will have to leave the park and not come back until next week. Do you understand?”
Make certain that you follow through with whatever consequences you pose to your child.
Teach Kids that Aggression is Wrong
It’s also important to talk to your children about aggression during a calm moment. In a steady voice, explain to your child that hitting, biting, kicking, and other aggressive behaviors are wrong.
For younger children, those between 18 months and 2 years, keep it simple. Hold them and explain, “No hitting. It is wrong.”
Remember that you may have to repeat this rule numerous times, using the same words, until your child gets it. Be firm and consistent each time your child becomes aggressive.
Have a plan in place for consequences if aggressive behavior starts. At home, this can include a time-out chair away from the rest of the family where your child can stay until he can calm down. If you are away from home, pick a safe place, such as a time-out in a car seat or another place where your child is removed from the fun. This reinforces that you are not tolerating aggression in any form.
For older children, those between 3 and 7, remember that they may be experimenting with cause and effect. In other words, they want to see what you will do when they act out. It’s your job to provide the consequences for the “effect” to work.
Since older children are more verbal, you can use a variety of phrases when they misbehave. Examples include, “Biting is not OK,” or “Hitting hurts others. You need to stop.” It is okay to tell your little biter/hitter/kicker that once he misbehaves, he’s lost a privilege for the day. Consequences can include leaving a play date immediately or losing video time.
Tell Your Child to “Use Your Words”
Many times kids who display aggressive behaviors simply lack the communication skills necessary to help them through a stressful situation. For a young child, biting or hitting someone is a whole lot easier!
Plus, aggressive behaviors often give children a false sense of power over their peers. It’s up to you to work diligently with your child so that he or she can practice the art of diplomacy in a tough situation.
Help your child find their voice when they feel like acting out. By explaining and then practicing using their words, you are helping them to trade off aggressive behavior in favor of more socially acceptable behavior. Some examples are:
- Teach your child to say “No!” to their peers instead of acting aggressively. Too often a child reacts negatively to a friend or sibling instead of asserting themselves. By using the simple word “no,” you are helping your child to get his point across verbally, not aggressively.
- Give your child a series of phrases to use with their friends when they are feeling angry or frustrated. Some examples are, “No, that’s mine,” “I don’t like that!” or “Stop! That hurts.” This helps your child substitute words for striking out.
Before you enter a situation that you know may cause your child to act aggressively (i.e., a play date or daycare) remind your child to “Use your words.” Repeat this to your child throughout the course of the week when you feel they are getting frustrated.
Recognize Your Child’s Limitations
This means knowing when to leave a potentially volatile situation or choosing to engage your child in a different activity to avoid aggressive confrontations.
If you know that your child targets a particular child at play group, you may have to hold off going to play group for a few weeks until he learns to control himself.
Or, if certain videos, games, or activities frustrate your child, remove them from your daily routine to see if this has a placating effect on your child’s behavior.
Finally, if your child is exhausted, hungry, or over-stimulated, respect that and engage in low-key, slow-paced activities that will make aggression less likely. With your older, more verbal child, talk openly about situations that make him angry and work together to come up with solutions to help him through the problem next time.
Be Appreciative of their Efforts
When you catch your child being good, be sure to praise their hard work and efforts. For instance, if you observe your children in a power struggle over a toy that ends in them working it out peacefully with their friend, tell them how proud you are that they chose to use their words instead of resorting to aggression to get their way. Look for and continue to praise good behavior as a way to motivate your children to do better next time.
What Not to Do
- Never bite or hit back. It can be tempting to want to teach your child a lesson in how it feels to be the victim of aggression, but when you succumb to a childlike form of communication, you are teaching your child that aggression is the answer to resolving a conflict. Even though it’s difficult, try your best to maintain your composure.
- Do not expose your child to violent television or video games. Too often TV and videos portray the most violent character as the hero, which sends the message that violence is a means to an end for problem-solving. This message can easily be avoided if you are on top of their viewing habits. While TV or video violence may not affect some kids, it may greatly influence others who have a tendency to act out aggressively with their friends. By knowing your child’s temperament and what he or she can withstand, you are helping them on their way towards their best behavior possible.
