It’s important to teach kids how to negotiate because it’s a necessary life skill. But don't let them negotiate away your power as a parent. Unfortunately, this is what happens when you give in or over-negotiate with your kids. As parents, we don’t set out to over-negotiate. But then our kids whine, argue, and resist.... Read more »
What kid doesn’t love it when Mom or Dad spends money on them? When you can afford it, buying things for your children is fun. But there’s a point where we buy things for our kids for the wrong reasons: to win their allegiance or simply to get them to stop screaming. Where is... Read more »
The parents I've worked with often have ineffective ways of responding to and managing their child's meltdowns. They either go to one extreme and yell, threaten, restrain, or even spank the child, or they go to the other extreme and give in. In both cases, the parent may stop the meltdown, but they haven't taught... Read more »
Jan is a sixty-five-year-old grandmother who was given custody of her two grandsons, aged 8 and 15, after her daughter was jailed for drug abuse. “At first, it was a joy to have them in our house,” said Jan, whose grandchildren came to live with her one year ago. “They seemed so happy to be... Read more »
Parents who don’t have effective parenting skills will often use aggression as a substitute. This is especially common with parents who don’t have good relationships or effective coping skills and use aggression to compensate for a whole range of things. Ultimately, it can lead to aggression with their kids. When you use aggression as a parenting... Read more »
As parents, it's easy to focus on the kids and lose sight of ourselves and our needs as adults at this time of year. So, when we look at how to manage family and behavior problems during the holidays, we need to look at the effect the season has on us and on our kids. Perhaps... Read more »
There's a difference between being considerate of your child and tiptoeing around them. We all want to be considerate of our children. If there are things that our children have to face in life that are upsetting to them, then we want to be considerate in terms of the intensity and frequency of how often... Read more »
Kids manipulate their parents. It’s part of their normal routine. They learn to use their charms and strengths to get their way and negotiate more power in the family. On the one hand, some forms of manipulation by kids are harmless. For example, if your daughter wants to go to a dance on a Saturday night,... Read more »
For many children, behavior problems are not universal; they’re targeted. Targeted at dad, at mom, at the stepmother, at the fiancé, at a sibling. The following two case studies reveal how normally charming and compliant children can become defiant or even abusive with one person in the family. James Lehman examines why this happens and... Read more »
Over the years, many parents have asked me why their kids aren't motivated and what they can do about it. How can you get your child to be more motivated? To do better in school? To even go to school? The important thing to remember is this: your child is motivated. They’re just motivated to... Read more »