When we do too much for our kids—when we over-function for them—we rob them of the skills and practice necessary to develop competence and mastery in life. Instead of learning life skills, they develop a problem that psychologists refer to as learned helplessness. This is certainly not our intention when we aim to help... Read more »
If you need your child to behave for you to be calm, then you give your child tremendous power. They now control your emotions, and you feel overwhelmed and powerless. You will be much more effective as a parent if you can stay calm no matter what. “Calm?! How am I supposed to be calm when... Read more »
Why are our kids often at each other’s throats in the summer? The biggest cause of fighting during the long summer break is the fact that you’re spending a whole lot of time together. If external stresses increase—if there’s trouble at work, a bad break–up for one of your teens, or you’re caring for a... Read more »
You’re driving home from work, and you call your teen and tell him to clean his room and finish his homework. Before he grunts a response and hangs up, you swear you can hear the T.V. blaring in the background. You feel your stress levels rising and think, “I know the house is going to... Read more »
As a family therapist, over the years many parents have come to me and said, “My child has so much going for him, but he’s just throwing his life away. Why is he doing drugs? Why is he dropping out of school? Why is he making terrible choices with his life when he has so... Read more »
Does this sound familiar? You’ve told your teen she can’t go out with her friends this Friday because she came in past curfew last weekend. There’s been a huge fight where one—or both of you—lost control and screamed at each other. Now the tension in the house is unbearable. Your child... Read more »
As a therapist and the mother of three teenagers myself, I know firsthand that the more you push your kids, the more they get defensive and dig in their heels. They become reactive in the form of explosiveness or shutting down and ignoring you. When they are not exploding, they are thinking the following: “My... Read more »
Parents often feel it's their job to get their kids to do well in school. Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life—and homework often becomes the focus of that concern. But when parents feel it's their responsibility to get their... Read more »
A recent article by self–described “Tiger Mom” Amy Chua ignited a parenting conversation that appears to have been long overdue. In both the article and her book, Chua says she did not accept any grade less than an “A” from her two daughters, and did not allow T.V., video games, playdates or sleep–overs. Chua believes... Read more »
In Part 1 of “Adult Child Living at Home?” Debbie Pincus talked about the things you can—and can’t—control when your older kids move home—or when they’ve never left. In Part 2 of this hands-on series, Debbie advises parents on what to do before your child moves home, and how to handle it when the living... Read more »