- Do not personalize your child’s bad behavior. All too often parents get frustrated and angry at their child when they are aggressive, because many times we feel that our child’s poor behavior is a reflection of our parenting skills. If you have an aggressive child, switch your focus towards helping them express themselves in a more appropriate way and follow through when an incident occurs.
When Aggression is Extreme
While aggression can be normal in many children, you should be aware of when your child’s behavior has gone beyond the scope of what is considered within the normal boundaries for their developmental level. Look for the following signs in your child:
- A pattern of defiant, disobedient, or hostile behavior towards you or other authority figures such as teachers or day care providers. A pattern means behavior that is not fleeting, but is chronic and does not respond to the above interventions.
- Loses their temper easily
- Constantly argues with adults
- Deliberately engages in activities that knowingly annoy others
- Blames others
- Acts annoyed or is chronically touchy
- Exhibits ongoing anger
- Acts spiteful or vindictive
It is important to recognize that all young children may exhibit any or all of the above problems at some point during their development. However, if your child persistently displays these behaviors and it affects their daily functioning, such as their ability to behave at school or maintain friendships, contact your pediatrician, as it may indicate that they have other psychological problems that need attention. In this case, you will need to have your child evaluated by a mental health professional.
Parenting an aggressive child can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as you weave your way through the maze of his or her development. Even though it may seem like it at times, it’s not impossible to teach your child new and appropriate ways to interact with other children and the adults around them. The key is developing a clear, uncomplicated, consistent plan and following it in a composed manner. Remember: the best example of appropriate behavior is you, and your young child is watching.
Related content:
How to Discipline Young Kids Effectively: 4 Steps Every Parent Can Take
Defiant Young Children and Toddlers: 5 Things Not to Do
About Joan Munson, PhD
Dr. Joan Simeo Munson earned her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Denver. She has worked with incarcerated individuals, families, adolescents, and college students in a variety of settings, including county and city jails, community mental health centers, university counseling centers, and hospitals. She also has a background in individual, group, and couples counseling. Dr. Munson lives in Colorado with her husband and three energetic children. She currently has a private practice in Boulder where she sees adults, couples and adolescents.
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1) Very aggressive behaviour
2) Getting angry very soon
3) Hitting other kids frequently
4) Not sharing things with others
5) Never listen to anyone, Always do what he wants to do
6) Very competitive nature. Always wants to come at first position in every situation. Like walking on road, climbing stairs, eating food or any other thing. Sometimes to come first he hits other person also.
7) Always found naughty things, Never settle with any thing.
Thank you for reaching out to EmpoweringParents.com. Our main focus is children over the age of 5 because they usually have developed enough that our concepts will work with them. We have a few articles about younger children you may find helpful,
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/ages-and-stages/younger-children/
My husband and I have a 6 year old son (adopted). He is in 1st grade. Intellectually above average compared to the majority of his classmates. The issue is his behavior. He hits, kicks and pushes other children in his class, at church, at birthday parties, etc..
we have done everything that we know to prevent this behavior. It seems to come in cycles. He will be very good for a few weeks and then the hitting starts. We do not spank him at all, if we are with him like at a birthday party the. We remove him from the situation and just try to calmly talk to him.. we of course aren’t with him at school or his church class. For punishment we take away all his electronics for the day. He does have a pediatric psychiatrist and is on guafacine for impulsivity. He also sees a school counselor.
We don’t know what else to do..
My 5 year old nephew has always been aggressive but it has now become extreme in particular when he asked to stop doing a certain activity , he has been excluded from school 3 times now for hitting , biting throwing chairs at teachers and trashing the whole class room.
He is on his last warning then he will be completly expelled so probally by the time you read this that would of happend
We went to the doctors to try get him referred to a paediatrician but the doctor said their wasnt enough evidence to warrant it , We feel completly lost the behaviour specialst at school says we need to respond softly and not to punish him to much (has hes pretty much had everything removed for bad behaviour) but hes only getting worse.
Obviously we are going to go to the doctors for a third time in the hope they will refere him , he needs help and we dont understand how to help him , my sister other 2 childen are both happy little girls doing really well we dont understand whats happend.
