Is your child’s answer to everything, “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter?” Parents often think that if they can find a new way to encourage their child, he or she will magically start achieving more. I don't think it's like that at all. I think the problem is that these kids are motivated to... Read more »
The silent treatment gives your child a feeling of power and control over you. It's how they push your buttons and get you to leave them alone. Know that if your child gives you the silent treatment, that's probably the best problem-solving skill he has at that moment. Simply put, he's trying to deal with... Read more »
Have you ever listened to parenting advice, all the while thinking, "That won't work with my child—nothing does. He's too difficult; no one can get through to him"? If you've ever felt this way, stop what you're doing and read this article. We sat down and talked to James Lehman, who explains how to get... Read more »
If yelling worked, parenting would be easy, wouldn't it? We'd simply shout, "Do it!" and our kids would comply. But here's the truth: yelling doesn't work. I tell parents that if screaming at our kids was effective, I'd be out of business. You'd just be able to yell at your child, and he'd change. Or... Read more »
The idea that kids should learn to do chores for some abstract reason—like duty or responsibility—sounds good on paper, but has very little practical application in a child's life. It just doesn't work as a strategy. But there are practical steps you can take to get your kids to do their chores. Getting kids to do... Read more »
This week, read about an oppositional, defiant teen in James Lehman's compelling book, Transform Your Problem Child. Meet the parents and family of Caleb, who have been dealing with their son's behavior since he was a young child, and "raising their tolerance for deviance" with each instance of acting out. When Caleb gets physically abusive,... Read more »
Parents often wonder how much privacy their children need and ask me if it's okay to violate it. Personally, I believe there should be a direct link between the amount of responsibility, consistency, and honesty that kids show and the amount of privacy they're allowed to have. But, before we get to the subject of... Read more »
I believe the distinction between mild rebelliousness and disrespect has to be drawn very clearly. But, as a parent, how do you know for sure if your child’s behavior has crossed the line and become truly disrespectful? And what should you do when they cross the line? When a child is being rude or complaining that... Read more »
If your child doesn’t want to go to school, resists getting dressed, has behavior problems in school and at home, and is threatening you and being verbally abusive, know that his whole level of functioning is off. Being abusive to his siblings or to you is only one piece of it. Before we discuss ways to... Read more »
Verbal abuse and intimidation by children and teens isn't just a phase that goes away—it doesn't just happen. It often has deep roots that begin early in a child's development. And it often begins as a way for kids to try to get power through controlling their parents. In this article, I'm going to show... Read more »