I have three year old twins, a boy and girl. J, my son, has always been very aggressive to both myself and his sister. He doesn't behave this way toward his daycare "teachers" or any other children, and very rarely acts this way with his father or grandfather. But he is constantly hurting his sister, and when he doesn't get his way with me, he immediately screams and hits. Putting him in time out (or attempting "time in" with mommy) always escalates the situation to a full-blown screaming fit.
I can't revoke privileges the way I would like because as a single mom, if he stays home we all stay home. My daughter is constantly getting less attention, her experiences become secondary to his fits, and she can't even get a peaceful bedtime. I feel terrible for her situation and I am always exhausted from dealing with J.
Social workers and one psychologist who has evaluated him just keep telling me he's not on the autism spectrum and that he's just a willful child. But I feel totally at a loss how to help him deal with his emotions and normalize our lives.
My 2 years daughter like to hit her 9 months brother in face and head and also her cousin when they play together, When she goes to her Grandpa and Grandma she starts to reach anything on tables and broke them ! this makes them frustrated on the other hand she goes to the playschool with her peers she doesnt hurt or hit anybody there !!! my wife noticed that her aggressive behavior most of the time with the family that she is familiar with them
she doesnt repsond to " Don't hit ur cousin" or " Don't do that"
need ur help
thanx
Hi , My 4 years old son gets angry and frustrated when something simple like his toys not working. Like he wants to tow a car with a truck then it doesn't work for some reason, then he throw them away and start screaming. He is pretty normal outside or at school but lose his tolerance really fast if something goes wrong (like when he can not wear his shoes or change his pants). What is the best approach? sometimes we take the toys and give toys "timeout" and saying oh so you don't need them if you throw them away, we try to calm down but we are human too!
Any advise?
Thanks.
Hello doctor,
My younger son going to complete two year within two months... He always throwing kitchen utensils, remote control and mobile phones. But the main problem is, he hitting my older son age 7 years. Even he hits me, his mother and even my parents sometimes. He hits anything he have in his hand. He looks very normal when he hit anybody. Generally his growth is Very normal and other way he is quite normal.
Kindly guide me to handle the situation,
Thanks
I have a 5 1/2 year old boy who has had many issues with behavior since he was little. I was travelling a lot when he was small and feel like he has aggression because of that as well as feels slightly unsafe in the world. I have been home for 1 1/2 years and we are in a program to help with his brain development (Brain Highways) that is helping tremendously. His behavior at school has improved and we can have 2-3 days with good behavior. However, on those bad days, it's always a problem with hitting. And, there seems to be one particular girl that he hits the most (but not only her). I've met the girl and she is the most loving child you could imagine. I've seen them interact and he really likes her and she likes him. Today, there was a different teacher in the class who said that my son just walked over to the little girl and whaled on her in the back. The school is saying that he might not be able to come back, so of course I'm panicked.
We have talked to him about ways to solve this problem. Deep breathing, talking to a teacher when he's upset, proprioceptive movements that help calm down the body, going with the flow - just letting things go. Sometimes, he uses these techniques and averts his own issues, but other times, it's like he hasn't learned it. We also take away TV time, favorite toys, etc. Last week he was sent home from school and I made him work on a computer school program all afternoon. No playing, just work until school time was up. I try to stay calm with him. I try to remind him that he is making poor choices but he is not bad (he has some negative self-talk). I always affirm that I love him, but that his behavior is not acceptable in any circumstance. We also do role-playing to try to think of new ways to handle the problem.
I don't know how to break him out of this behavior. I feel so lost and scared right now. I would love to hear if there is an approach I'm missing.
I have a 4 year old that has become increasingly more aggressive. She has started kicking other kids which she never did before. She understands that the behavior is wrong, but still chooses to do it anyway. She has violent tantrums and it takes anywhere from 5-45 min for her to calm down. She mostly has these behaviors at daycare. I dont see as much agression or behavior at home. But they are calling everyday for me to pick her up. I took her to a child psychiatrist who really didnt help much. He said to be consistent and the school will have to figure out how t o set limits for her. I really feel they have and are doing this, but it is no help.
Do yall have any suggestions?
I have a 5 year old, he’s an only child and he just started
kindergarten this year. He has a speech delay, for which, he goes to speech
therapy.
Our first issue with his transition to kindergarten was
getting him to eat lunch since he’s a picky eater. He’s eating most his food
now although they still are not the “right” foods so we are still working on
that. Our second issue was the reports we’d get from his teacher saying things
like he was in the corner crying and seems overwhelmed… and now that he’s
eating more, he’s hyper a lot and unfocused. He’s a high academic achiever so I
figure it must be more social. He doesn’t have many friends outside of school, but
we do go the park a lot and he plays fine.
Our new issue which started during the past two weeks is
that he’s started hitting other children in class excessively.We talk about it each time it occurs and I
stress the importance of not hitting others and to tell the teacher when
something is wrong. Other than that I don’t know what to do.
Nat_ward11
It can be quite upsetting for many parents when a child is
aggressive, so you are not alone.As Dr.
Joan points out in the article above, it is common for young children to do
things like biting, hitting, and scratching, as well as have a difficult time
picking up on social cues from others.With this stage in development, young children tend to have a low
tolerance for frustration, few appropriate coping skills, poor self-control as
well as an under-developed sense of empathy.This does not mean that you are powerless, however.I encourage you to practice the steps
outlined in the article above, such as being calm and in control when your son
starts to become aggressive toward you.You might also consider https://www.empoweringparents.com/free-downloadable-charts/ to reward and recognize times when your son is behaving
appropriately.I understand how challenging
this behavior can be, and I hope that you will write back and let us know how
things are going for you and your son.Take care.
My 5 year ols son has been aggressive in school since first day of school and a year later there is no change. He is hitting, kicking, spitting, pulling hair.etc. He doesn't display this behaviour at home or when with me or most family members. I have worked closely with the school, we have regular meetings to devise strategies, I use social stories, role play, consequences for bad behaviour positives for good, reward charts. Made a real effort to avoid power struggles. When I ask him why he is hurting people he says it's because he wants to go home. EP requested and she suggested exact same things we are already doing and indicated that she didn't feel there was a psychological problem or that his behaviour met with that of a child with ADHD, AUTISM, aspergers, ODD. When he is violent at school I get a call to take him home which reinforces the bad behaviour as ultimately he gets what he wants. He gets lots of attention for bad and attention for good and due to health and safety etc the school state that they are unable to challenge some behaviours.He is bright, confident, loves social events, but wants autonomy over everything and makes he own mind up about a sitution or idea until it can be disproved. He is stubborn, very energetic, and likes his environment to be constantly changing. I write all this in desperation we need help!
Many thanks.
Simone 52
I hear how much effort you have put into addressing your son’s aggressive
behavior at school, and I’m glad that you are reaching out.I encourage you to continue to work with the
school on strategies to address your son’s behavior there.You also make a good point that if your son
is acting out to get sent home, then this behavior is getting reinforced every
time that you are called to pick him up.It might be useful to try to find a solution which both keeps your son
at school while also maintaining everyone’s safety.You might find additional tips in our
article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/acting-out-in-school-when-your-child-is-the-class-troublemaker/.Please be sure to write back and let us know
how things are going for you and your family.Take care.
terika32
It can be confusing
when your child is acting out aggressively at school, yet doesn’t demonstrate
this behavior anywhere else. As Dr. Joan points out in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/young-kids-acting-out-in-school-the-top-3-issues-parents-worry-about-most/, it
can be useful to work closely with your son’s teacher and the school to address
this behavior. His teacher might be able to share information with you
about what s/he is observing in the classroom, which you can then use at home
to help your son come up with more appropriate responses for the future.
Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and
your son. Take care.
Aaleyah
It can be so
frustrating and embarrassing when your child is acting out at school; you are
not alone in experiencing these issues. Actually, it’s quite common for
kids your son’s age to act out aggressively with peers, as they tend to have a
low tolerance for frustration, poor impulse control and few appropriate coping
skills to use when upset. This doesn’t mean that you cannot address this
behavior, however. For example, you can https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/ at home about other, more appropriate ways that he can
handle issues that arise at school. In addition, Dr. Joan addresses aggression
at school in another article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/young-kids-acting-out-in-school-the-top-3-issues-parents-worry-about-most/.
Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and
your son. Take care.
@Hira
Learning how to
share and interact appropriately with others are difficult skills for many
young children; you are not alone. Part of helping your son to develop
more appropriate skills is identifying potential triggers for him, as noted in
the article above. It sounds like your son tends to be more aggressive
when playing with large groups of kids, so you might avoid that for now as much
as possible. Something you might try instead is role-playing with him at home
about how he might handle these situations, or having playdates with only one
other child so you can observe his interactions and intervene as needed.
Dr. Joan offers more suggestions in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-discipline-young-kids-effectively-4-steps-every-parent-can-take/.
I understand how challenging this behavior can be, and I hope you will write
back and let us know how things are going for you and your son. Take
care.
@Carolann
It can be very scary and upsetting when your child starts to
become physical with you and others in the house. I imagine that it must
be even more frightening due to your son’s size and your pregnancy. You
mentioned that you believe that your son has an attachment disorder due to
events which occurred with his dad when he was younger. Because this is a
serious disorder which requires an individualized treatment plan focused on
understanding and strengthening the relationship between you and your son, I
encourage you to consult with your son’s doctor about your concerns. As
your son’s doctor has the benefit of directly observing and interacting with
your son, s/he will be in a much better position to assess any underlying
issues which might be contributing to his behavior, as well as providing
referrals to local treatment professionals. I wish you and your family
all the best as you continue to move forward. Take care.
AliceU
When young children become angry
or frustrated, they sometimes resort to aggressive behaviors, like hitting and
kicking, as a way to solve their problem. This is because young children
generally have a low tolerance for frustration and lack the skills to manage
their emotions appropriately. The good news is, this is something that they can
learn. Like the above article talks about, helping your son to recognize his
anger and practice ways to calm down appropriately when he is angry, like
counting to 10 or taking deep breaths, will help him to start to solve his
problem differently. Another article that you may find helpful is https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=ats1ecbhu5tc5. I hope
this helps to answer your question. Thank you for writing in. Take care.
Hi,
I have a 6.7 years boy who is continuously arguing with adults and started recently hitting his teachers and screaming.
His behavior is getting very aggressive.
He has 2 sisters 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old .
He is a very kind and helpful person but can't handle stress and loses his temper easily.
Please advise .
Toota
This type of behavior is quite common for kids your son’s
age, so you are not alone in this situation. This is because kids your
son’s age tend to have a low tolerance for frustration and stress, and few
appropriate coping skills to use when upset. In addition to using the
tools described in the article above, you might also try having conversations
with him during a calm time about https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/ the next time he loses his temper. I understand
how challenging this can be; please be sure to write back and let us know how
things are going.
@wsmomma
I hear you and you’re absolutely right. Regardless of the
reason behind the behavior, it’s not OK. I’m sure your son’s acting out behavior
will decrease once his sister and nephew have moved away. In the meantime, try
to follow the tips outlined in the above article. Step in as soon as you see
your son starting to behave aggressively towards his nephew, remove him from
the situation but try not to give his behavior undue attention. Use simple,
direct statements like “We don’t hit” and then turn your attention to your
grandson. After things have calmed down you can talk to your son about the
choices he made and problem solve with him what he could do differently in the
future, as Sara Bean explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/. You
could also use a task oriented consequence to hold him accountable. An example
of a task oriented consequence for this situation might be loss of TV or game
time until your son goes for 1 hour without being aggressive towards his nephew.
I hope this information is useful for your situation. Best of luck moving
forward.
EliSion
It’s actually not uncommon for a 3 year old to act
aggressively when he gets upset or frustrated. Most 3 year olds lack the skills
to deal with tough situations. With that said, touching base with your child’s
doctor when you have worries or concerns is a good idea. Your son’s doctor
knows him and would be able to determine if your son’s behavior is within the
normal range for his age. We appreciate you writing in. Take care.